A US TV series in which 'ugly duckling' women try cosmetic surgery is both fascinating and repellent, reports Ian Kilroy
Ah, Los Angeles - where everything that glitters is brass. In aeons to come, when historians ask what California gave to civilisation, the answer will be "the makeover". Only in this skin-deep culture could a reality TV show crop up that takes "ugly duckling" women and, using a team of plastic surgeons, transforms them into . . . well, Michael Jackson.
Fox TV has done it again. In the season finale of its show, The Swan, to be screened in the US a week on Monday, one woman will be crowned "the ultimate swan".
Having made it to the finals and undergone a three-month intensive transformation, the winner will enjoy "cash and thousands of dollars worth of prizes". Rarely has reality TV sunk so low.
The essential characteristic of the women chosen for Fox's treatment seems to be low self-esteem. They are always breaking down on camera, saying things like "my nose has a kind of odd shape to it", and "I feel like the ugly duckling".
Many appear to be emotional wrecks, left by their boyfriends or cheated on by their husbands. They're putty in the hands of the team of "experts" - plastic surgeons, a dentist, a personal trainer and a therapist - who have the task of transforming them into beauty queens.
Sarina, from Colorado, is pretty representative of the women on the show. "In my life right now I'm just a little lost," she tells us. "When I look in the mirror I see the ultimate plain Jane."
Step in the show's host, former TV3 presenter Amanda Byram. "Dr Dubrow," she asks the plastic surgeon, "how do you possibly make somebody less plain?"
In Sarina's case, the experts thought little needed to be done. All her face needed was a brow lift, mid-face lift, fat transfer to lips, fat removal from upper eyelids, mole removal, skin rejuvenation and eye surgery. Liposuction in six different places would do the body, while the teeth would get by on bleaching, gum-tissue recontouring, deep cleaning and some orthodontic work. A 1,200-calorie-a-day diet, 120 hours in the gym, and weekly therapy would take care of the rest. A cinch.
Happily, Sarina looked pretty good afterwards.
Unfortunately, the same cannot be said of aspiring cheerleader Kelly.
Not a bad-looking woman to begin with, Kelly looked something akin to a plastic Barbie Doll left too close to an open fire after her surgery. Her nose job and cheek and chin implants were no less than disturbing.
Her new face smiled with all the agility of plastic - the kind they make credit cards out of. Kelly's boyfriend, who seemed against the transformation from the start, apparently left her after the surgery. But she felt "absolutely beautiful" when she looked in the mirror for the first time in three months. She'd finally got rid of the nose that had ruined her childhood.
There's no denying the dramatic nature of The Swan. When a woman looks in the mirror for the first time in three months and sees how utterly she has been transformed, her reaction is enthralling. Sadly, some contestants, such as Kelly and Dawn, looked much better before they'd had their faces contorted by the Cinderella-like expectations of others. When Dawn looked in the mirror she said: "This doesn't even look like me." The unsettling artificiality of her smile was greeted by her family, who came to see her for the first time in three months. Her son said it all when he asked "where's my Mom?".
The decadence of The Swan is both fascinating and repellent. What we're being shown is the US's version of Frankenstein's monster - spawned by hideous vanity and the desire to change nature.
What is no surprise is the outcry the series has caused. The publicity generated by negative TV reviews, lambasting opinion pieces and hundreds of angry blog writers has only reinforced Fox's decision to run another season next year. Yippee! Once again we'll hear Amanda Byram asking Greg the trainer: "What about her flabby belly?"
Perhaps the most sophisticated reaction to The Swan came from the group that set up a rival competition on "The Blog Swan" website. The three-month challenge to participants is to "makeover their own bodies naturally". That means exercising, watching what they eat and developing a healthier lifestyle. What a radical idea! What a pity it takes so much effort.
The Swan finale is on Fox in the US on Monday, May 24th (www.fox.com/swan)