What do hemp lobbyists, Mr Comfy and an Energy Minister have in common? A three-day eco-fair in Kilkenny, writes Michael Parsons
"It's not easy being Green", observed one visitor stoically. With large sections of the population apparently spending the long weekend being pampered at energy-guzzling, luxury spas or leaving carbon footprints on the Algarve's fairways, the earnest Greens are grappling with life after "Big Oil" runs out.
The party is holding a three day "Green Energy Fair" at Gowran Park racecourse in Co Kilkenny which kicked off on Saturday and ends today.
Fancy a new wood pellet stove? Curious about the use of hemp as a "widely used European sustainable building material'? Want to "grow crops for biomass"? Or, care to know how to extract "energy from farm slurry"? Then come on down. There's Bank Holiday eco-fun for all the family.
Allen Holman runs ecocar.ie in Gorey, Co Wexford, which adapts cars and trucks to run on plant oil. He says: "alternative energy is not for the faint-hearted - you really have to be dedicated". All the latest gizmos are on display - from the newest range of solar panels to triple-glazed windows. And experts are preaching - mostly to the converted - on subjects like "Micro Turbines - their time has arrived!" and "Oil seed rape as a biofuel crop". Duncan Stewart, patron saint of loft insulators, will host a question and answer session at 2pm this afternoon.
There's not a corporate hospitality tent in sight. How very unlike the racecourse arrangements of Fianna Fáil.
And, no vans selling dodgy, fried fast-food either. Instead, a delicious aroma of decidedly slow, spit-roast hog leads to a stall run by Richenda Talbot who caters at the sort of smart wedding which is most definitely "not by Franc". She was dispensing pork and coleslaw baps for €5. The bar serves fair-trade tea and coffee.
The party's pin-up wunderkind, Eamon Ryan, arrived to open proceedings dressed like a French intellectual on his way to Cafe Les Deux Magots. The Minister for Energy, Communications and Natural Resources stepped out of his Government Toyota Prius hybrid car wearing a needle-cord black jacket, open-neck shirt, cream trousers and very "rive gauche" shoes. Jean-Paul Sartre filches the wardrobe of Nicolas Sarkozy.
He was greeted by the "earth-mother", Mary White, the Greens' deputy leader and local TD looking formidably Nordic in a battleship-grey suit. The pair toured the trade stands, patiently answered questions and charmed everyone. The Minister told a rapt audience that developing alternative energy resources to replace oil and gas is "the greatest political challenge of our time".
They heard evidence of climate change in his very own back garden where "roses are still blooming at the end of October" and how, during the drive down from Dublin, his car's temperature gauge had registered an unseasonal 19 degrees.
During his walkabout, a Bosch salesman for "ground source heat pumps" presented Mr Ryan with Picture a Greener Future - a children's book not unlike those produced by Soviet propagandists. Cartoon characters and BIG WORDS depict the "very thoughtful and considerate" Green family who live in a "happy house" which is full of "special energy saving features which help to make it warm and cosy". You know it's codswallop because they have no problem getting plumbers (Mr Comfy and Mr Snug) who arrive to install "Solar Sam", a chirpy chappie who catches "the sun's rays on his tummy". "Bobby the Boiler", beaming like a genial Bertie, "agrees that Solar Sam's help will be very useful" and says: "co-operation means sharing the load and working together with a friend".
The story ends as "Solar Sam watches over the goings-on in Forest Drive, wondering whether any of the neighbouring houses will soon have any solar friends joining him up on the roof". It's lonely at the top.