It often seemed that public debate about marriage and family structures in Ireland was stymied by extremists on both sides, the President, Mrs McAleese, said in Co Clare yesterday.
Addressing a 300-delegate conference of Accord, the marriage counselling and relationship support agency, she added that on one side the strident self-righteousness of many proponents of the "traditional" model, had done little for its image.
In the process, they had offended the many single parents who struggled against the odds to raise their children decently and who rightly resented being labelled as the cause of every social evil.
"On the other side are those who decry traditional marriage as a patriarchal prison, source of hypocrisy, inequality and unfulfilment. They ignore the fact that for the majority of people commitment to a long-term loving relationship for themselves and their children is represented by marriage and that many marriages work well. Neither extreme helps the debate, each uses children as pawns in a fruitless argument," Mrs McAleese said.
She added that although a model in which two parents shared the burdens and joys of child rearing was not always possible, this should neither degenerate into the witch-hunting of those whose lives had taken a different turn nor undermine the value of this model as the primary, though not exclusive, means of providing the supports that children needed.
"These challenges are daunting, but we should not forget that most couples still bring to their marriage mutual love and affection, commitment to their relationship and determination to succeed. Some 17,000 Irish couples tied the knot last year and despite the trend towards increasing secularism, the vast majority of marriages take place in church," she said.