A problem gambler; Another rural invasion; Tears shed over foreign onions; An unwanted advocate and why it's vital to keep those lips sealed.
Top bookies at odds over last-minute punt on Bertie's resignation
TWO TOP bookmakers are involved in a professional difference of opinion over bets taken just before Bertie Ahern announced he was to resign from office.
Stuart Kenny, formerly the boss at betting giant Paddy Power, took a tidy sum from Celtic Bookmakers, owned by former Fine Gael minister Ivan Yates, when he placed a bet on the taoiseach leaving office by the end of this year less than an hour before Bertie's announcement.
Kenny, who says politics is his "special subject", said he got a call from a journalist on the morning in question, cancelling a meeting because Bertie was about to make a major announcement. "I thought, there's only one reason for that and placed a bet with Celtic Bookmakers." He adds he had won a number of bets with Yates's firm on general election results, and has also done well betting on Barack Obama.
During the week, he phoned to put a bet on the European Cup final, only to be informed his account was closed.
"In fairness, that's fairly standard in bookies, so I'm not complaining. Ivan must have been up late the morning Bertie resigned. I don't mind that Ivan thinks I'm too hot to handle. He's obviously accepted that I know more about politics than he does," says Kenny, upping the ante.
But Yates is having none of it. He says he was out of the country when Bertie made his personal statement, but admits his staff were caught out - and not only by Stuart Kenny. "Other members of a certain party caught us out too." He compared Kenny's actions to a smash and grab. "I don't think it was clever, and I think he was too smart by half. It has nothing to do with his perspicacity . . . I was singularly unimpressed, and I don't regard it as a fair bet. It wasn't clever and yes, I did close his account." Yates says he paid out, nonetheless.
Yates says he has no difficulties with Stuart's bona fides, but on this occasion, he was "trying to burgle advantage". "I would have been happy to lay the Drumcondra mafia, as I laid the Tánaiste Mary Coughlan." (7/4 on Mary, apparently.) Bookmakers speak a strange language.
Kenny had a parting shot: "Do people now have to ring Celtic now to make sure Ivan is
in the country before they can place a bet?" What we want to know is, was there another reason for the long delay before Bertie finally made it to the steps of Government Buildings to make his announcement? Surely people weren't ringing their bookies?
Belated celebration
We thought the Cowenistas has returned last Wednesday for a rerun of the day they annexed Leinster House. However, the good-humoured hordes turned out to be guests of Fine Gael new boy in Clare, Joe Carey, enjoying delayed celebrations for their man's election. Joe, son of former FG Dáil stalwart Donal, brought up three buses from the county and had 140 friends and supporters signed in for the day. It turns out that the young deputy missed much of the opening months of the new Dáil due to illness. As soon as the election was over, he managed to get to Leinster House for the election of the Government, despite feeling very unwell. He was later diagnosed with a severe case of chicken-pox and spent weeks in hospital.
"It was a long time coming, but we finally had our day in Leinster House. The staff were marvellous and everyone really enjoyed their Dáil experience," said Joe, who was accompanied by his fiancee, Grace Fitzell, from Ballydesmond in Kerry. Joe, by the way, stood a meal for all his guests in the Dáil restaurants. He didn't say how much it cost, but went a little pale when asked.
Stand up for scallions
After a brief lull, vegetable tart Trevor Sargent has returned to his old ways. Nothing will ever replace the winsome home grown potato in Trevor's affections, but this
hasn't stopped him carrying out a string of dalliances with passing vegetables that catch his eye.
This time, he has been captivated by a bunch of local scallions, and he is gallantly fighting their corner against their more pushy foreign rivals.
"Unlabelled Irish and imported non-EU scallions confuse Irish shoppers" screams his latest press release.
"May is the month when locally grown scallions come into season," trills a besotted Trevor. "Up to now shops have been stocking produce from outside the EU. I am hopeful that Irish scallions will soon be more easily identified by the consumer." A new EU standard will soon come into force, he says, which will ensure that consumers will be able to clearly identify the scallions that are Irish and those that are not.
Needless to say, Veg Tart Trevor includes a cookery tip: "Scallions have traditionally been a salad crop, but increasingly they now feature in stir-fries and soups." Three cheers to Trevor, for remaining true to scallions.
Seanad mystery solved
It came out of the blue on Wednesday afternoon in the Seanad. "Before I call the leader to reply, Senator Leyden wishes to make a personal statement," announced An Cathaoirlach.
Terry jumped to his feet. "I withdraw the remark I made here on January 30th, 2008 about the Director of Public Prosecutions. It was not my intention to cause any embarrassment to the House or to the chair." That was it. Blink, and you'd have missed it. Nobody commented in the chamber.
But what had happened to poor Terry to force him into the chamber to apologise - a full four months after the fact? A quick check back in the record revealed that Leyden was referring to his outburst against the DPP back in January, when he blew a gasket on behalf of his friend, Michael "the Stroke" Fahy. Cllr Fahy had been jailed on a fraud charge.
Senator Leyden, who visited the Galway politician while he was in jail, asked why the DPP had re-entered the case after Fahy was acquitted in the Court of Criminal Appeal on November 28th.
"He suffered eight months in Castlerea Prison and was given a considerable fine but he has recommenced his work as a member of Galway County Council. Now, the DPP has decided to re-enter a case against him. This is not prosecution, it is persecution of a man doing his duty - he brought his mother home for Christmas from a welfare home . . . It is a waste of public funds and the matter should be left aside. This man has suffered enough. I ask the DPP to reconsider his decision," pleaded Leyden.
Senator Leyden was a passionate defender of his friend during and after his incarceration. Furthermore, Leyden - as Bertie demonstrated in his recent successful court action against the Mahon tribunal - can say what he likes in the chamber and not be accountable in a court.
However, it seems his good deeds were not fully appreciated by Cllr Fahy, who communicated his displeasure in no uncertain terms to Leyden for putting his case so forcefully and publicly. Hence, Leyden's change of heart on Wednesday.
Too much excitement
And this week's Hiding Her Light Under a Bushel award goes to Senator Mary White. No surprise there. The woman who wants to be president looked at her colleagues in the upper house on Wednesday and informed the chair: "They all get very excited every time I rise to speak."
Senator Shane Ross: "I'm dumbstruck. I share the house's excitement every time Senator White stands up to speak."
Senator David Norris: "Folley dat."
Senator Ross: "Oh dear."
An Cathaoirleach: "You're not confused as well, are you?"
Words of advice
In the wake of Wednesday's B*?#*gate, entertainment supremo Senator Donie Cassidy delivered a timely lesson on the dangers posed by voice amplification devices to his Seanad colleagues.
"Similar language was also used in another private conversation that took place in Dáil Éireann with the former president of the Labour Party. The system that existed at that time still exists. It is in this house also. Even if senators' microphones are not switched on, that does not mean their conversations are not being heard. At the time, the Ceann Comhairle did not hear the utterances of the former president, Proinsias De Rossa, whose microphone was not turned on. However, his words were recorded.
"I am just alerting the house to the system that exists. Just because a member's microphone is not switched on does not mean the conversation is not being heard."
"Perhaps even the intimate conversations going on this morning while Senator Paschal Donohoe was speaking were recorded. Who knows?" Very mysterious. In the twin chambers of Leinster House, it seems that the walls really do have ears.
'Scary' cracks whip
He may appear like a mild-mannered schoolteacher type, but the new Chief Whip is not to be trifled with.
Pat "Scary" Carey made the newspapers this week after he dispatched a letter to every deputy in the party, warning them that if they miss any more Dáil votes they'll be hauled up before the Taoiseach.
"I am asking all members of the parliamentary party to resist the easier options when it comes to attendances in the Houses . . . Attendance at local events should only be arranged for non sitting days," he wrote. "It is vital that you never miss a vote without full permission from my office, and under no circs are informal pairing arrangements to be entered into with opposition members.
"Following discussion with the Taoiseach I will be keeping a record of any votes that may be missed by members. In the event of any missed votes, I will, on a systematic basis, be informing the Taoiseach of these. Both the Taoiseach and I will be dealing with these missed votes together if they happen to arise," warns Scary Carey.
The letter was dated on Friday of last week and by the time sittings resumed on Tuesday, disgruntled deputies were already complaining to the media, new era or not. Copies of the offending letter circulated.
"He's treating us like a shower of bold schoolchildren," sniffed one affronted backbencher.
Which may not be too wide of the mark, as Chief Whip Carey is already reported to have informed his sullen charges that he used to be a deputy school principal, and so, has heard every excuse in the book. Which means the old "dog ate the keys to the Dáil bar and I couldn't get out to vote" story will no longer be accepted.
Fare play for Minister
In the battle of the Arty Martins, Arty Mansergh is proving far more entertaining than his senior Minister, Arty Cullen.
"I look forward to creative interaction with the civil servants in my department in my role as Minister of State. My wife and I took the opportunity some nights ago to watch several episodes of Yes, Minister. I particularly enjoyed the one in which the minister proposes to demolish an art gallery to fund a favourite sports organisation in his constituency but is frustrated in so doing," chortled Arty Mansergh in the Dáil on Tuesday. This was clearly not in any reference to Arty Cullen's concomitant sports brief.
Then on Wednesday, Martin M spoke of the joys of public transport, and how it pertains to ministers (Hardly, Martin). "I lived in the city as a civil servant and adviser for 28 years. I am now back in No 52 St Stephen's Green where I worked 30 years ago as a civil servant in the economic division of the Department of Foreign Affairs.
To which Fine Gael's Fergus O'Dowd remarked: "It's time for you to go back."
The Ceann Comhairle set off on a frolic of his own. "It's a bit like The Return of the Pink Panthermused The Bull O'Donoghue.
At least the junior arts Minister seemed to understand. "I have met Olivia Mitchell more than once, travelling on the Luas," he declared. The Fine Gael deputy for Dublin South is noted for her year-round tan. In fairness, she has never been pink.
It appeared that Martin M was let out on his own in the new job for the first time on Tuesday.
"I appreciate that I am only a recently appointed Minister of State, but there is a notion that Ministers are far removed from everyday reality and that we are driven around by other people. As far as I was concerned yesterday, ministerial transport consisted of the Dart and a people carrier the OPW has for its staff, which saves a lot of taxi fares.
There was no stopping Fergus O'Dowd: "Who was pulling it?"
But Arty Mansergh was full of the joys of his big day out in Dublin. "In the course of the day I also used the No 11 and No 59 buses. I am immensely grateful. I intend to continue to use public transport. It is not only just one party in this House that uses public transport and bicycles at ministerial level. I do not promise to use the bicycle much, although I have one at home in Tipperary, but I intend to go on using public transport to a considerable extent because it is an efficient method of transport." In that respect, Arty Mansergh will be the only show in town. Arty Cullen is sticking with his state car.