Why a slip-up means Fianna Fáil has to watch its steps . . . Ivor's posters take a pasting . . . as do Charlie's . . .The lowdown on Parlon's hoedown . . . McDowell joins the fun police . . . Cecilia rattles the tin . . . And a star-struck Alan Shatter swaps Captain Kirk for Simon Cowell
It's been an inauspicious beginning for Ireland's most eagerly awaited political slogan since "A Lot Done, More to Do." As closely guarded as Bertie Ahern's thoughts on a date for polling day, Fianna Fáil has steadfastly refused to give any indication of the election message they have chosen to take them through the campaign.
It's due to be unveiled at a major launch on Monday.
However, the slogan popped up prematurely on a newspaper website this week, giving the game away to the Opposition and causing consternation in party HQ.
"The Next Steps" will be the theme of Fianna Fáil's election campaign.
The Taoiseach's crucial conference speech in Dublin tonight is built around the phrase, while it forms the basis for the billboard launch and battle ahead.
The web advert, which was quickly removed, directed people to Fianna Fail's advertising campaign. "Over the last 10 years, Ireland has taken major steps forward . . . Together, let's take the next steps forward .. ." Unfortunately, users who tried to take the next steps forward found their way blocked. Needless to say, Fine Gael was delighted.
Phil Hogan crowed: "When it comes to representing Fianna Fáil's record in Government, the fact that the Next Steps website isn't working and makes promises it doesn't deliver on, is extremely apt. Based on this, the next steps Fianna Fáil will be taking will be out the door of Government Buildings in two months' time."
The Next Steps campaign - sounds a bit like a rehabilitation programme - should provide plenty of scope for mischief. Next Steps for the Government? Answers on a ballot paper please.
Yet again, Fianna Fáil is hoping the Taoiseach's undoubted popularity will do the business for them. A style manual for election 2007 has been issued to constituency campaign managers, listing the full selection of election literature and promotional material available. From car stickers to posters, from canvass cards to advertisements on buses, there is just one golden rule.
"In all cases, the list of candidates shall be preceded by the caption 'Bertie's Team'."
According to the Litter Pollution Act 1997, election posters shouldn't be up yet. That hasn't prevented some candidates from trying to circumvent the law by putting up posters advertising public meetings and other events.
Ivor Callely, battling to hold one of Fianna Fáil's two seats in the newly reduced three- seater of Dublin North Central, has been extremely inventive in his efforts to steal a publicity march.
Sacked junior minister Ivor is running weekly seminars on "career development" at the local Marino Institute. Since early last month, posters publicising his talks have appeared all over the constituency. If the heading: "Ivor Callely presents" isn't enough to attract people, budding impresario Ivor hopes to entice them with the tagline "It could be me." Which is what he's hoping where his own career development is concerned. Independent TD Finian McGrath, who is one of four sitting deputies chasing the three seats, is not impressed.
"We're hearing there's a very low turnout for these seminars. It's a gimmick to get around the existing procedures and get his name up ahead of everyone else.
"I've no problems with people who are genuinely organising meetings, but the fact that Ivor, who is running for re-election, has chosen to run these seminars now would make people very cynical and suspicious."
Finian wonders if he might have a plug for his meeting on the future of Dublin Bay this Thursday night in Clontarf GAA club. Unlike Ivor, he forgot the posters.
Fianna Fáil's Charlie O'Connor should have consulted wily Ivor before putting up 400 posters around the Tallaght/Clondalkin area earlier this week.
"Tallaght and O'Connor go together" and "O'Connor, Yes, he's the 1" went up around Dublin South West, but Charlie argues they were not election posters - no mention of voting anywhere. "They were honest and not saying I'm something that I'm not," said Charlie, smarting a little after the council sent him a letter ordering him to remove them as a matter of urgency.
They were only up a day before complaints came in. "From what I can gather, they were politically motivated." Could Sinn Féin's Seán Crowe be the culprit? Or Labour leader Pat Rabbitte? It would never be Charlie's Fianna Fáil constituency colleague, Conor Lenihan.
They're calling it The Hooley at Dooly's.
Minister of State Tom Parlon may glory in the title of president of the Progressive Democrats these days, but in a previous incarnation he was president of the Irish Farmers' Association.
Battling to keep his seat in the hothouse Laois-Offaly constituency, Tom was doubtless gratified at the turnout by IFA friends at his campaign launch in Dooly's Hotel in Birr recently. The Irish Farmers' Journal reported "a sizeable farming crew" at the hoedown, including Offaly county chairman Aidan Larkin, along with fellow IFA luminaries deputy president Derek Deane and director of livestock Kevin Kinsella.
This aroused the ire of Waterford activist Gerry Murphy, who pointed out in a letter to the Journal that the rule-book says: "The IFA shall remain non-party political and non- sectarian and shall not sponsor, put forward or support candidates or candidates' substitutes for the parliament of the European Community, Dáil Éireann, Seanad Éireann, county or urban district councils or presidential elections."
He called on the association's national treasurer/returning officer Ruaidhrí Deasy to convene a special meeting of the rules and privileges committee with a view to recommending "appropriate sanctions" against the Dooly's Hooley trio.
But Mr Deasy responded that Messrs Larkin, Deane and Kinsella are "long-standing personal friends of Tom Parlon and their presence does not signify the IFA's endorsement of any candidate or political party in the general election".
So that's all right then.
Pity the youngsters of Dublin 4, who only want to have fun at the teen disco in Lansdowne Rugby Club.
It's tough being a teenager in a world full of rules and delicious opportunity but at least they aren't back in the days of parish priests lurking in the shadows with blackthorn sticks, lecturing on the evils of drink and putting the fear of God into courting couples.
No. The gilded youth at Lansdowne's fundraising disco for the U-15s rugby team must contend with a more formidable force. Among the parents volunteering to supervise is PD leader Michael McDowell. God love them. That's some passion killer. There'll not be much hanky-panky with the Minister for Justice on patrol.
Can the man not stop getting into trouble? Michael McDowell is in hot water again, for doing the crossword during Thursday's debate on the Criminal Justice Bill.
We understand the Minister was wrestling with the last two clues in the Crosaire - he was seen just before the debate, hunched over his Irish Times in the Dáil restaurant.
Michael does, sorry, completes the Crosaire every day, and his staff say he's like a dog with a bone until he finishes it.
No surprise there.
Here's a lovely festive picture of Fianna Fáil TD for Donegal North East, Cecilia Keaveney. An accomplished musician, Cecilia is urging Minister for the Arts John O'Donoghue and Minister for the Gaeltacht and Rural Affairs Éamon Ó Cuív to grant-aid local community marching bands. "It is time that there was a grant specifically for our local community marching bands, concert bands and amateur youth bands to recognise both their importance to our young people's development, and the enjoyment factor for us all when festival time comes around." Where would St Patrick's Day be without them?
Writing in Magill magazine recently, Fine Gael candidate for Dublin South Alan Shatter lamented that "detailed discussion of policy is a rarity" in Irish politics.
In the latest edition of his newsletter, Alan's contribution to serious debate is thought-provoking, if rather disturbing.
The headline screams "Shatter has the X-Factor" and goes on to compare him to Simon Cowell, the man behind the hit TV talent show. Voters will be delighted to know that Cowell began his career in the music industry in 1979, "the same year Alan Shatter was elected to Dublin County Council to represent Knocklyon, Ballyboden and Rathfarnham."
There follows a brief biography of the X-Factor judge, before concluding "Simon Cowell is not a candidate in Dublin South, so voting for him is a waste of time. Voting No 1 for Alan Shatter is a much better idea."
The former Fine Gael TD, who is attempting a comeback, seems to fancy himself in different guises. In his newsletter last October, he superimposed his head on to the body of Star Trek's Captain Kirk. "Only one of these men needs your number one vote!" ran the headline. The accompanying article warned readers Mr Shatter might "resort to his phaser weapons" if first preference votes weren't forthcoming.
Shatter does Shatner, geddit? What a card.