Exclusive: Enda's 11 in full
The Taoiseach is going to announce his Seanad nominees next week. We’ve seen a top-secret copy of his final line-up and the reasons for his choices.
Senator Donie Cassidy This would be seen as a humanitarian gesture, and Donie's expertise in organising Oireachtas golf outings would be invaluable. He could job-share with Senator Dickie Rock, as they are similarly coiffed.
Senator Alex Ferguson This would spark a national debate between the tiresome portion of the population that is willing to die for Manchester United, the equally tiresome portion that declares a visceral hatred for the team, and the dwindling remainder known as people who have a life.
Senator David McSavage Because it would be unthinkable not have to have an Andrews in the Oireachtas.
Senator Philip Treacy Galway's milliner to the stars can cope with big heads, so he would be at home in Leinster House. He would be appointed hat adviser to Enda Kenny, a critical position in the new administration following the Taoiseach's recent back-to-front-baseball-cap abomination. Philip could also design some lovely fascinators for senators, to counteract the lack of fascination from the floor.
Senator Gay Byrne In the event of David Norris leaving the Upper House for Áras an Uachtaráin, there would be an opening for an outspoken Gay in the Seanad.
Senator George Osborne Britain's posh treasury secretary has kindly slipped us €4.2 billion to keep the lights on; he is heir to various baronies in Éire and his ancestors were absentee landlords who were members of the Irish House of Lords. He could be an absentee senator, thereby becoming more Irish than the Irish themselves. And Gerry Adams wouldn't feel so alone as the only Oireachtas member with a British title.
Senator Grace Van Cutsem She's the royal-wedding flower girl who covered her ears and wished she were somewhere else. She would represent all those people who have had the misfortune to stray into the Seanad chamber and are still having nightmares.
Senator Mark Garrett Who? Uber-adviser Garrett is said to be the real leader of the Labour Party, so it's only fair that he should be given an Oireachtas platform. Although with him gone, Eamon Gilmore might fret.
Senator Michael Flatley Did you know the Seanad chamber used to be a ballroom? Who better than Sen Toora-loora Blessins' of God on Ya Flatley to cut the rug when proceedings start to flag? And there would be no shortage of homespun wisdom either.
Senator Jimmy Walsh For service above and beyond the call of duty. Irish Times journalist Jimmy is the one constant in Seanad Éireann, valiantly covering the daily business in the chamber in the teeth of overwhelming tedium, vicious hot air and extreme hairstyles.
Senator Ivor Callely Because west Co Cork needs a strong voice in Leinster House.
It's all go, go, go for Harney Globetrotters
We see former minister Mary Harney is in the news again after receiving a payment of more than €400,000 from the radio station Newstalk in settlement of a libel action.
Mary resigned from politics in January of this year in the first of a series of sudden (and lucrative) getaways by government ministers.
But she has been busy since her departure from the limelight, and, in particular, has been indulging in her fondness for foreign travel. She is just back from a holiday in St Petersburg, which followed on from a trip to Seville.
More foreign jaunts are planned: it's like she's never left politics – although this time she has to foot the bill herself.
When the Harney Globetrotters are at home, there is much to do. The former tánaiste and PD leader and her husband, Brian, are renovating their Clonskeagh home at considerable expense and have had to move out to a nearby apartment to facilitate the work.
And we hear Mary has also been talking about moving house, so she can live closer to the city. Now is the time to purchase: there must be great deals out there for a cash buyer.
Kenny versus Cowen: it's a tie
The hard-working catering staff at Leinster House held an old-fashioned bring-and-buy sale in the Private Dining Room yesterday afternoon. The attendance was swelled by many former members of the Oireachtas staff, who were at their annual luncheon.
Among the impressive array of bric-a-brac was a tie signed by Enda Kenny. This is no ordinary tie: it was the blue silk Hermès one he wore in the Dáil chamber on his first day as Taoiseach (left). It was cleverly displayed inside a pink vintage television set.
This year’s event was a fundraiser for the Alzheimers Society of Ireland and the Special Olympics.
At a previous sale Brian Cowen donated the tie he wore on the day he became Taoiseach, and it sold for €4,000. When Enda handed over his tie this week he left instructions that it was not to be sold for any less than the price fetched by Cowen’s.
In the event of it failing to reach its reserve the Taoiseach promised that he would buy it back himself.
However, we hear that a number of public houses in Mayo expressed an interest in acquiring this unique lot and the Taoiseach was not required to put his hand in his pocket.
** THE SOCIALIST PARTY TD Clare Daly must be experiencing a surge in telephone calls in her new Dáil office. Each overworked photocopier at the Leinster House 2000 annex has a list of three numbers to ring if the machine isn’t working. The first one connects you to Deputy Daly.
The keeper of secrets pulls his last Dáil pint
There was a big night in Leinster House on Thursday to mark the retirement of Denis Reid after 41 years of pulling pints for politicians and sundry other reprobates in the Dáil bar.
The Leinster House legend was always the soul of discretion, and he takes a lot of secrets away with him. "If he were ever to tell the half of what he knows, it would certainly be a best-seller," said Pat Rabbitte during a hilarious tribute to the droll bar manager.
Reid had a stock of quotes for all political occasions, he said. "You come in during the one day that you might be in the house during a general-election campaign, and you go to the bar for a coffee, and Denis looks at you and says, 'Massive response.' He doesn't have to ask the question at all. Or you come in on the morning of a budget and he says, 'A missed opportunity.' "
The Former Fianna Fáil TD Noel Davern said Denis was "a psychiatrist, a psychiatric nurse and a mender of broken hearts. He was a fabulous person here in the bar. He was great to members: sympathetic to those who were defeated or in trouble of any sort."
Though he did not say whom he referred to, Davern told the story of "one of the most famous meanest members of the house", who went into the bar one day and ordered a coffee and a Club Milk.
"Denis looked in surprise at him and said, 'Oh, we're dining out again,' and put a knife and fork in front of him."
The broadcaster Eoin Ó Murchú spoke on behalf of the press gallery, members of which have been known to partake of an occasional libation. He told the politicians that Reid patiently explained the realities of Irish politics to innocent journalists. "So if you don't like what's in the press, you know who's to blame," he added.
The guests were joined by Reid's wife, Rita, and daughters, Denise, Ailish and Mairéad, along with friends from Edmonstown Golf Club, Faughs and St Jude's GAA clubs.
Reid has passed the mantle on to the new bar manager, Darren Brady, who will carry on the fine tradition of looking after our elected representatives while simultaneously allowing none of them to get above themselves.
Sarkozy hopes to be up the polls
There is nothing better than a new baby to boost the popularity ratings of a flagging leader. Nicolas Sarkozy is facing an election next year, and the French are not very keen on him at the moment. But what if his supermodel wife announces that she is expecting? Better still, what if Le President announces it?
The Élysée Palace is refusing to confirm or deny rumours that Carla Bruni-Sarkozy is pregnant with twins. And Carla is being very coy. She told the newspaper Le Parisien she had decided not to "talk about it" to protect her family. "I would love to talk, woman to woman, about my family life, my personal dreams, about the details of certain things," she murmured. "But in a way my lips are sealed. Not out of arrogance or out of a taste for secrecy . . . but to protect something and all the work that [my husband] does."
Enda's clever move keeps troops on board
It's less than a year since Fine Gael had a robust contest to elect the chairman of the parliamentary party. At the time the Galway veteran Pádraic McCormack won out over long-serving chairman Tom Hayes, of Tipperary South, and new kid on the block Joe McHugh, of Donegal North East. McCormack didn't contest the last election, and the job is up for grabs again. McHugh is said to be considering another tilt at the title, while current vice-chairman Senator Maurice Cummins is also looking at his options.
The front-runner appears to be the deputy for Laois Offaly Charlie Flanagan. Charlie, who impressed as the Fine Gael justice spokesman during the wilderness years, found himself out in the cold when Enda was handing out ministries. The prestigious job would boost Flanagan's profile, and he could cause some mischief should he be so inclined. Charlie would have the support of some deputies and senators who feel their talents have not been recognised by the leader.
But wily Enda pulled a clever move when he appointed the Cabinet: he added that he would review his officer corps after a couple of years, thus holding out the prospect of advancement for those who were passed over in March. They won't want to rock the boat.
Meanwhile, Senator Paddy Burke of Castlebar – Enda's golfing buddy and his eyes and ears in the constituency and in Leinster House – is considered home and hosed for the job of Cathaoirleach of the Seanad.
Plug pulled on perfect Ireland
Tragic news from Germany, where the public broadcaster ZDF has pulled the plug on Our Farm in Ireland. The Sunday-evening drama was the third-most-watched programme on the station, often pulling in more than six million viewers.
It tells the story of a German widower, Martin Winter, who moves to the Irish village of Ballymara with his three daughters. Before the doctor can even unpack his stethoscope he falls in love with a local shepherdess, Erin O'Toole, and it's a roller coaster of a yarn after that. There are thrills, spills and sheep.
So why pull the plug? Insiders say the series had run its course: Dr Winter had married Erin, she had his baby and the edge had gone from the relationship. "The Irish shouldn't fret," said a spokesperson for ZDF. "We planned eight episodes. They were filmed and broadcast as planned. Not every successful programme is continued."
Besides a bunch of out-of-work actors, the real loser is the secret star of the series: Ireland. The drama was just an excuse to broadcast spectacular footage of an alternative, better Ireland where the banks were solvent, the sun always shone and it never, ever rained.
So overwhelming were the outdoor shots of beaches, cliffs and foaming waves that producers managed to create a new television genre: coastal porn.
They're weeping buckets at Tourism Ireland.
All aboard Obama's gravy train
Full marks to Railtours Ireland for showing some initiative. Posters have gone up at railway stations announcing the start of the Barack Obama Ancestral Tour (including the Rock of Cashel). This is "an extended day tour" – rather like the trip that will be taken shortly to these shores by the man himself.
"To celebrate the visit to Ireland of President Obama," Railtours is "delighted" to launch this bus and train odyssey around counties Offaly and Tipperary. It runs daily, Monday to Saturday, from May to September.
It costs €64 for adults, and lunch at Hayes pub in Moneygall is thrown in.
Full marks and a senate nomination to whoever came up with that quick wheeze.
Larkin about
The Labour Party president and Áras an Uachtaráin hopeful, Michael D Higgins, was the witty headliner at the Larkin Hedge School in the Teachers' Club in Dublin last night – the only hedge in Ireland not on fire.
The presence of the "Galway poet", as he was billed, will have done no harm to his reputation among trade-unionists. He spoke at length before handing over to another poet, Gerard Smyth, for a reading entitled City of Words. The man who would be president was also given the honour of helping Martin Quinn, Gabriel McArdle and Gerry O'Connor launch their curiously named album, Jig Away the Donkey.
The festival opened on Thursday night at the Flowing Tide pub. Barry Gleeson (the talented ballad-singing brother of Brendan) celebrated writers in song. Gleeson and warbling friends considered everyone from Zozimus to Joyce and O'Casey to Kavanagh.
Also remembered was the literary contribution of George Hodnett, the late jazz correspondent of The Irish Times. Hoddy's Monto was sung with gusto by the assembled gathering in "honour" of Queen Elizabeth's upcoming visit, much to the bemusement of educationalists from Kosovo who dropped in on the session.
** MICHAEL D was the only politician to feature last night, but politicians may feature at tonight's concert in Liberty Hall. Star billing goes to the People's College Choir, with more retired trade-union officials than you would find on a State board – and they take their singing duties just as seriously. One of the best-known retired officials, Des Geraghty, has put together a tribute to Sean O'Casey, Song of the Green Crow, and it's expected to get an airing.
Among those taking part in the concert are the McConnell brothers: Cormac, Mickey, Sean and Cathal. It used to be said of the McConnell clan that they had so many journalists in the family they could start their own NUJ chapel, but they are also known as musicians, singers and songwriters.
Some tickets are available on the door at Liberty Hall; cleclub.wetpaint.com.
