Miriam Lord's Week

WAGs wot won it; worm turns on mean streets; open-and-shut case; because two out of three ain't bad; Leo struts his stuff; fobbed…

WAGs wot won it; worm turns on mean streets; open-and-shut case; because two out of three ain't bad; Leo struts his stuff; fobbed off; slimmed-down Senator; things looking up

McCormack’s turn-up for the books

Pádraic McCormack, the veteran deputy for Galway West who had to be persuaded to run again in the last election, confounded both the commentators and most of his parliamentary party when he was elected Fine Gael chairman on Wednesday night.

A lot of shocked and pale politicians reeled out of the meeting, and they took their bewilderment to the bar where they discussed what went wrong in quiet little huddles. As for Pádraic, who was party chairman in the troubled times before Enda Kenny became leader, his win was seen by some as atonement for way in which he lost the job back then. This time, it was the Fine Gael WAGs wot won it for Pádraic.

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McCormack (64), a dedicated heckler during Leaders’ Questions, was passionate and fluent during his address to the members. He said the party needed to bond, and to this end, he would be bringing all the WAGs together “for a non-political social night out with husbands, wives, boyfriends, girlfriends or whatever you’re into yourself”. And with that – and a clever campaign masterminded by Michael Ring – Pádraic stole victory.

First-time deputy Joe McHugh was seen as clear favourite for the job. It was rumoured that leader Enda Kenny, who kept his counsel during the campaign, was backing the Donegal TD as the fresh young face of new Fine Gael. After the result, Kenny sources were quite insistent they backed McCormack – a loyal servant.

Meanwhile, outgoing chairman Tom Hayes, in the job for seven years, sensed that the mood was against him. When he spoke, he defended his position on the Oireachtas Commission. It was a difficult pitch to make, the commission members, who are paid handsomely for their trouble, are the people who oversaw the introduction of the new expenses and clocking-in regime.

No matter what they might say in public, many deputies and Senators are very sore about it. Michael Noonan and Senator Maurice Cummins were the returning officers. The election was held, sensibly, in the medical room.

McCormack won handsomely on the first count and by a single vote over Tom Hayes when McHugh’s voters were distributed. Young buck Joe was a long way back.

The result is being scrutinised by the party. What does this mean for Enda? Where now for the dissidents, the mutterers – who thought they had the young-buck vote stitched up, but the young ones split in all directions.

The big winners are McCormack, chairman and social secretary, and most of all, the Ringer. Aided and abetted by two other old dogs for the hard road – Dinny McGinley and Ulick Burke – Michael Ring ran rings around the slick Willies with West Wingcomplexes.

Easier to stay tweets ahead than streets ahead, Dan

Here’s a thought for Senator Dan Boyle, who was most discommoded when TV3 reporter Stephen Murphy chased him on Wednesday night looking for a comment on the Greens’ rotating Ministers plan: if you can be followed on the tweet, you can be followed on the street.

Danbo was not amused following his ordeal by microphone, and said so in the Seanad the following day.

“Last night when I left Leinster House, I was chased half way down Molesworth Street.”

Fine Gael’s Jerry Buttimer was impressed. “You never walked so fast in your life.”

The Green Party chairman pressed on. “Regardless of the issue in question, I feel that type of behaviour and questioning is magnified elsewhere in public life. This morning when I was coming down Thomas Street an, admittedly, very drunk man shouted at me for five minutes calling me a maggot. I believe he did so because he saw last night’s scenes involving me on television.” Talk about having notions . . .

And wouldn’t you think the ruffian would have had the civility to tweet his misgivings, instead of frightening the Senator from Cork by standing up and declaring them in public?

As Boyle sees it, Oireachtas Report is not the only television programme that can boast an audience of drunks and insomniacs. Although, going by his description of what occurred, one suspects Danbo is mistaken in his belief that his legless assailant was motivated by TV3’s report on the Green Party.

Sozzled and roaring on the street early in the morning suggests the unfortunate gentleman has more to be worried about than Dan Boyle’s views on Cabinet reshuffles and junior ministerial posts.

Still, at least David Norris was sympathetic. “Well said!” he boomed. (However, we are unable to ascertain if Norris was talking about Danbo or the man who cried “maggot!”)

Prof’s husband a big wig down the Four Courts

The annual Bar Council debate takes place next Thursday at 6.30pm in the Sugar Club on Lesson Street. It will be chaired by a chap called Michael McDowell SC, who is the husband of Prof Niamh Brennan, one of our foremost authorities on corporate governance and Chair of the Dublin Docklands Development Association. We believe Mr McDowell, who is a dog lover and takes a keen interest in current affairs, is something of a big wig down the Four Courts.

Speakers include a line-up of noted shrinking violets: David Norris, Ivana Bacik, Alex White, Lucinda Creighton, Pat Leahy of the Sunday Business Post and barrister, Irish Times columnist and former Fianna Fáil election candidate Noel Whelan.

The motion they will address is: “That our parliament is not fit for purpose”. Well, of course it isn’t – not now that a certain former minister for justice, tánaiste and PD leader isn’t a part of it. An open-and-shut case there.

Blueshirts prevail in battle of the community hall

It’s been a tough week for Tom Hayes. Before battling for the chair of the FG parliamentary party on Wednesday night, Tom had to do battle with some Fianna Fáil rivals back in his South Tipperary constituency.

On Monday, he was due to attend the AGM of the Donohill branch, a tiny village close to Soloheadbeg, the spot where the War of Independence started in January 1919. Close to 20 party supporters arrived at the small community hall only to find it had been double booked by the local Dan Breen FF Cumann for their agm. The Soldiers of Destiny – who were fewer in number, although they had heavy gun Mattie McGrath in their ranks – rolled up to the door. But the Blueshirts had been first in and would not yield possession of the hall, forcing Mattie Co to retreat to one of two village pubs.

Afterwards, the Blueshirts adjourned to the other pub, which is owned by local FG councillor John Crosse. When the Fianna Fáil faithful came knocking on the door much later seeking refreshment, Crosse, conscious of the lateness of the hour, refused them entry, forcing them to retreat for a second time. Two wins for Tom. But the third, on Wednesday night, proved beyond him.

New man Ryan leaves experts in the dark

Eamon Ryan was guest speaker at the National Renewable Energy Conference in Croke Park on Thursday. Business got under way at the unusually early time of 8.40am, with Mr Ryan due to do the opening honours 10 minutes later. However, his audience of energy industry experts was left in the dark for almost an hour when Eamon failed to show. Eventually, he arrived, apologising profusely for being late.

“My seven-year-old wouldn’t do what she was told,” he explained to his (mostly male) audience. It sounded rather heroic. The Green Minister, after all, is poster boy for the Irish political new man. But his excuse left some of the females feeling a bit sour. “Can you imagine a woman getting away with that sort of explanation?” sighed one. “She wouldn’t say that in a million years.”

Varadkar having a bit of a catwalk Carrie-on

"I imagine it will kinda be like that bit from Sex and the City, although I hope I don't fall over like Carrie did." You have to love Leo Varadkar, who isn't afraid to admit that he watches Sex and the Cityand doesn't care who knows it. No wonder the ladies love him.

However, we are a little concerned for the Fine Gael deputy for Dublin West, who will be strutting his stuff on the catwalk in Dublin’s Mansion House tonight. Leo will be modelling clothes from Arnotts at a charity fashion show in aid of Respect, organised by the Trinity Business Alumni.

The Sex and the Cityepisode to which he refers has Carrie taking part in a New York fashion show and falling on the runway. But she picks herself up and steals the show. Oh, and she appears to be wearing nothing more than a bra and spangled knickers, high heels and coat that doesn't close. One presumes neither Leo's imagination nor the Arnotts collection stretches that far.

Tim bows out from the Áras tickling the ivories

After a long and glittering career in the Department of Foreign Affairs, Tim O’Connor recently retired as secretary general to the President. Limerick-born Tim served in many international postings, and was Consul General in New York before his appointment to the Áras.

To mark his retirement, friends and colleagues threw a bash in Brooks Hotel. In the course of the evening, the management wheeled out a piano specially for the retiring mandarin, who is an accomplished musician.

While he was in New York, the Consul General’s apartment in midtown Manhattan boasted a very fine piano and Tim never needed much encouragement to tickle the ivories. It transpired that the apartment was previously owned by the late Luther Vandross.

Well, he does fob off most things new-fangled . . .

Fianna Fáil’s Noel Treacy, a former minister for science, isn’t at all happy with the new-fangled fob that deputies and Senators must use to clock in.

He spoke out against the new system at this week’s Fianna Fáil parliamentary party meeting, supported by Tipperary colleague Máire Hoctor. Hoctor is now unhappy on three fronts: she lost her junior ministry; she has to stand by while Independent constituency rival Michael Lowry has his hand held by her Governmentl; and now, she has to clock in.

But Noel and Máire were the only two who voiced their opposition against the change. We tried to contact Noel yesterday, but couldn’t get a mobile number for him. Despite once being a minister for Bunsen burners, it seems the deputy for Galway East is a dyed in the wool Luddite. He doesn’t have a mobile phone. So much for the smart economy.

Noel declared at the meeting that he wouldn’t be clocking in under any circumstances, and, according to colleagues, he is being true to his word. However, if he’s having trouble with using the little fob, he can always sign in – they have a book to.

Meanwhile, we hear some deputies were testing the system on Wednesday night by seeing if they could clock themselves in after midnight, thus being marked present for Thursday. There is no requirement to clock off. The results aren’t known yet, but are awaited with interest.

‘Operation Transformation’ begins to pays off

All that exercise, discipline and healthy eating has really paid off for the 15 Oireachtas members who participated in RTÉ’s Operation Transformation.

Over the last eight weeks, the eight TDs and seven Senators have changed their dietary habits and conducted a strict exercise regime in a bid to shed weight and get fit. They have clocked up a combined weight-loss of 26st 11bs, with an average weight loss of 25lbs.

Speaking as leader of the participants, David Norris said: “We are all thrilled by the results we have achieved over the last eight weeks. Our hard work, determination and no little restraint has really paid off!” The regime finished on Wednesday. And David, bless, was complaining in the Seanad on Thursday that they were being forced to work through lunch.

Roche gets up close and personal on home soil

It’s quite appropriate that Brian Cowen visited Ardmore studios yesterday, given that this is Oscar weekend. Strangers to Irish politics would be forgiven for thinking they were on the set of a new horror movie if they happened upon Biffo and his entourage.

It was like a run through for The Man with Two Heads, the Taoiseach, doing his best to preserve his personal space while another man's head appeared to be growing from his shoulder. Well, we were in Wicklow, and there is a Cabinet reshuffle on the cards, and Dick Roche would be nursing certain expectations. Consequently, Dick was being very attentive to the boss. We're sure Biffo was most appreciative. Roche is off to Moscow for St Patrick's Day. Things are looking up.