Blueshirt alert over Kildare FF deputy; Donie Cassidy impartial to the last; Bertie rueful for cardinal status; missing Ministers Harney and Hanafin; jail and Dáil school lessons; texting mania among Ministers.
Pandemonium among Fianna Fáil Lilywhites during the week with the bombshell that Michael Fitzpatrick, veteran Kildare North TD and Charlie McCreevy's representative on Earth, had defected to the Blueshirts along with his county councillor son.
The drama began when the deputy took out a full-page advert in the programme for Maynooth secondary school's annual musical. "Michael Fitzpatrick TD and Cllr Daragh Fitzpatrick send best wishes to all the cast and crew of Me and My Girl" read their message, complete with smiling photographs of father and son. Unfortunately, due to a typographical error, it appeared under a large Fine Gael logo, with no mention of the Soldiers of Destiny.
The first Fitzpatrick knew of the blunder was when shocked constituents began phoning his office to ask if it was true he had switched sides. Such was the reaction, he had to go on local radio KFM to reassure party members he was still backing Bertie. The same goes for the young fella.
"I am staying on the winning team and will continue to represent the constituents of Kildare North as a member of Fianna Fáil," announced a delighted Michael. Local worries were further assuaged when the two attended a party gathering in Newbridge on Thursday night, and members were relieved to see Michael wearing a pristine white shirt and Daragh a pink one.
Never has so much value been squeezed out of such a little advertisement. Commissioner McCreevy must be so proud of his sidekick and Dáil successor.
We know Hill and Bill have to respect an Irish statesman's desire to remain impartial, but when they saw senator Edward Kennedy and family coming out in support of Barack Obama in the run-up to Super Tuesday, they must surely have considered putting in a mercy call to Castlepollard.
Likewise, Obama will have endured some anxious moments as he wondered whether a rallying cry for the Clintons would issue from across the Atlantic.
As for John McCain on the Republican side, he will have been deeply disappointed that a heavyweight endorsement, which might have pushed him over the line in terms of delegate numbers, never came. Donie Cassidy explained all in the Seanad on Tuesday.
While he thinks McCain is a most impressive candidate, there are family ties that bind him to the Clintons. Accordingly, he monitored Hillary's progress with great interest as the Super Tuesday results came in.
"I stayed up most of the night because, as members are aware, blood is thicker than water," said the Westmeath senator. "I have an old friendship with the Clintons. They all came from the Cassidys in Fermanagh."
Luckily for Camp Obama, Donie is a man of principle. However much he may be itching to face down the likes of Oprah Winfrey and George Clooney by publicly declaring his support for Hillary, he must remain aloof. And therein lies Barack's salvation.
As Cassidy told the Seanad: "I cannot take sides in my position as Leader of the House but we must keep in touch with the old family tree." The dream is still alive, Obama.
Monday was a typical constituency day for Bertie. His engagements included launching this year's Suzuki Ladies Football League in Croke Park and opening Haworth Ireland's new office furniture showrooms.
"The term office furniture does not really do justice to Haworth's product range, which includes moveable walls, access flooring, modular systems furniture, desking systems, seating, storage, tables, electrical and cabling - and much more besides!" trilled Bertie, Taoiseach, football fan and ergonomics expert. He also attended the signing of linkage agreements between DCU, St Patrick's College, All Hallows College and the Mater Dei institute.
But the main feature of the evening was a reception to honour Seán Brady on his elevation to the College of Cardinals. In a heartfelt speech, Bertie took the opportunity to wallow in a little self-pity by way of celebrating the new cardinal's achievement. The venue - Dublin Castle - gave added poignancy to his comments.
"It is an unfortunate feature of life that those who achieve distinction and honour in their chosen field are often the subject of a degree of begrudgery, in which congratulations are mixed with expressions of surprise, or even quiet emphasis on shortcomings," he said ruefully.
"It is clear that the elevation to the College of Cardinals of Cardinal Seán Brady was a magnificent exception to that rule. His personal qualities, his pastoral concern, his record of engagement with his flock and with all of those coming into contact with him, as well as his quiet but insistent support for peace and reconciliation, have been universally recalled and admired. His appointment has truly been a matter for celebration."
As poor put-upon Bertie must see it, some cardinals have all the luck.
Hot on the heels of "Harneybowl" comes another potentially embarrassing missing-in-action moment for the Government.
This week, opposition deputies made much of the fact that the Minister for Health rounded off a week-long American fact-finding trip with a visit to the Superbowl in Arizona. While grudgingly conceding she needs private time out from her work like everyone else, Fine Gael argued the Minister should not be absent from the Dáil during a sitting week, given the short amount of time the House is in plenary session.
As a result, she was unable, as the accounting Minister, to attend a debate on the provision of cystic fibrosis services in the country. Ms Harney's advisers say the trip was planned months ago and there was little they could do.
The same argument will, most likely, be put forward by the Minister for Education's people next week. Mary Hanafin will miss much of the debate on the provision of educational services for autistic children, as she has to fulfil a long-standing engagement in sunny Palm Springs, Florida.
We understand she will be in the chamber on Tuesday night for the first leg of the debate and jets to Florida first thing on Wednesday morning.
Fine Gael education spokesman Brian Hayes tabled the Private Members' motion on foot of the Ó Cuanacháin High Court decision. complaining that Dáil business is not high on this Government's list of priorities.
Opposition leaders will not be pleased to hear that, while Mary's trip happens smack in the middle of the current Dáil session, it dovetails nicely with the schools' mid-term break. As for leisure time, the Minister and her travelling companions are not fortunate enough to have such a big event as the Superbowl taking place during their sojourn in the sunshine. However, in their spare time, they will be able to enjoy the Frank Sinatra celebrity golf tournament, or the annual "Tour de Palm Springs" bicycle race.
L einster House is like Piccadilly Circus these days, with tour groups of pensioners and schoolchildren and ladies' clubs belting around the corridors of power, taking a good look at where their politicians work.
A group of 19 transition year students from St Joseph's Secondary School in Charlestown, Co Mayo, were giving the place the once over on Tuesday. They were on the third leg of their trip to the capital, and their choice of venues was interesting.
First they went to the Four Courts, then they visited Mountjoy jail, and finally the students pitched up in Leinster House. A seamless itinerary. All that was missing was a trip to see the tribunal in Dublin Castle.
It was organised by their teacher, Geraldine O'Mahony, who is married to John O'Mahony, the former Mayo and Galway GAA team manager turned Fine Gael deputy for Mayo. They visited the courts to see how the law is administered, Mountjoy to see what happens to those who break it and Leinster House to see where it is enacted.
"While they found the courts interesting, the visit to Mountjoy was really hard-hitting" says Geraldine. "They saw the cells, visited the kitchens and recreation centre and spoke to some of the prisoners, who advised them not do anything stupid and end up in prison like them." She added that the students "were furious" at the difference in conditions between the male and female prisons.
As for the Dáil, they were surprised to see so few people in the chamber. And that was during Leaders' Questions - just as well they didn't visit at any other time, when tumbleweed blows through the aisles.
T here were swanky cars galore parked outside the Dundalk Institute of Technology on Thursday for the meeting of the North-South Ministerial Council. And then there was Pat Mustard's famous milk float from the comedy series Father Ted.
As First Minister Paisley and Taoiseach Ahern bustled away from the meeting, they did a double-take when they saw the little vehicle, but hurried on.
Most of the other Ministers did the same, bearing away their bounty of Danucci Irish Chocolates and Tiernan's Family Farm Cheese.
But local Minister and self-confessed "Ted head" Dermot Ahern was on hand to give a supportive push to the milk float as it continued on its 798-mile charity push around Ireland. It will take 40 days and 40 nights to complete the round trip, and a large number corporate sponsors have undertaken to push the float on different days.
But back to Minister Ahern, who posed for photos beside the Craggy Island float with MLA Margaret Richie, Northern Ireland Minister for Social Development. The milk float push is a cross-Border initiative, with funds going to Down Syndrome Ireland and Northern Ireland. Bookies Paddy Power are sponsoring the push, and they gave the Minister a free €1,000 bet on the outcome of today's Ireland v France rugby match.
F inally, a defence of Fine Gael's Olwyn Enright, who incurred the wrath of an Irish Times letter writer this week. Florence Craven from Maynooth was peeved at the sight of Olwyn texting away on her mobile phone while on front bench duty in the chamber.
"It looks very bad - and I have never seen any other TD do this," complained Florence, who saw Ms Enright and her busy thumbs in action during recent transmissions of Oireachtas Report.
"Even children in school are not allowed to use mobile phones during class!" she admonished.
Unfortunately, Florence, we have to tell you that the texting bug has affected almost all TDs, including most Ministers. The good news is that the Taoiseach is setting a good example and is not a noted offender.
Enda Kenny may have to be surgically removed from his Blackberry, while sundry members of the Greens think nothing of coming in with their laptops.