Hooray Ned is back; Beverley still kicking her heels; Cowen's beer; Sargent's cabbage patch
Not everyone in Fianna Fáil happy to see Ned return to the fold
There is more rejoicing in Fianna Fáil over one wayward pig-farmer who repents than 99 good sheep who toe the parliamentary party line.
Hooray! Ned is back.
However, there is only partial rejoicing over Deputy O'Keeffe's return to the fold in Cork East, where relations between Ned and his Fianna Fáil constituency colleague, Michael Ahern, are as reassuringly rancid as ever.
The animosity between Ned and Michael goes back a long way (they had a skirmish outside the Dáil restaurant several months ago and Government chief whip Tom Kitt was called in to adjudicate).
The stand-offs that occur when election canvassers from the rival camps pitch up simultaneously in local hamlets are the stuff of High Noon style legend.
The talk around Leinster House is that O'Keeffe applied to rejoin the parliamentary party because he had been barred from attending cumann meetings following an edict from party headquarters.
He couldn't bear the deprivation and decided to seek readmission and end the ban.
In the final days of his exile, Ned and his councillor son Kevin O'Keeffe turned up, uninvited, at the agm of the Thomas Davis Cumann in Mallow. (Most towns in the constituency have two party branches to accommodate the O'Keeffe and Ahern supporters.)
When he was refused the right to speak, O'Keeffe snr stormed out in high dudgeon, with a livid O'Keeffe jnr hurrying in his wake.
The slight has only served to deepen the rancour between the two deputies.
On Wednesday, while Ned spoke glowingly of his party leader in the wake of his readmission, he was in no humour to make his peace at local level.
He unburdened himself to the Irish Examiner on the matter, in characteristically blunt terms.
"Michael Ahern is involved in a conspiracy. He is trying to topple me and he doesn't want me back in the parliamentary party because I'm too good for him," thundered Ned in De Paper, before dismissing his rival with a withering (if rather insightful) verdict.
"Wishy Washy man!"
Thoughts turn to FF's prodigal daughter
With Ned back in the Fianna Fáil Oireachtas fold, thoughts are turning to Beverley Flynn, who is still kicking up her heels among the Independents.
There was speculation during the week that Bertie would avail of a two for the price of one deal and welcome back the prodigal daughter yet again to the party with Ned O'Keeffe.
But while Ned got the nod, Bev is still out in the cold. "A little bit of a hitch," is what we were told.
Meanwhile, as he did his bit for the pork and bacon industry in the Dáil restaurant on Wednesday, passing diners paused at Ned O'Keeffe's table to wish him well on his return to the party herd.
With the mischievous deputy cornering all the attention, one of his dining companions was forced to loudly declare: "I played a pivotal role in your return."
For it was Senator Mary White, prospective presidential candidate and active bridge builder.
Ned seemed unimpressed, but not half as unconvinced as another senior Fianna Fáil female politician, holding court at a nearby table.
"Delusional!" she snorted. "Loo-lah!"
It's the esprit de corps that makes Fianna Fáil so special.
Cowen's heady brew resurfaces
Today FM is moving from its original home in Abbey Street across the Liffey to Marconi House on Digges Lane.
During a clean-up of the newsroom, staff made a miraculous discovery: three bottles of beer, unopened and four years old. (What sort of a newsroom is it at all? Beer? Unopened?) The bottles, upon closer inspection, appeared to have a cartoon drawing of Minister for Finance Brian Cowen on the label.
They had uncovered a virgin stash of "Brian's Brew," the first beer named after an Irish politician and brewed as a sign of thanks from the Irish Craft Brewers Network for his decision to reduce duty on microbreweries in his December 2004 budget.
"Brian's Brew is brewed using the finest Offaly water. Crisp oats with definitely no sweetness added!" says the accompanying note.
At the time, Biffo expressed the hope that microbreweries would spring up all over Ireland, starting with his beloved Offaly.
"We believe this brew has a bright future" said the people from Biddy Early's Brewery in Clare, who made it at the time.
You can't get the beer for love nor money now, but Brian's future is still brewing up brightly.
Plenty of cheer at Mitchell's FG party
Fine Gael in Dublin South Central held a big hooley on Wednesday night to mark MEP Gay Mitchell's 26 years of Dáil service.
Party leader Enda Kenny was among the 250 guests paying tribute to Gay, who bailed out of Leinster House at the last election to the more comfortable surrounds of the European Parliament.
Former party leader John Bruton came from Washington for the knees-up, while Richie Ryan - the Fine Gael minister for finance in 1970s famously nicknamed Richie Ruin - also joined Gay and wife Norma for the celebrations.
Gay's daughter, also Norma, looking elegant in black, paid tribute to her dad in the course of an entertaining speech, while impressing upon him her urgent need for a car to get to college.
The biggest cheer of the night went to party worker Gerry Woods, who presented Gay with a framed picture of St Agnes's church in Crumlin.
The feisty octogenarian took the opportunity to remind his audience of one of Gay's most memorable moments in the Dáil.
"A certain senior Fianna Fáil politician once called you a waffler," declared Gerry, as he handed over the picture. "Who's the waffler now!" And the roof nearly blew off the Charlemont Street Hilton with the roars of happy Blueshirts.
Sargent still eating his greens
As has been pointed out here before, Trevor Sargent is a vegetable tart.
After brief but passionate flings with sprouts and potatoes, he was recently photographed posing happily with his new love - an enormous leek. It didn't last.
Now Sargent is in love again.
There were the usual warning signs. On St Valentine's Day, he persuaded his boss, Minister for Agriculture Mary Coughlan, to let him do the honours at a big conference on the future of the Irish potato.
Mary's name featured in the advance publicity, but Trevor swung the gig.
Mr Tayto arrived at the conference with a big bouquet of flowers for Coughlan, only to be surprised by Trevor, who immediately accepted them as he can't resist a spud in a jacket and hat.
So the leek thing fizzled out. But the former Green Party leader needs constant excitement to take his mind off the ongoing revelations from the Mahon tribunal and his party's rather embarrassing efforts to ignore them.
No surprise so when news landed during the week: Trevor has taken up with a curly bit of Savoy.
"Savoy cabbage is currently being harvested and is fresh, tasty and healthy right now," burbles the Minister in his latest press release, head over heels after paying a visit to Paul Carroll's farm near Lusk.
"This cabbage, with its characteristic crinkly leaves, is one of the best vegetables currently in the shops. . . A freshly bought cabbage will store in a fridge for up to a week."
Did you know the Romans brought the cabbage to northern Europe? Trevor does.
Intoxicated, he continues: "The French had a way of measuring for a vegetable patch, which was the width of a dozen cabbages.
"This measurement persisted long after the metric system was introduced after the French Revolution."
Vegetable tart Trevor hands over the title of Magill Politician of the Year in April. It'll give him more time to concentrate on his gardening.
Eurosceptic takes baby Blueshirts in hand
We hope the members of Young Fine Gael are enjoying themselves on their trip to London. Their Dublin regional council organised the weekend jaunt, which kicked off yesterday with a trip to Westminster, "thanks to Andrew Rosindell MP".
It is understood the colourful Rosindell, who idolises Margaret Thatcher, was due to stand the lucky young Fine Gaelers their dinner last night.
The baby Blueshirts will have had much to debate with Rosindell, who is a rabid Eurosceptic and opposed to the Lisbon Treaty. "YFG believes strongly in the ideal of the European Union and is a member of the Youth of the European People's Party (YEPP) an organisation of three million members," might have been a good place to begin.
After that, they could have gone on to discuss capital punishment (Rosindell is pro-hanging) and weapons availability (Rosindell is also all for gun ownership).
Besides his anti-Europe views, Rosindell deplores left-wing judges and most asylum seekers, of whom he has said "we need to keep them under lock and key".
He knows how to get publicity, though. He was famous for campaigning with his bull terrier, Spike, who stood by his side during his career in his made-to-measure Union Jack waistcoat.
The MP, in a speech to the Commons, told how Spike's proudest moment came when "he greeted the noble baroness, Lady Thatcher, as she arrived in Romford Market, two days prior to the 2001 election."
Then, as MPs wiped away the tears, he said that Spike saw him elected to parliament, and "having done his duty, he passed away on St George's Day in 2002."
Spike has been replaced by Buster the bull terrier, who also has a Union Jack waistcoat and makes regular announcements from Westminster, via Rosindell's website.
Let us hope the members of Young Fine Gael don't return home to Enda full of right-wing ideas and calling for a No vote.