Bertie's new quarters; Gilmore's birthday mini-bash; Donegal's star attraction; pay talks farewell; getting sniffy with Libertas; Haughey's label
FROM FARMLEIGH to Dublin Castle to the wonderfully restored Government Buildings, taoisigh conduct their business in the nicest of places.
But all good things must come to an end, and for Bertie Ahern, this means moving out of his imposing office on Merrion Street and finding alternative accommodation elsewhere in the Oireachtas complex.
There was a time in his life when Bertie wasn't very good at finding himself somewhere to live. But he was lucky to have good friends, and they fixed him up with Beresford and St Luke's.
He's been equally fortunate now that his term as Taoiseach is over.
In a sidestreet across the road from Leinster House, teams of workmen are currently tearing down walls, ripping out fixtures and displacing the current residents in readiness for Bertie's arrival. Not for him a cramped office in Leinster House with the rest of the lobby fodder.
On May 7th, backbencher Ahern will move to a newly-renovated suite of rooms in Setanta Place off Kildare Street, into a building called "Statoil House". Former Fine Gael taoiseach John Bruton decamped to the same building when he left office. Although, unlike Bertie, John didn't have the run of the ground floor. Deputy Ahern will have a number of rooms at his disposal. Security will have to be beefed up too.
Bertie should be very comfortable in his new lodgings - it shouldn't be a huge upheaval - it's bit like the Queen Mother leaving Buckingham Palace for Clarence House.
Birthday panic brings Gilmore running
On Thursday morning, Eamon Gilmore's colleagues decided to surprise him on his birthday with a big card and a cake.
As soon as the Labour leader left for the Dáil, about 30 staff members and politicians charged up the corridor and piled into his small office.
They readied the cake and then they settled down to watch the Order of Business, which didn't take too long.
Once they saw Eamon leave the chamber, they lit the 52 candles, closed the door and awaited his arrival.
He is a creature of habit, and always heads straight to his fifth floor office after the Order of Business.
They waited, cake ablaze, packed into the room like giddy sardines. And they waited. The temperature rose.
People got restless. "Shhh! Shhh!" Quiet!"
Eventually, the sweating socialists discovered Eamon had decided to go mad on his birthday and bunk off to the bar for a coffee. With the candles burning dangerously low, desperate measures were required.
"A very urgent message" was dispatched to Eamon from a senior party adviser. "Taoiseach-designate Cowen is anxious to talk to you as soon as possible."
Whereupon Gilmore shot like a bullet from the bar, reaching the office in a matter of minutes.
The panting politician opened his door.
"Surprise!"
Bertie the hot ticket in Donegal fundraiser
On April 1st, the day before Bertie Ahern announced he was to step down as Taoiseach, the organisers of a charity ball in Donegal sold their last few tickets.
The Donegal Democrat Gabrielle's Ball has raised significant amounts for local causes over the last three years.
This year's event, which took place last night in Letterkenny's Mount Errigal Hotel, is in aid of the Alan Doherty Fund.
The organisers worked hard over the past few months to move tickets, priced at €65 each.
Taoiseach Bertie Ahern was the main draw.
Donegal Democrat editor, Michael Daly, takes up the story: "On April 2nd, as Bertie was speaking live from Government Buildings, my mobile phone started to ring. It was the same for all the organisers.
"Our phones went into meltdown with people pleading for tickets. We only have capacity for 540, but we could have easily sold 1,500."
There's been talk locally of some guests being offered up to €1,000 for a ticket, as the great and the good of Donegal scrambled for a place at Bertie's last official function in the county.
The local newspaper urged people without a ticket to stay away, amid fears of overcrowding.
Bertie Ahern's role in securing the Good Friday agreement apart, his negotiating skills are celebrated in Donegal for another reason: he is the man who healed the long and bitter rift between the Blaney faction and Fianna Fáil.
Meanwhile, the organisers remind those who couldn't get a ticket that the Alan Doherty fund is still taking contributions. Nineteen-year-old Alan was born without a chin and lower jaw and is undergoing lengthy periods of reconstructive surgery in America.
He flew back to his native Donegal to meet the Taoiseach last night.
The Alan Doherty Fund is in AIB Letterkenny, account number 15038040.
Last hurrah at National Pay Talks
When the National Pay Talks kicked off in Government Buildings on Thursday, there was talk among the parties about how things are different from the last time they all gathered in Room 308, under the watchful eye of Dermot McCarthy, secretary general of the Taoiseach's department.
Bertie Ahern used to welcome the participants at the opening of the talks, and then, famously, he would reappear just in time to cajole the parties over the line.
On this occasion, it was made clear that there would be no politicians to welcome the warring factions or offer words of encouragement before they got down to work.
But as the 4pm meeting was about to begin, Bertie strolled in, shaking hands with the officials and union reps. As silence descended upon the room he quipped: "Good luck, get it finished in 10 days!"
Then he disappeared, without as much as a round of applause.
Perhaps the social partners were saving themselves for Monday evening's two-hour reception in Dublin Castle, which Bertie is hosting for no reason at all.
He's like a first holy communicant doing the rounds, to be held up and admired everywhere he goes.
Another sign of the changing times was the presence of Tom Parlon, former junior minister at the Department of Finance and now director general of the Construction Industry Federation.
As he entered the room, one grizzled union official snorted: "Jaysus! The last time your man was at the talks he was president of the IFA, and he'd just led a herd of sheep down Kildare Street. They destroyed the feckin' place!"
Turning his nose up at the Libertas
Minister for Foreign Affairs Dermot Ahern couldn't escape the Lisbon Treaty during his two-day visit to Kenya this week, when he visited aid camps set up in the aftermath of the recent civil unrest in the country. It was a flying visit by the Minister and his party, who spent just one night in Kenya.
In Nairobi, the small Irish party went for a meal in a downtown restaurant, where Dermot noticed a South African Cabernet Sauvignon on the wine list, glorying in the name "Libertas."
He asked the sommelier about it. "A precocious, oaky-flavoured Cabernet which is somewhat unfulfilling" came the sniffy reply. "We'll stick to the sparkling water," said a delighted Minister.
Living down 'the most cunning' label
"He's the man. He's the best, the most skilful, the most devious and the most cunning." That's what Charlie Haughey said about Bertie Ahern in 1991, and it's the quote - often misquoted - that dogged Ahern for the rest of his political career.
The moment it happened was recalled on Tuesday night in Doheny and Nesbitt's pub, when the outgoing Taoiseach entertained the political hacks to farewell drinks.
Stephen Collins, Sam Smyth and Gerald Barry were reminiscing about the old days. Back in 1991, all three worked for Sunday newspapers. At the time, Bertie Ahern was part of the Albert Reynolds-led Fianna Fáil team renegotiating a programme for government with the PDs.
Matters were not going well. Someone had to rescue the negotiations, and Bertie Ahern stepped in and wrapped up a deal.
The three correspondents were summoned to Government Buildings for a briefing from Bertie. They met in the Sycamore Room. In the middle of the meeting, a jubilant Haughey put his head around the door, motioned proudly towards young Ahern and delivered his famous assessment.
Charlie withdrew and Bertie groaned: "God, that's all I need."
Skip forward 17 years and Bertie is finally standing down after 11 years as Taoiseach and 14 years as Fianna Fáil leader. Despite his initial reaction, Squire Haughey's compliment didn't do him much harm. For old times' sake, Bertie and the Sycamore Three posed together for a photograph.