Unlike publications which feature the real news, the Onion comes up with the headlines first and then comes up with the stories to justify them. The writers have a weekly conference and pitch their ideas. Initial rejection doesn't put a writer off. "Laura Bush Noisily Devours Infant", for instance, was first mooted several months before it was finally used. Here are some of my favourite headlines.
Mother Teresa sent to hell in wacky afterlife mix-up
Clinton deploys vowels to Bosnia: cities of Sjlbvdnzv, Grzny to be first recipients
Alec Baldwin signs two-year deal to care about the environment
300 naked women feared lost in computer crash
The plumbing business is not as glamorous as the porn industry depicts
Cardinals blasted for negative campaign tactics in papal race this featured a picture of Bertie Ahern and Celia Larkin - unnamed, but described as supporters of Archbishop Eugenio Vitti of Genoa
Hellbound Congress approves $540 million for evil
Microsoft patents ones, zeroes