My father is dying, he is in no pain and he will not live to the end of the year. He has borne his illness bravely and has made it very easy on all of us, particularly my mother, by assuring her that he has no fear and at 75, is perfectly prepared to leave. Apart from just one thing.
Last week he has made us all promise him that there will be no funeral. He does not want a ceremony, he wants nothing of what he describes as hypocritical goodbyes and tributes. He says he has left instructions in his will to this effect but he wants us to know his wishes at an early stage and to reassure him that we will carry them out. My mother and two elder sisters are devastated.
He is a man of great integrity and honesty. No tribute to him would be at all empty or hypocritical. This refusal to let his friends and family mourn and honour him when the time comes has shattered our ability to cope.
It is truly not a matter of putting on a big show to make us look important. It's got to do with making sense of his life and letting people say how much he will be missed.
Do we have to honour his dying wishes.
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