Buggah! The sound of history being unstitched. Buggah! The sound of opening paragraphs being unwritten. Buggah! The sound of copy desks being rung. Oi, the big Dutch boy just beat Thorpie. Buggah! Buggah! Buggah!
Pieter van den Hoogenband, a lanky medical student from Maastricht, tampered with history here in Sydney last night. Ian Thorpe, who strode the Olympic world like a colossus for, oh, 48 glorious hours, was dissolved in water in the 200 metres freestyle final.
Journalists went about the press tent retrieving the hyperbole they had scattered about the place all weekend. The sense of deflation outside in Australia was so acute that you could actually hear the air hissing out of the country. This was the race Ian Thorpe couldn't lose. So - size 17 feet and made of clay. Who knew?
This was a disappointment which heartlessly ambushed the host nation. On Sunday the Dutchman had made a little point by beating Thorpe's world record in the semi-finals. Thorpe, professing mild tiredness, had come within 2/100ths of a second of equalling that in the second semi-final minutes later. Australia assumed it would be all right. The kid would carry the burden - after all he'd lowered the world mark four times in the last 12 months.
It wasn't all right. Thorpe swam more slowly last night than he had in the semi-final. The race scintillated nonetheless, with Thorpe trailing slightly for the first 100 metres, pulling level with 50 metres to go and then sliding back to finish .48 of a second behind van den Hoogenbrand.
"I was pretty flat," said Thorpe, handling it all with more cool than his countryfolk. "I gave it my all out there. It was a great race. I was privileged to swim in that race, but I wish I could have swum a bit faster. I got beaten by a great athlete tonight."
Van den Hoogenband, whom the press-tent sages dubbed with sparkling originality "The Flying Dutchman", precisely repeated his 1:45.35 world record time of the day before to win the race.
"It was a hell of a swim," he said afterwards. "I wanted it so badly. I turned my head on the last lap and thought I am winning, I am the Olympic champion: unbelievable." All this loud Eurotrash confidence. We pined for Thorpie's modesty.
Van den Hoogenbrand is the first Dutch male to win an Olympic gold medal for swimming and in doing so he risks unleashing another wave of eccentric fathers on sport. His father, Cees, is the team doctor for the PSV Eindhoven soccer team in Holland and several years ago pere et mere van den Hoogenbrand established a foundation for Dutch swimming in Eindhoven. The foundation espouses the unique and largely undisclosed methods of preparation of coach Jacco Verhaeren.
Mr Verhaeren can expect a queue outside his premises next Monday morning. His other protegee is the controversial Dutch swimmer, Inge de Bruijn, who won gold here on Sunday and who also serves as girlfriend to the guru.
Such cosy tittle-tattle can be of no consolation to a grieving nation this morning however.
The day had started so well. It was revealed (with more respect than Aussies usually accord royalty) that Nicole Kidman and Tom Cruise had been among the first to call Thorpe on his mobile to congratulate him on his weekend exploits. How he can live with himself having let them down yesterday remains to be seen.