PRESENT TENSE:WEDNESDAY NIGHT WAS a long, long night of Champions League football and an even longer night of football coverage, although this applied more to RTÉ than to ITV or Sky Sports.
If the stats had popped up on the screen, in football terms RTÉ would have spent far more time on the pitch than its rivals, because once half-time was done and dusted, the broadcaster didn't go to a single commercial break until well after the last unused substitute had danced around the trophy. Instead, the Irish viewer was treated to analysis before extra time, during its half-time changeover and before the penalty shoot-out. A small screen - with mini-Giles, Dunphy, Brady and O'Herlihy - even slid into view at the appropriate moments.
ITV, on the other hand, gave the viewer ads. Lots and lots of ads. It was only just short of squeezing one in between each of the penalties. And when it had run out of ads, it took a minute to remind viewers of what other sporting action it had in store. Finally, it got to analysing the action, although the important action was flashed through so quickly that its panellists had little time to actually talk about it. Instead, they clung to the platitudes that help them float at such moments.
Irish soccer coverage has become known for dissecting not only the play, but the platitudes too. And then gutting them. We have become so confident of our superiority in the realm of punditry - on RTÉ anyway - that it is not unusual for the Irish pundits to criticise their British counterparts. Dunphy once described a Garth Crooks interview with Sven-Goran Eriksson as "two men having sex on the BBC". And John Giles occasionally tackles Jamie Redknapp, Sky Sports pundit and former Liverpool player, who is seen as the epitome of all that is wrong with British television coverage. A recent player, still friends with many of those on the pitch, with a father who manages of a Premier League team, Redknapp's words carry all the weight of a budgie's feather.
There has been some self-examination among the British media recently, most notably when Ian Wright said that he no longer wanted to be the "comedy jester" of the BBC's coverage. As his son tended to be on the pitch each time he covered England games, his contribution usually involved waving his arms around and exhaling in relief/delight/disappointment. If this was his comedy jester act, it's no wonder royal courts dispensed with them centuries ago.
But RTÉ has its own jester. Eamon Dunphy even turned up in a costume during the 2002 World Cup, when his Cameroon-themed suit - on the morning we were playing them - and open wish that we be beaten drew a record number of complaints to RTÉ. Occasionally, after a particularly technically complex and tight game, one of the panel will tell Bill O'Herlihy that if he wants entertainment he should go to the pictures. They could instead watch the RTÉ coverage, even if it is more like panto than the pictures. Actually, if the dynamic of the panel mirrors anything, it is X-Factor. Dunphy is the Simon Cowell character, a panto villain there to bite and sneer and throw hands or pens in the air. Giles is the steely old industry pro. Brady is, I suppose, Sharon Osbourne: a paternal type, protective of players, many of whom he now must put an arm round on difficult days. And, like X-Factor, the Dunphy/Cowell character engages in public spats with his colleagues for the gaiety of the nation.
But the show's long-running success is due to the pundits knowing when the showmanship must give way. Wednesday was one of those nights, when, as they often do, they judged the mood correctly and recognised that this should be about the football and not about them. If the tone is misjudged, then the theatre takes over.
Today, Munster will take on Toulouse in the Heineken Cup final. Sky Sports will carry the game live and, in contrast to its football programmes, the commentary will be insightful, honest and erudite. Later, RTÉ will broadcast highlights, when we will get coverage that includes Brent Pope and George Hook. But the difference here is that the British rivals (the BBC, Sky) are not so weak. Each prefers analysis over platitude, with honesty alongside the hype. While their programmes often arrive with the sound of bells and whistles, neither lets the showmanship drown out the punditry.
RTÉ's rugby coverage, with its three wise heads and man in the street (in this case the man at the rugby club bar, Tom McGuirk) is an identikit of the soccer coverage. And it includes the jester, in George Hook. Experienced and knowledgable as he is, there is a strong argument that he, in needing to fulfil the caricature he has created - a pumped up alickadoo alluding to the classics - now has to play up to it to keep the public watching. The problem with clown acts is they can sometimes become high-wire acts too.
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