Easter couldn’t come quickly enough in Leinster House, with the politicians not having had a decent rest since the St Patrick’s break two weeks ago.
They ran out of things to do in the Dáil just after lunchtime on Thursday and adjourned until Wednesday afternoon on April 15th. Time for a few holiday gongs, so.
A copy of Steely Dan's Greatest Hits goes to Siptu general secretary for his (Go Back, Jack) Do It Again tribute on Vincent Browne's live television show.
As the broadcaster and panellists looked on with amusement, a spluttering Jack O’Connor didn’t seem to know whether he was making a stand or sitting down during an argument with Browne over the union rights of employees at TV3.
Near the end of Thursday’s live transmission, the agitated union leader removed his microphone and made shapes in the direction of the exit, before letting a technician re-attach it to his tie while he continued to talk and dither over what he was going to do.
Finally, Jack ripped it off a second time and left. He didn’t so much storm as squall off.
He swore it wasn’t a stunt.
Most annoying phrase
Lots of contenders for this one. With the election looming ever nearer, the need to fill airspace with cliches and waffly words becomes more urgent. Thanks to Lucinda Creighton’s new party, politicians of all persuasions are eager to “embrace a new politics” while spouting the same old buzzwords and inspirational soundbites.
“The reality is” we will never be free of whatever reality suits at a particular time.
Then there’s the ultra-authoritative “here it is” or “here’s the thing” thrown down at the start of a statement. Mary Lou McDonald has made this one her own. Here’s what? What thing?
Here’s me using a nifty linguistic device to convey the impression that the opinion/statistic I’m about to use to bolster my side of the argument is an irrefutable fact. When it is not.
But – and let’s be clear here – the most annoying and overused phrase by our media-trained politicians is, clearly: “Let’s be clear here.”
For the sake of clarity, that’s the reality.
Admiral Nelson Naval Artillery Award
Micheál Martin and Fianna Fáil. The party has more loose cannons skidding around on deck than a storm-tossed frigate. Shane Ross’s Independent Alliance may make a showing in this category as the election nears.
The Nelson Muntz Award for Most Nicknames
Outright winner here is Minister for the Environment Alan "Legacy" Kelly. (Only a wet weekend in his job and he was already talking to the Dáil about his political legacy.) Paul Murphy had the chamber in stitches when he compared Labour's ministerial bruiser to Nelson Muntz from The Simpsons.
He got such a good reaction to his quip, McDonald tried to get in on the act a couple of days later, likening the straight-talking Tipperary man to Paulie Walnuts from The Sopranos.
Labour leader Joan Burton swiftly followed up with another Sopranos character, telling Mary Lou that Gerry Adams is Uncle Junior.
Best April Fool’s gag
Mattie McGrath takes the honours for being a good sport while knowing the importance of getting good soft coverage on the local radio station.
He announced he would be presenting a new hardcore rave show on Tipp FM under the name DJ Ice Tay.
"Deputy McGrath who has been a long-standing and avid admirer of all things dance, rave and hip-hop will begin his new show, Friday Floor Fillers, this Friday from 9-11pm," said an accompanying press release.
The name is Bond, Agricultural Bond
So the wait is over.
The movie isn't coming out until the end of the year, but the people behind the latest James Bond feature gave us an exclusive publicity shot. This Bond is dashing but different.
Daniel Craig is wearing well though. Look at him, with his fast motor and slow Martini. And isn't his beautiful "Bond girl" the spit of a young Lorraine Keane who used to be off the AA Roadwatch?
Come to think of it, dishy Daniel is the image of a young, smouldering Simon Coveney.
It has a definite retro feel – we reckon the director was aiming for a 1990s vibe.
The new film, Spectre, will be out in November, possibly like the Government.
The plot revolves around supervillain Deryin Spectre, an evil genius who plans to steal all the single farm payments in Cork and unleash chaos on the world. Only the man from the ministry can stop him.
His name is Bond, Agricultural Bond: licensed to till.
It promises to be a worthy addition to the hugely successful franchise, alongside such classics as Goldfodder and From Brussels with Love.
FF doldrums
Perhaps now is not the best time to be Fianna Fáil leader They say a bad workman blames his tools, but even so, one has to have some sympathy for Micheál Martin. He isn’t exactly blessed with his parliamentary party.
John “hold me coat!” McGuinness exists in a perpetual state of affront while Éamon Ó Cuív says his heart is breaking over Fianna Fáil’s lack of progress in regaining public support.
Then again, Young Dev has been looking into and examining his heart for so long now that it’s no surprise to hear it is beginning to give way.
In the Dáil, it’s a very rare occasion when you might see Micheál’s full parliamentary party muster behind him for Leaders’ Questions. Out of his 18 TDs, it’s a good day if he gets a dozen to turn up.
Contrast this to Sinn Féin, where, unsurprisingly, Gerry Adams never has discipline problems with his 14 deputies. Both parties comprise relatively small Dáil groupings, but where Sinn Féin proudly puffs out its plumage and makes itself look bigger and sound more formidable, Fianna Fáil often appears dull and timid by comparison.
And earnest Micheál.
Never mind. At least there is a new cohort of fresh, dynamic candidates coming along, typified by young Bobby Aylward, Fianna Fáil's candidate in next month's Carlow-Kilkenny byelection.
Bobby lost his seat in the Great Carnage of 2011, but he has been installed as race favourite. If he wins, it will be a belated birthday present for young Bobby, who turned 60 this week.
Then there’s Fianna Fáil’s Seanad selection, which might best be described as “colourful”. No, it’s not the best of times to be a Fianna Fáil leader. All is not lost for the party, though, which has strong roots in Irish society and a ready-made organisation.
For example, while Micheál may have rebuked some of his TDs this week for not pulling their weight, one person in Leinster House who is working his socks off for Fianna Fáil is Dáil usher Dave Byrne.
Dave is passionate about the future of the party and is running for a place on the prestigious Committee of 15, which forms part of the national executive, at the Fianna Fáil ardfheis later this month.
“I was involved with Fianna Fáil in Dublin Central for more than 25 years. After the election defeat of 2011, it would have been easy to walk away, but Fianna Fáil is my passion and I decided I would do everything I could to make sure it had a future,” he says.
He got involved in the new Dublin Fingal constituency where he is campaigning to have Darragh O’Brien elected next time around.
In the meantime, Dave says, knocking on doors in Dublin for O’Brien has really opened his eyes to the problems which continue to exist.
“People in mortgage arrears is a real problem and the Government has not done nearly enough to help them. Fianna Fáil as a party of the people is listening to their concerns and will act when we get into government again.”
