DÁIL SKETCH:Enda returns to earth with a bang as Dáil clangs with accusations of the pot-kettle variety

FIRST FULL week of business in the 31st Dáil and the atmosphere was boiling.

“Somethings stinks here to the highest heaven!” steamed the new leader of the Opposition, going all out to scald the new Taoiseach.

Micheál Martin could spout all he liked, but Enda Kenny had no intention of being branded a kettle by a Fianna Fáil teapot.

Gerry Adams must have felt at home with this sudden collision of cookware in the chamber. The banging of dustbin lids on the Falls was nothing compared to the rattling of pots and pans in Leinster House yesterday.

The long-awaited publication of the Moriarty tribunal report injected unexpected drama to the proceedings and thoroughly spoiled Enda’s return after his Washington tour de force.

Instead of enjoying the chance to regale deputies across the floor with tales of what he said to his pal Barack in the Oval Office, the Taoiseach was brought down to earth by the a 16-year-old scandal. While he has had a charmed start to his tenure, it was always going to be a matter of time before the dirty business of politics would surface to take some of the sheen away. Few thought it would happen so quickly.

But here we were again. Different government, familiar allegations of big business and bungs and ministers behaving badly.

The report concentrates on the circumstances surrounding the award of the second mobile phone licence to businessman Denis O’Brien and it pulls no punches on the role played in it by then Fine Gael minister Michael Lowry.

Lowry, who was dismissed from cabinet during the original controversy, has long since left the ranks of the party. But Fine Gael figures in the report, mainly due to a $50,000 contribution allegedly intended for the party in the event of the licence being granted, which ended up being passed through various accounts.

There was also a smaller sum of £22,500 in donations given by the businessman, who contributed to a number of political parties.

Michael Lowry wasn’t in the Dáil to hear the Opposition go on the attack. But he didn’t really matter. In fact, his name was hardly mentioned. The patchwork alliance across the floor stalked a far bigger quarry – the new Government and in particular Fine Gael.

It was in this context that the Fianna Fáil leader, assisted by his much-reduced parliamentary party, launched into a day-long rendition of I’m a Little Teapot.

Forgetting all that had gone before for Fianna Fáil, Micheál Martin got to his feet and declared the report “a damning indictment” of the then FG government. Some of the ministers who were around then are still around now. They will have to come into the Dáil and answer questions on what happened when the licence was awarded.

Sixteen years ago. And six of them are back in government again. That’s nearly as alarming as the grubby carry-on of Michael Lowry in 1995.

Kenny, Quinn, Bruton, Noonan, Howlin and Pat Rabbitte. Pat is there because he was a junior minister with special permission to sit at cabinet in a high chair.

He’s Minister for Communications now and the whole business has landed in his lap. “The words ‘pot and kettle’ occur,” he mused, looking across at the injured innocents on the Fianna Fáil benches, as Micheál called for apologies and for the then ministers to explain themselves.

Deputies on the government side grinned in disbelief as deputy Martin ascended confidently to the high moral ground. Labour’s Ciarán Lynch was agog. “Micheál Martin,” he snorted, “what planet have you been on for the last 13 years?”

There was much talk of pots calling kettles black.

But Enda Kenny says he is no kettle, no matter what pot Martin might like to claim.

The former minister didn’t believe the Taoiseach when he said he knew nothing about the report until he was told about it on his way into the Cabinet meeting. “You’re saying ‘I know nothing’ to get yourself over today,” said Micheál, indicating how things are done in government.

Sure what if the Taoiseach hadn’t read the full document? “It’s not necessary to read the report,” he declared, to hilarity across the floor. Everyone else knew the summary. “You’ve been well briefed,” he told Enda.

Oh yes, Micheál knows how things work.

Enda said his Government was taking the report very seriously and there will be plenty of time to discuss it. Do it today, invited the Opposition.

Pat Rabbitte hoped the report would put “another nail in the coffin” against the argument that politics should not be funded out of the public purse. But he was careful to say that while Denis O’Brien gave a contribution to Labour, “we sent it back”.

With Fianna Fáil, the main Opposition party, somewhat compromised – Charlie Haughey figures large in the report – it was left to the Independents to make the real running. From Gerry Adams to Joe Higgins to Richard Boyd Barrett, they queued up to demand answers from the new Government.

Joe Higgins is becoming the Caoimhghín Ó Caoláin of this Dáil, never choosing one word when he can employ 10. Richard Boyd Barrett has to comment on everything, with the urgency of a man who breaks through crowds with the cry “Let me through, I’m a socialist!” He’s already irritating Seán Barrett, who is settling into his job in the chair.

As Boyd Barrett of the People Before Profit Alliance – RBBTDPBPA, for short – insists on getting in on every dog fight, Seán’s voice rises and higher and higher until it becomes a falsetto “Would you pleeeease!” Put the kettle on, Micheál. This new Dáil session is going to be a lively one.