The organisers were going to call it the Great Brexit Speak-Off, but they decided on something more original and changed the title to the All-Ireland Civil Dialogue.

Worthy and wordy, with no added unionists.

And for those party leaders worried about having to swap hostility for civility for a whole morning, there was an afternoon sitting of the Dáil to follow.

Hosted by cheeky chappies Charlie Flanagan and Enda Kenny in a splendid location near the Phoenix Park, the participants – or “stakeholders” – enjoyed tea and buns before turning their thoughts to the implications of Brexit on Ireland. There were 300 of them, including politicians, trade unionists, members of employer and business groups and representatives from a large number of public and voluntary bodies.

That was about 200 more than the number of haunted-looking TDs who turned up in Leinster House for a Halloween sitting resurrected from the dead last week by Micheál Martin.

The barely-resuscitated proceedings were predictably lifeless.

Had the Fianna Fáil leader not experienced a sudden rush of blood to the head and demanded a surprise vote on the recess, TDs would now be enjoying a scheduled midterm break.

So, under the circumstances, a two-thirds voting turnout in the chamber yesterday was quite impressive.

Clumsy indignation

Following Martin’s clumsily engineered indignation over a procedural decision agreed by a cross-party committee weeks before (and immediately adopted by rival party leaders), it wouldn’t have looked good if most of his troops were missing. So the order went out and the Fianna Fáil bench was almost at full strength for Leaders’ Questions.

However, as Mattie McGrath, representing the business committee, read out this week’s timetable, it became clear this was not a case of business as usual, despite the big fuss about selflessly working on through. In a normal week, Thursday is set aside for taking votes.

Lo and behold, and to nobody’s surprise, Mattie announced: “All votes to be deferred to Wednesday, November 10.”

If it hadn’t been for Mick Wallace dragging things out by calling for a vote on the order of business, weaker deputies would have been crushed in the rush out the doors.

TDs have to be on the premises in order to vote. With the decision not to hold any vote, there was no incentive, particularly for representatives from rural areas, to hang around. By late afternoon the car parks were looking very bare.

And staffers in Leinster House, who had to change plans to suit a pointless populist whim, clocked off at their usual time, thoroughly fed up.

Wordy worthiness

At least they didn’t have to listen to the Great Brexit Speak-Off, in all its wordy worthiness. “The representatives from the North are delighted to be able to talk about what it means to them. Nobody is listening to them up there,” a Government official confided. “It’s great for them to have people listening to their views and concerns.”

That’s nice.

After buns, the representatives spoke for a couple of hours about their interests in a cross-Border, inclusive way, then broke for coffee.

They spoke for another couple of hours, then broke for lunch.

Tom Arnold, the man who chaired the constitutional convention a couple of years ago, was in charge of the Speak-Off. Tom is director general of the International Institute of European Affairs and is not the Tom Arnold who used to be married to comedian Roseanne Barr, but he is to talking shops what Billy Crystal and Ellen DeGeneres are to the Oscars.

We tuned in to watch the “live feed” but it was hugely disappointing. All we saw was people talking. If it hadn’t been for the lunchtime news we wouldn’t have seen the morning tea session.

The live broadcast was cut at a crucial moment, as Tom was outlining some important information. “Lunch is downstairs in the vaults,” he told the 300, but the screen went blank before he explained the exact location of the “two serving stations”.

With the Dáil cranking up, we didn’t return to the civil dialogue until after tea. But the Great Brexit Speak-Off had finished for the Dáil. The Government website tantalising us with two captions announcing what had already taken place.

“Great Hall Live Feed” and “Chapel Live Feed”.

Maybe they got in some keepers from the zoo with pieces of fruit, buckets of sprats and hard or soft eggsits. We’ll never know, although the floor in the great hall must have been in a terrible state.

Royal Hospital

The unionists missed out on all this by not attending. Even the lure of a premises called “the Royal Hospital” and the presence of a gallery of oil paintings of ancient British monarchs couldn’t get them to attend. Perhaps had they been told King Billy was there in all his pomp them might have relented.

Anyway, the Taoiseach committed himself to an “ongoing civil dialogue”. It was all very polite.

Gerry Adams said we must seek special “designated status” for the North. Like Parmesan cheese or the Waterford blaa.

The Greens’ Eamon Ryan got emotional (does that make him the thinking southside woman’s Mick Wallace?) about Brexit. “It’s like a political divorce. Feels like divorce must feel. That’s how I feel, if I’m honest.”

The speakers applauded each other after every contribution. Tom Arnold, who is reasonable for a living, helpfully summed up the first session by remarking he felt the speeches adopted “the right tone”.

Enda was delighted with the chance to hear about “challenges and opportunities”.

Tom had the whole affair sussed. “There is a sense we need to move forward in a positive way.”

Finian McGrath broke his glasses on his way to the podium. He reappeared in the Dáil wearing a bright red pair, hiding them in an inside pocket and whipping them out only when it was absolutely necessary.

And everybody asked about what is going to happen tomorrow with the gardaí. It’s going to be like Good Friday in the off-licences today as citizens queue to get their money out before the Army arrives tomorrow to protect the ATMs.

And what about contingency plans, they repeatedly asked Enda.

We can assure everyone that there is no need to panic. In the event of junior Minister for Europe Dara Murphy’s car breaking down on the Mitchelstown bypass, there will be a Garda vehicle available to take him on to Dublin.