Psychologist stresses the value of listening in tackling despair

A leading psychologist has emphasised the "essential role" of listeners in tackling despair and suicide in Irish society.

A leading psychologist has emphasised the "essential role" of listeners in tackling despair and suicide in Irish society.

Dr Tony Humphries told the annual conference of the Samaritans at the weekend their round-the-clock non-judgmental service was vital.

"People will solve their own problems if we listen to them. There are too many people who talk and not enough people who listen," he told more than 330 Samaritan volunteers in Waterford.

Dr Humphries, who has written seven books on relationships, said isolation was one of the most common feelings expressed by callers to the Samaritans service.

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He challenged the idea that it resulted from the breakdown of the traditional family unit or changes in communities, however, and said it came from peoples individual fears of rejection, failure and change and their inability to cope in all areas of their life.

Delegates heard Dr Humphries explain his view that while physical hurt was now largely shunned by Irish society, the emotional health of people was constantly under threat from emotional hurt inflicted by others.

He outlined what he called "defences against hurt", including avoidance, aggression, perfectionism, shyness and even illness, deployed by individuals to prevent others hurting them - in the process isolating themselves from others.

This was learned behaviour and jumped between generations via "emotional baggage" passed on from parents to their children.

He said it was the responsibility of society at large to ease individual fears and end the resulting isolation.

The conference was also addressed by the governor of Mountjoy Prison, Mr John Lonergan, who spoke of the growing isolation of marginalised people in the modern Celtic Tiger society.

He said earning power and lifestyles had replaced relationships and people in society's priorities and some individuals were so protective of their time that they actively shunned contact and communication with others.

In such a society, those already on the margins - such as prisoners - were pushed further away.

Mr Lonergan praised the Samaritans for their open-door policy towards all.

In another address, RTÉ broadcaster and writer Paddy O'Gorman told of his experiences with two people who revealed their suicidal thoughts to him during research for his latest radio programme.

He told how he tried to assist those he came across in distress.

"They're the kind of stories I come across and I'm able to say - can you ring the Samaritans or try to ring the Samaritans?"