There were those who chuckled in a frankly immature, juvenile and puerile way when it was announced last year that Pele had been appointed a spokesman for Viagra. Cue a string of jokes which even Benny Hill, if he was still of this earth, might well have rejected as too tacky. Mary Hannigan reports.
The smile, though, was wiped off this face yesterday when presented with the task of speaking to the greatest footballer in the history of planet earth about: "erectile dysfunction". Like you do.
Pfizer, the company which manufactures Viagra, kindly set up the telephone interviews with Pele, who was sitting in Madrid with a doctor by his side. To be blunt, queries about erectile dysfunctions weren't top of the list of questions that some of us had dreamt of asking Pele if we were ever lucky enough to speak to him.
Some devious thought was given to avoiding the issue altogether during the chat and concentrating on footballing matters. Until. The PR company rang. "He is bound by contract to not just talk about soccer." You mean . . .? "Yes." Terrific.
So, in an in-depth, wide-ranging interview lasting 4½ minutes, Edson Arantes do Nascimento spoke about Roy Keane and erectile dysfunctions - separate subjects, one should add, although Mick McCarthy might beg to differ.
He could have said - and Pfizer might have welcomed the promotional analogy - that, like erectile dysfunctions, Roy Keane need not be a lost cause, that where there's life there's hope. The Football Association of Ireland could, if it was bold enough, take the role of Viagra in this dispute, resurrecting an unfeeling relationship that is threatening to lay dormant forever more, to the detriment of Irish football and its supporters.
He didn't, though.
Hello Pele? "Hello." A pleasure to talk to you. "And you too, of course." After the time delay, and an assortment of telecommunication difficulties, that was 34 per cent of the allotted interview time gone.
Can I ask you first - because Pfizer has told me I should - if, you know, you being a hero for so many men, of so many generations, if, like, you think, you know, you are a powerful representative for, em, this product and, well, you know, men who suffer from this difficulty who, you know yourself, might be too embarrassed to, well, talk about it."
"Pardon?" says Pele.
Thanks, that's all I wanted. Moving along. Roy Keane? If Ronaldo fell out with the Brazilian coach, who should be shown the door, Ronaldo or the Brazilian coach?
"Well," said Pele, "I don't know exactly what is happening here. But Roy Ken is one of the great players, a fantastic player, I know him from Man Chis Knighted, so . . ." So?
"One question left, could you ask him about the product please?" asks the Pfizer voice. But I've already asked about the product. "Again, thanks." Pele? Viagra?
"I am very comfortable being a spokesman for Viagra because, fortunately, I do not have the problem. Forty million men in the world have the problem, but I don't. Yes, fortunately, I do not have the problem, but 40 million men do. But I don't."
"Thank you, your time is up," says the Pfizer voice.
As one feared, the story didn't stand up, fell flat, had no life in it and . . . stop. Bye Pele. "Bye."
"So, you spoke to the great Pele?" Did indeed. "About what?" Is that the time? Gotta go.