SUPPOSE they gave a concert and nobody came? Even worse, suppose they went to all the trouble of building a giant lemon, a colossal golden arch and an enormous video screen, and still nobody came? That would indeed be a disaster of PopMart proportions, a worst case scenario to beat the band.
It's not that bad for U2, of course, even though recent reports of poor ticket sales in the US might have given the impression that U2 are regularly playing to six hippies and a dog. The truth, however, is no less catastrophic in some observers' eyes U2 have not managed to sell out many of their concerts, and this is seen as abject. grovelling failure.
Last week U2's American publicist, Paul Wasserman, admitted that 20 per cent of the American dates were "less than overwhelming". The band's May 1st show in Denver's 60,000-capacity Mile High Stadium attracted "only" 27,000 fans, just over half the number who went to see U2 in the same venue during their ZooTV tour. The San Diego date was either "half empty" or "half full" depending on which side of the ticket fence you where standing.
The "bad ticket sales" story has the media rubbing its hands in glee, and it's also got the U2 camp wringing its hands in anger. Speaking to USA Today this week, Michael Cohl of TNA, the tour's worldwide promoter, rejected the stories as "balderdash" and on the Gerry Ryan radio show last Tuesday, the tour's European co-ordinator, John Giddings, defended U2 against what he saw as "ritual crucifixion" by the Irish media.
Mr Giddings told The Irish Times that U2 had added extra dates in Tel Aviv, Thessalonika, Italy and Poland, and he predicted that PopMart's two millionth customer would walk through the door at the band's Rotterdam date on July 18th.
"I find it strange, all the negativity about the tour," said Arthur Fogel, the president of TNA, speaking from Winnipeg, Canada, where, he says, U2 are playing a sold-out show. "The music industry has become very negative, particularly in the US. Everybody is looking for falls and failures. I think in this situation the story started about a couple of shows that didn't sell out, and then it kind of swelled up into a big story. It's unfair and unwarranted - we had a handful of dates which didn't reach expectations, and suddenly the whole tour is supposed to be doing badly. It's like Chinese whispers - the rumour goes round and by the time it gets to you it's completely out to lunch. I think ultimately the tour will transcend it, but it does weigh on people's minds. I can't really speak on U2's behalf, but in a general sense everybody's aware of it."
Does Fogel, whose management team have promoted some of the world's biggest rock tours, think that U2 might just be getting a little too old and tired? "Of all acts that are capable of playing at that level, U2 are the newest. The Rolling Stones, Pink Floyd and The Grateful Dead have been doing it for a lot longer," said Fogel.
COULD it be, then, that younger audiences are losing interest in big stadium rock, and are looking for something else to excite them - big stadium dance acts such as The Prodigy, perhaps? Fogel disagrees.
"In the last ten years there haven't been any acts that have developed into playing on the same level as U2. I would like nothing better than to see new acts develop to that level. But I'm not sure if the dance genre will deliver that kind of thing to the world. You need a wide demographic to attract an audience of 40,000 people. It can't be one age bracket, it has to sell across the board. Pop bands are definitely in flavour right now, but is that where its going to come from, I don't know. It's an interesting time in music."
In New York earlier this month, U2 played three sold-out shows in Giants Stadium - well, two sold-out shows, actually, and a third one with an attendance of 17,000. Among the celebrity punters who nipped across the Atlantic for a bit of PopMart shopping were Michael Colgan, Gerry and Morah Ryan, Paul McGrath, Andy Townsend, Gavin O'Reilly and Alison Doody and Neil Jordan.
"I thought it was great," said Neil Jordan. "It was a wonderful show and it lived up to its hype. I don't usually go to these things, and I'm not sure if this whole stadium rock thing is valid anymore, but as an experience it was over-whelming."
Gerry Ryan thought that U2 had finally managed to come to grips with the daunting scale of PopMart.
"The video images tied in much better with the music, and there seemed to be a narrative thread running through the show," he said. "Bono was moving around more, making big gestures, really in control of the stage."
Did he see any rows of empty seats in the stadium?
"It was packed the night I was there. I think that bad ticket sales story has been arrived at by not looking at the full picture. You must remember that nobody, absolutely nobody is doing this kind of business. So what do you compare it to?"
The Gate Theatre's Michael Colgan was also a bit stuck for a comparison. "Everybody knows I'm a friend of Paul McGuinness, so I'm probably biased, but I think the show is sensational. It's the best rock show I've ever seen, and the only thing which might compare is Zoo TV. Nothing prepared me for what I saw at Giants Stadium. It left you breathless. When the screen came on, you could hear this whoosh of 45,000 people saying `wow'. It looked magnificent - the lasers, the lemon, the screen, and Bono managing to make himself five times his own size. Best night I had in a long, long time. I don't know about anybody else who can do this - most people when they come out do nostalgia things, but the PopMart shows are constantly expanding the barriers.
"I think the criticism is unfair. They write about a 50,000-seater in Idaho which doesn't sell out, but what about the extra dates which have been added on in bigger places like Los Angeles in San Francisco? No-one's written about those. And tell me the band that has Oasis playing support - and are glad to be doing it."
The media bonfire of the vanities was further fuelled by the announcement last week that U2's proposed concert in the Phoenix Park on August 30th would not now go ahead. "Financial implications" forced the promoters to abandon the event just days before its planning application was due to be debated by Dublin City Councillors. The reason given was not a fear that less than 100,000 Irish fans would pay a reasonable £25 a ticket, it was the lack of infrastructure - not even running water - on which to build the world's biggest rock show. In order to stage PopMart in the Park and keep to stringent requirements for safety, sanitation, environment and basic facilities, the promoters would have to practically build a mini-city in the Park, and when the figures were sent back to the band's worldwide promoter, the reply was a swift "call it off".
"It was U2's desire to do Phoenix Park," said one source. A lot of people supported their desire to do it, including the Department of Arts, Culture and the Gaeltacht, Dublin Corporation and the County Council. They knew there were problems and that the problems were significant. The idea was to celebrate U2's success with a different kind of event. This was to be the highlight of the world tour - if it was a stadium it would be just another concert date. But U2's worldwide tour is run by one promoter. They must have looked at it and said, this is silly, we won't make money."
Coming in the wake of negative press from the North American tour, the Phoenix Park debacle was a huge public relations blow for the band back home, and it drew fire from all corners of the country. Some said that it should have been a free concert - it was the least U2 could do for their Irish fans who helped put them at the top. Others felt that if the Pope could play Phoenix Park, then why couldn't U2? After all, His Holiness didn't need any running water, so why should Bono? Another source was crystal clear in his assessment of the situation: "Somewhere along the line," he said, "U2 have lost their bottle."
U2's Irish publicist, Lindsey Holmes, believes that U2 were right to pull the plug on Phoenix Park, and rejected the notion that the band should play a free gig for their Irish fans.
"Why should U2 do it for nothing? This is their job. If your boss promotes you, would you go in the next day and work for nothing?"
AS we go to press, the alternative venue for U2's Dublin visit has not yet been finalised, but the ticket prices will be in line with the average price of $52 in the US (about £35). You can bank on either the RDS or Lansdowne Road, and it's safe to assume the band will add a second concert - date provided that their Irish fans haven't deserted them. There are quite a few angry young pop kids out there who don't understand why U2 didn't move heaven and earth to play a concert in the Phoenix Park. If they don't find what they're looking for, they may look elsewhere for their pop thrills. Radiohead, who play the RDS next Saturday, are snapping at U2's heels, and their new album, OK Computer, could give POP a run for its money. The Prodigy are poised to crack America with their new album, The Fat Of The Land, and their explosive live show has all the potential to develop into a techno-juggernaut that could dwarf PopMart. And then of course there's The Spice Girls - the ultimate pop marketeers' dream come true.
Can it be long before they star in their own bouncy, globetrotting Girl Power extravaganza? McPhisto couldn't possibly compete with that.
Paul McGuinness, in Winnipeg with U2, is anxious to put the whole ticket sales matter to rests and get on with enjoying the PopMart show, which he says is definitely coming to Dublin and is definitely going to knock our socks off.
"It seems completely ridiculous to us that we've just sold two million tickets and five million albums, and that's seen as a flop," says McGuinness. "This is the best show I've ever seen. It certainly contains elements of grand madness, but I also think it's a bit of fun - a large bit of fun. It has surpassed all our expectations - the screen in particular has performed extremely well, and it's really great to see the work of all the artists - Keith Haring and Roy Lichtenstein - not to mention a 70-foot high Bono. It's a two-hour show and it's getting better with each date. Things that work are improved upon and things that don't work are getting dropped."
Are the band aware of the "had ticket sales" hype?
"They're obviously aware, but they know the facts. This story is not even news. The only reason the story is still going is that you're still writing about it. We just got out of New York which is one of the big psychological humps of the tour, and it was fantastic. We did four shows in the New York area and one in Philadelphia, so we had two weeks there to unpack and do laundry. Unfortunately, there are lots of distractions in New York, so it's nice to be in Winnipeg where we don't know anybody. We're playing to 45,000 people tonight in a place we've never been, and then we do two shows in Edmonton in front of 50,000 people each night. That's 100,000 people in Edmonton who want to see U2.
"We've done 20 shows so far, and we've still got 80 to go, so we're just getting into our stride."
