A couple celebrated their vows in the violent tradition of the Jerry Springer TV talk show in Kilkenny in December 1997. They had booked the hotel and were beautifully dressed.
In "the ultimate wedding from hell . . . the bride was slapped by both the groom and her new father-in-law amid absolute mayhem", said the Kilkenny People. Seven people, including the matron of honour (who said it was "a f. . .k up of a day") and the father of the groom appeared on criminal charges in Kilkenny Court on Tuesday.
The bride's wedding dress was covered in blood and torn to pieces when gardai arrived at the wedding feast, where sexual acts were allegedly conducted in the toilets.
When gardai arrived at 2.45 a.m., they heard shouting and screaming coming from the function room. A window shattered as gardai entered the building. A boy of around 14, a brother of the groom, was crying outside.
"As we entered I met several people leaving who were visibly shaken. Many had cuts and were bleeding," said a garda.
The then-hotel manager testified that the wedding was "a complete success" until things deteriorated very fast. When he looked into the ballroom, around 12 or 14 people were either fighting or throwing things. It emerged the drink had been brought in, in handbags and jackets, so it was impossible to say how much had been consumed. The case was adjourned for mention tomorrow. "It's a poor country that can't fund the odd circus," commented the Connacht Tribune, in a tongue-in-cheek editorial entitled "Will we f. . .!". This obscene utterance, allegedly made in the back of a Merc in answer to Mr James Gogarty's question, "Will we get a receipt for this money?", was in the tradition of memorable one-liners such as "Thanks a lot, big fellow".
It kind of makes you sorry we have no Dion Boucicault to send the whole thing up. Instead, we have the Flood tribunal, which is part of "a marvellous industry set up for the production of utterly memorable quotes . . . one-liners that will live for a very long time in the memory of the ordinary Joe and Jane Public.
"There is a problem that some of the lines have cost a few millions to bring into the domain of the public . . . But sure, in the land of the Celtic Tiger, we deserve at least bread and circuses, even if the quotes of recent years have shown that in that `greatest show on earth' there may be some of us unwittingly playing the role of the clowns," said the Tribune.
"Two fingers to the people" was how the Cork-man/Kerry-man described "the extraordinary performance of the European Union Employment and Social Affairs Commissioner, Padraig Flynn", which made for "absolutely riveting television".
"Flynn's Folly" was how the Sligo Champion described the Commissioner's TV performance, which had irked a Sligo-man, Mr Tom Gilmartin, into considering a change of heart and testifying at the Flood tribunal.
"Developer claims his evidence could bring down Government," said the Sligo Champion's front page.
Sophie Rhys-Jones, the PR-employed fiancee of the UK's Prince Edward, has public life and newspapers deep in her genes, thanks to her lineage in Co Mayo. Her strong Mayo connections, said the Connaught Telegraph, have made Sophie of more than passing interest to the people of Rossport in Erris and Newport, where her ancestral home, Rossport House, lies in ruins.
Among the family tree is a distant cousin, John Bournes, a printer associated with the Ballina Herald in the 19th century. Sophie's great-grandfather was George Smith Bournes, who was cleric of the Union of Belmullet in 1853, chairman of the Fishery Conservators, Bangor District in 1858 and a trustee, in 1859, of the local Methodist Church.
By 1881 he had moved to England with his family and was a partner in the firm of Dolton, Bournes and Dolton, London, timber importers.
The Ballymena Guardian had other things on its mind, stating that councillors have said yes to all-night drinking next New Year's Eve. Declaring himself a socialist, Ballymena's Mayor, James Currie, said he felt that the liquor laws in Northern Ireland were so intricate that one law applied to ordinary Joe Public and another to privileged members of clubs and societies.
"Once in 1,000 years they should try and give everyone an equal footing so that there is no particular privilege for any group or society on millennium night," he declared.