Present Tense Shane HegartyTuesday was - as if you could have failed to notice - international Talk Like A Pirate Day. It was a day in which you were expected to answer all questions with an "Arrr!"; to call your wife "wench"; and to refer to colleagues as "me hearties" As in: "I'm afraid to inform you that we will have to make 50 of the staff redundant. Me hearties."
The day received worldwide coverage. Something that started out as a small joke between tennis partners in 1995 has become a global phenomenon. Of sorts. It wouldn't yet have been wise to start that big interview with a hale "Avast, my beauties. Prepare to be boarded . . . by impressive payment and account analysis solutions!"
But that day can't be far away, judging by the pirate-related e-mails doing the rounds and the radio presenters giving the day a good blast. On Tuesday I heard a DJ ask "why are they called pirates?" Interesting question, I thought: it comes from the latin word peirato, as first used by the Roman historian Polybius
"Because they Arrr," interjected the DJ.
That too.
There is something else afoot, though. Pirates are big dubloons at the moment. There has been a significant upsurge in the amount of pirate books dropping anchor. Almost all, of course, are for kids. But put them alongside the BBC's recent dramatisation of Blackbeard's life and a new album called Rogue's Gallery: Pirate Ballads, Sea Songs and Chanteys (featuring, among others, Nick Cave and Bryan Ferry), and it looks as if pirates are making a comeback after years drifting on the high seas.
Perhaps it's down to the popularity of the Pirates of the Caribbean movies - the second of which recently landed a box office bounty. (I apologise for continuing the laboured pirate puns, but all journalists know that you can't make an omelette without cracking half a dozen egg puns.)
Or maybe it has something to do with the fact that pirates were responsible for adventurous, swash-buckling horribleness of the kind that every child loves. Only last weekend, The Irish Times interviewed the author of a book about the Barbary pirates who landed at Baltimore in 1631 and kidnapped most of the town. What a terrible occurrence! And there isn't a nine-year-old child around who wouldn't want that to happen to their town.
Ironically, it's a little more sobering to realise that acts of piracy on the world's seas are on the up. And these guys don't have eye patches and parrots on the shoulders, but wield Kalashnikovs and grenades as they set upon ships of the African and Asian coasts. Cruise ships are increasingly targets. And something tells me that if it happened to your ship, the first words out of your mouth wouldn't be "Hey pirates! My kids would get a real kick out of you!"
Talk Like A Pirate Day also reflects another modern trend towards having a day dedicated to pretty much everything. I'm not referring to the worthy, well-meaning days dedicated to medical complaints or global crises. Or to United Nations sponsored events such as the International Year of the Desertification/ Older Persons/ People with No Other Year Dedicated To Them.
This is more to do with the fact that Monday is One Hit Wonder Day and Thursday is Strawberry Cream Pie Day. Granted, these are ideas cooked up and celebrated in the US, but given the creeping popularity of the pirate day, and how the previous week's Chocolate Milkshake Day also received national radio coverage in Ireland, we too stand at the edge of a "dedicated day" free for all.
Just look at how the American calendar is now crammed with such events, jostling for attention. Many of them smack of having commercial impetus. January is Prune Breakfast Month. Oddly, it is also Oatmeal Month. Bean Day is also in January. They haven't named it as such, but I think it's safe to say that January is International Month of Things That Keep You Regular.
A few more dates for your diary: July 6th is National Fried Chicken Day, even if we have always been led to believe, every day is Fried Chicken day in America. National Hamburger Month is in March, but for those who can't wait a whole year to tuck in again, National Hamburger Day is in November.
February 11th is Don't Cry Over Spilled Milk Day. In August there is a Sneak Some Zucchini on Your Neighbour's Porch Night. By now you'll be spotting a strong food-related theme. There is a Mouldy Cheese Day, Garlic Day and National Bittersweet Chocolate with Almonds Day. Given all of this it seems somewhat amiss that there is no Heartburn Day or International Go Up A Notch On Your Belt Month.
But it is the more abstract of the days that appeal (and I promise that the following days really do exist). Earlier in the month, America celebrated - if that's the word - Nose Hair Maintenance Day. It gave people a chance to recover from the hangovers suffered two days previously on Back Hair Appreciation Day.
And next Saturday is Ask A Stupid Question Day which, given the absence of an International Day of the Journalist, will be the next best thing.