There is a downside to doing your Christmas shopping in the middle of the night. You wouldn't think it possible but Paul McCartney's Simply Having a Wonderful Christmas Time really does sound even worse in a supermarket at 4 a.m.
But it was a price many were willing to pay at Dunnes Stores in Cornelscourt, Co Dublin, in the early hours yesterday, and the upside was considerable. Turning into the car-park, I had to slow down for a fox that sneaked across the road - "ever hear of an indicator, pal?" I shouted - but traffic was otherwise light and the wind rattling the shopping trolleys emphasised the prairie-like emptiness of the place.
Inside, it could have been the middle of the afternoon. There were no queues but there was a steady stream of customers: like Keith Doyle (a DJ on his way home to Redcross, Co Wicklow); and Ken and Michelle Scott from Raheny ("The kids are at home asleep and apart from the getting up, it's stress-free shopping"); and a pair of pub-workers who had made the one-hour journey from Tinahely, Co Wicklow, and were getting all their presents in the clothes department.
The Celtic Tiger was prowling the aisles too, in the form of Conor Cleary, managing director of a hygiene products company, and his wife Caroline. "It's all about flexibility," he said. "My vans will be leaving Sandyford at 5 a.m. to deliver to Arnotts and other places. They'll be out of town by nine. You have to do that or you're gone."
Jennifer Garton, a grandmother from Ballybrack, was even more nonchalant. Arriving in the clothes department at 4.15 a.m., she dismissed a question about the sanity of people shopping at this hour: "I'd be up soon, anyway," she said.
The woman on the public address confirmed the eerie sense of normality with a series of chirpy announcements, including repeated apologies for "any inconvenience caused" because the restaurant was closed between 4 and 5 a.m. (You have to wonder where Ireland is going when closing a cafe at four in the morning is an inconvenience).
There was also an inordinate number of announcements for store security but some of these might have related to the guy with the pen and notebook who was going around worrying customers.
And stealing their trolleys. I started pushing the wrong one - a mistake which went unnoticed until, near the check-outs, I realised there were separate shampoo and conditioner in mine, and I never take two bottles into the shower. Retracing my steps, I found the original and made a furtive switch while no one was looking.
And this is the other big drawback of the middle-of-the-night experience. If you're normally asleep at these hours, you're not fully in control, with potentially disastrous effects. There were a lot of sleepy couples in the supermarket and it's a fair bet some of them went home with the wrong partner.
That's a risk you take for stress-free shopping and there is no soft option. The supermarket was "bedlam" well after midnight, according to the P.A. woman, who said staff had to deal with "40 abandoned trolleys" after people got tired queueing and went home. "We had queues the length of the aisle until 2 a.m.," she said.
