Kate* is a single parent living in Dublin. She had a son at a young age. Her mother died suddenly when her son was four. She says she was “lost”. Then she met a man.
He came into my life at a time where I really needed somebody or something. He offered me all the things I thought I needed. He immediately put me on this pedestal, which was lovely. I was so lonely with just myself and my son.
He wasn’t violent at that stage, but he would throw things at me. He would block me from going into the door. He would stand over me. He would corner me and intimidate me, but he hadn’t physically hit me, so in my head it was okay. But he was really controlling – I wasn’t allowed to see friends. I became isolated.
When we got married, he moved into my house and he rented out his house so he was using the rental income he had for that to pay his mortgage, but he wasn’t paying a penny towards my mortgage or bills, so I couldn’t afford to go out.
When I got pregnant things changed drastically. We went out to dinner and when we got back he said people were laughing at me. I went to bed. He followed me up. He started really badly assaulting me, punching me, banging my head against the wall. I had hand prints on my chest from where he pinned me down on the bed.
The next morning I was terrified because I thought, ‘I can’t stay with him, yet I can’t be on my own with a brand new baby’. I just felt so trapped. The next morning he acted as if he didn’t remember what had happened. I showed him all the bruises and he said, ‘well what did you say to wind me up that much? ’
After the baby was born, I was doing and paying for everything. When the buggy broke he didn’t get it fixed. I was actually physically trapped in the house. I had no way out of that house . . . literally.
Kate’s husband then beat her son
It was the most awful thing, but it was the shock I needed. I split up with my husband. That was the final straw and there was no turning back. Kate has not had contact with her ex for six years I was shocked that there were people out there to support and help and build you up again.
*Kate’s name has been changed
In conversation with Anthea McTeirnan
