Donal Walsh, who lost his four-year struggle with cancer earlier this month, became an inspiration for many in his attitude towards his illness and desire to help others. He raised more than €50,000 for Our Lady's Hospital for Sick Children in Dublin and spoke out strongly against its under-funding.
In recent months he also tackled the problem of youth suicide in Ireland. Donal wrote a letter describing his perspective on the issue and appeared on television and radio to spread his message. He subsequently recorded a video for the National Office for Suicide Prevention that will be used to educate schoolchildren about suicide. Clearly, he inspired many and has created great meaning and value out of a terrible personal tragedy.
In continuing this important conversation, I want to share my personal experience with suicidal ideation and question the belief that those for whom suicide becomes a live option simply lack perspective and a sense of gratitude. I also want to suggest that journalists have a responsibility in these situations to consider the impact their reporting may have and to research their positions carefully before making prescriptions. I can speak only from my own experience, but I know there will be many others who identify with it.
In Donal’s original letter, which he did not intend to be published, he expressed anger at those young people who take their own lives. From his point of view, as someone given no choice in his own “death sentence”, he found it incomprehensible that others would freely choose to end their lives. He appealed to the rationality of those contemplating suicide, emphasising the costs not only to themselves but also to their families in leaving “a mess that no one can clean up” and arguing that there is always a solution to be found – that no problem is so terrible that death is the only answer.
His father attests to the impact of his message, having “received letters and messages from people all over the world who have been inspired by what Donal had to say and have been able to resolve their problems”.
Feelings of failure
This is an incredible achievement. It might not, however, be the right message for everyone facing thoughts of suicide. I worry that, for some people, the unquestioning media repetition of this perspective may do more harm than good. For some people the issue is deeply medical – one which cannot be ameliorated by attempts at positive thinking – and demands for such may increase already crippling feelings of guilt and failure.
I can say with authority that my depression has nothing to do with any external problems in my life. I have been incredibly lucky in the hand I’ve been dealt. Unfortunately, my depression can make it seem like I don’t appreciate my lot. It periodically sucks the happiness, contentment and ambition out of my life and, yes, sometimes it means my brain (seemingly independently of me) turns to thoughts of suicide.
It’s not like I forget in these times how lucky I am, it’s just that the chemicals in my brain that usually make these thoughts meaningful have dried up for a while. This “drying up” will happen without bidding while I’m going about my daily life and can last for a few days before lifting just as suddenly without me doing or thinking anything in particular to get the juices flowing again.
Sometimes I will try to rationalise the cloud that drops down on me. I’ll look for a pattern so that I might identify triggers or an ultimate cause. But this is a rational response to an irrational disease. There is no trigger that makes pleasurable activities like eating, reading a book, or socialising with family and friends suddenly psychologically painful. And when my brain comes back to rights, existence again shimmers with the meanings and possibilities I give it.
I’m incredibly lucky that what I have to contend with is mild. I have only the tiniest insight into the suffering of those whose clouds stay for weeks or months at a time, or who have to struggle with the illness while also dealing with less than ideal life circumstances. What I do know is that, if it’s difficult for me at times to say no to the desperate pull of suicide, these people’s strength is formidable.
And when sometimes the struggle becomes too much, it's not right to suggest that they failed or that they didn't try hard enough. Dan Neville of the Irish Association for Suicidology last year stressed that there "is nothing shameful about someone who dies of suicide. They have fought the valiant battle and they have lost the battle to their illness."
Robbed of your future
When you're not in that state of mind – when you can see all the wonderful things life has to offer, and especially, like Donal Walsh, if you find that you are being robbed of your future – it can be incredibly hard to empathise with those who seem willing to give it up voluntarily. It's like trying to understand how someone could want to be let in from the cold while you're burning to death. But suicide is more rightly understood as the deadly symptom of an illness, just as uncontrollable cell growth is the deadly symptom of cancer.
Its victims deserve the same respect and understanding as those suffering from any other disease. And we will not be rid of the stigma of mental illness, which underlies so many sufferers’ reluctance to seek necessary help, until it is treated as such.
Genevieve Shanahan is a post-graduate philosophy student at University College London. She blogs about feminism, class, pop culture and other issues at
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