Calm was restored to the ostrich farms of Ireland last night with the news that Ladies Day at the Galway Races is over for another year. The run-up to festival week is always a terrifying time for the generously plumaged, as the hunt begins for that perfect Ballybrit hat.
As evening fell on the Wicklow Gap, ageing sheep heaved a weary sigh of relief, secure in the knowledge that their good name will not be traduced in the west for another 12 months.
That mutton dressed as lamb jibe really stings.
Then there are the sensitivities of the canine population to consider. Heartless photographers spent hours in the press tent yesterday dismissing most of their day's work with the same crushing verdict: "Dogs."
After all the efforts women make to look great on Ladies Day, it isn't fair that they are routinely rubbished by male snappers more used to photographing fashion models. "I wouldn't be surprised if Shergar turned up today in a frock," snorted one hardened cameraman.
All they wanted to do was photograph blondes in sprayed- on dresses, although two young women who turned up to promote a nightclub in Naas caused a brief frisson when it transpired that their blue-and-gold racing silks were, in fact, painted on.
However, when it further transpired that they were wearing real knickers, interest waned.
Never mind. Remember ladies, it's not how you look, but how you feel inside. And when the results of the annual Best Dressed Lady competition were announced, the Passed Over and Piqued brigade made it quite clear how they felt inside.
Pursed lips and grudging applause greeted the announcement of the winning outfit, with the heaving throng of the women outside the judges' tent directing daggers looks at the winners.
This is understandable. An awful lot of them went all out this year to carry off the top prize, only for their sartorial efforts to go unrecognised. As we contemplated the appalling vista of the adjudicating fashion experts having to leave the course under a Garda escort, the mood suddenly lightened.
When pretty Jill Macken, from Navan, stepped up on to the podium in all her winning finery, a thaw set in, and the initial icy applause that greeted the announcement changed to a chorus of approval.
Nineteen-year-old Jill, who is awaiting her Leaving Cert results and hopes to go on to study dental technology, wore her debs dress yesterday. "Colourful, empire line, elegant, floaty and fruity, sexy back, cut to the waist," is how she described it.
"Aston Villa colours," noted the gentlemen, and indeed, her outfit, from hat, dress and down to shoes, was in striking shades of claret and blue.
Jill travelled to the races earlier this week with her parents, Louise and Tommy. Unfortunately, her father took ill on Tuesday night at the races, and is now recuperating in Galway's University Hospital. "We said we wouldn't come here today, but he insisted we went," said Jill.
She wins a €3,000 voucher for the Anthony Ryan Department Store in the city. Runner-up was Shelley Smith, Avoca, Co Wicklow. Her champagne silk dress fitted Audrey Hepburn.
"She's very complete," declared a noted fashionista as Shelley joined Jill in the parade ring to receive her prize of a €1,500 voucher for Anthony Ryan.
Marie Blom, from nearby Salthill, walked away with a luxury holiday in Bruges when she won the Galway Now-sponsored Best Hat competition. A stunning confection threaded with rich red roses, the brim and crown were made from real hair.
Don't ask.
After the formalities, everyone adjourned for champagne but not before the winners were nearly flattened by the rapidly approaching winner of the fifth race.
Ah yes, the horses. One question was on everyone's lips after the feature race - the Guinness Jackpot Hurdle: How did Mirpour fare out in the end? This had nothing to do with the qualities of the animal and everything to do with a misprint in the official racecard.
Punters looking for pointers were informed that Mirpour "had a good blow job here on Monday. Could give them a difficult time." Wouldn't mind, pointed out a stickler of a racing correspondent, but the Aga Khan bred bay is a gelding.
Blushing Ballybrit manager John Moloney cleared up the matter by explaining that the card should have read the horse had "a good blow out" when running on Monday.
Pity, because we could have sworn Mirpour had a smile on his face at the starting line.
The Fianna Fáil "tint" was packed, but there was a very poor turnout by Ministers because Bertie was in Kerry on the first day of his holidays.
The most apt outfit around the track, amid all the sparkle and fluff and those little tufts of feathers called "fascinators" that are passed off as hats, belonged to a man. Malachy Duggan, Athlone, wore a suit created and
designed by Helen Monaghan and her final-year fashion students in the Galway Institute of Technology.
"It's what Galway is all about - booze," explained Malachy, doing a twirl in his outfit made from beer towels.
Appropriately enough, the day's racing was sponsored by Guinness. One prize was presented by a lady from the brewery with the most intriguing job title: "Head of Corporate Social Responsibility."
What would she have made of the gentleman outside the main bar, Guinness in fist, consulting his watch at teatime as he swayed back and forth.
To nobody in particular, he remarked "it's too late to go home early now."