Present Tense: At the start of the week the BBC banned a song from its radio stations. Style, Attract, Playby Shocka turns out to have been an elaborate commercial for a hair product, and its brief infiltration of the commercial-free broadcaster was part of a covert plan by advertising agency Saatchi & Saatchi.
The BBC reacted with typical annoyance, and there was a brief flurry of indignation. After all, if we can't trust the advertising industry, then who can we trust? The track itself is a blippy techno number, catchy after a while, but ultimately disposable. Still, it's the best song about hair gel that's been in the charts for a long time.
A few years ago, there was a similar controversy when a Ronan Keating music video featured blatant advertising for the movie Notting Hill. Slogans such as "this film's for you" and "film of the year, special price, I want it" popped up on screen, earning its makers a slap on the wrist. Although, in their defence, when you get Ronan Keating to sing for your movie then you've got to make up for the damage somehow.
In recent weeks, it's been confirmed that the new act on Stock Aitken and Waterman's books are The Sheilas, a trio who sang the jingle in an advert for women-only car insurance. According to their press release, they sound like a cross between Steps and The Supremes. And, it might add, the AA Roadwatch report.
So The Sheilas seem to have endangered their chances of getting airplay on the BBC. But if that most high-minded of broadcasters is going to get sniffy about the songs it plays on the radio, then perhaps it should cast an eye on other outposts of its empire.
If it were to yank from the airwaves every film that contained product placement, then it would have plenty of two-hour gaps in its schedules. It would have no guests for its chat shows, given that most of them are only there to sell their latest movie, book or album. And its children's programming - currently a commercial monster - would be confined to Polish animation from the 1970s. Covert advertising long ago infested the pop culture landscape, over-running the BBC in the process.
The BBC points out that "we must never include a product or service in sound or vision in return for cash, services or any consideration in kind". In fact, EU law prohibits it. Yet, even if Alan Sugar doesn't pay for his appearances on The Apprentice, it's still a massive boost to the image of his company.
And because American shows don't have such restrictions, when BBC2 originally showed the US series 24, it was also running a half-year-long commercial for the Ford cars that ferried the good guys from crisis to crisis.
American movies come similarly adorned with product placement. Most famously, 2000 flick Cast Awaywas primarily a long drawn-out homage to the dedication of the Fed-Ex courier. Five years alone on a desert island, and yet Tom Hanks resisted the temptation to open a package he was delivering. It inspired a brilliant parody in which a bearded Hanks-a-like finally delivers the package. Before leaving he asks what was inside. "Oh nothing really," the customer replies. "Just a satellite phone, GPS rotator, fishing rod, water purifier and some seeds . . . " Except that even the parody was sponsored by Fed-Ex, so that the viewer could feel cheated again.
If the BBC was to treat movies as it does music, its Christmas schedule would be severely compromised. Both High School Musicaland Calendar Girls- big movies in last year's schedule - contain blatant product placement. They might not be adverts disguised as movies - so not quite as underhand as Style, Attract, Play- but there are times when they're not far off.
And yet, tackling these would be nothing compared to the damage that would be done were the BBC to go through all the children's programmes and dump anything that doubles as a toy commercial. Bob the Builderwould be out straight away - it may be a fun animation, with worthy messages about the environment, but it's also at the heart of a commercial behemoth that stretches from books to hit records. Every new character is a potential new revenue, every new viewer a potential customer. The same goes for Teletubbies, Fireman Sam, Postman Pat, LazyTown, and almost every other show it broadcasts to kids. These shows are developed with an eye to the commercial possibilities, so that whatever ends up on the television, no matter how creative and entertaining, is also aimed at shifting toys and books and hundreds of other product ranges.
I'm not trying to say that the BBC shouldn't have banned Style, Attract, Play- only that in targeting one song it may be opening up a can of worms. And if so, may I recommend an excellent bait shop, with a wide range of products, right in the heart of the city centre.
