From Weekend 1 We got back to Dublin and, although I didn't tell Eileen, I began to see Ann again. Within a few weeks, Eileen had discovered my deception.
We tried to sort things out, and even had relationship counselling, but we knew we had to come to terms with reality. We endured agonies of depression and had endless, and savage rows. Then Eileen gave me an ultimatum. I was to stop seeing Ann and have her transferred from The Arts Show, or else the marriage was over. I told her I wasn't prepared to do that. We limped along for another few weeks and then, just before Christmas, after a particularly vicious row, I packed and left. I moved into an apartment in Blackrock and, although I have visited my family home on a regular basis since, I have never stayed overnight.
Even now, I can hardly bear to think of the hurt and shock the whole episode caused our children Elaine and Carol had known for some time that a break up was likely and both responded in a very mature and even handed way. Deirdre and Mark, on the other hand, were so devastated that for a while they could hardly bear to speak to me. Our friends, likewise, were quite traumatised by the break up; we had always appeared to be the ideal couple. In fact, afterwards, we learned that many of them found themselves, questioning their own marriages.
Eileen was shocked at the revelation that the affair had been going on far so long and understandably resentful of my having put herself and the children through such an unthinkable public and private humiliation. Though hurt and angry, she maintained her dignity throughout. Ann was predictably seen by the newspapers as the "scarlet woman" and, but for the support of her family and friends, might have found it impossible to cope. I was in a turmoil of guilt and despair. I couldn't sleep and it was difficult to concentrate at work. I continued to live in my little apartment in Blackrock.
I kept in touch with the children, trying hard to be honest with them and impressing on them that, whatever they thought about what I had done, I needed them in my life.
Gradually, the shock and hurt has subsided. Public reaction wasn't as harsh as I had feared. Eileen and I re established more regular contact and the children began to lose their anger and resentment. I am now in touch almost daily with all my children and we see each other as often as we can. Eileen and I reached an amicable financial settlement and I eventually moved into Ann's house and also bought a small apartment in the city centre.
Who can tell what the future will hold? Ann and I are extremely happy together. We share common interests and spend most of our free time together. We have a loving, companionable relationship. Eileen has sold the family home and has moved with Elaine and Mark into a smaller house in south Co Dublin, while Carol and Deirdre live in apartments in Dublin. We have all come through a very dark and difficult couple of years.
On RTE THERE is an insularity about RTE that urgently needs to be addressed. As chief executive of Emdee Productions, I was in the vanguard of the independent film sector for many years, where I witnessed its disgraceful treatment by middle management in television at RTE. We were forced to grovel to beg, and ultimately to threaten, to get a single crumb from that table. I have seen a character as tough as my friend and partner, Larry Masterson, best reduced to tears of anger and frustration at the indignities heaped upon him.
It is not my wish to bite the hand that feeds me, but I have made these quite forcefully within the organisation. RTE needs a more respectful and open approach if it is going to survive the challenges and changes in store.
And change is inevitable, both on television and on radio. Gay Byrne, who is almost irreplaceable, is already signalling that he is likely to move on in the near future. This will be the catalyst for change. We, his fellow broadcasters, regard Gay as the greatest professional of them all. He is an interviewer par excellence. He gives his undivided attention to his subject, looking them directly in the eye, has memorised his research and, if, he looks at his notes, it's in an entirely natural way, almost as part of the conversation. He can gauge public taste and whims and is not afraid to plough his own furrow.
There will, quite simply, never be another Gay Byrne. With the fragmentation of the choices on offer nowadays, no one person in the future will ever monopolise or dominate the airwaves as he has done. The fact that Gay's influence has been almost entirely positive in terms of the example he has set, the issues he has tackled and the sheer downright honesty of his personality is something of which he can be truly proud.
Will there be a Gay Byrne Mark Two? Pat Kenny? I'm not sure. Although he is an extremely intelligent man, with an encyclopaedic grasp of facts and figures, Pat often doesn't elicit information or emotion with the same shrewdness as Gay. He is all too obviously thinking of the next question, who's standing where, technical matters, and so on. Gay does all those things, but it is not so apparent. I don't mean to denigrate Pat's professionalism in any way, in fact I admire him a great deal, but I think his desire for perfection sometimes blinds him to his own limitations.
How about Gerry? We'll, Gerry is superb on radio, fast, free wheeling, provocative, utterly at east. Television? I don't know. He's had a succession of pretty disastrous TV shows and even his most recent one languished at the rear end of the ratings. I don't think it's a coincidence that all the really successful Irish TV personalities - Byrne, Frank Hall, Pat Kenny, myself - had the instincts and often the title of producer. It's a canniness, an ability to forecast the reaction to an item you're about to do, a refusal to get carried away with the euphoria of some "priceless" in joke, the nerve to say "No, that won't work". Some little discernment. Will Gerry develop it? I hope so. He's too good to miss out on the TV success that is his due.
Marian Finucane? A once off. Wonderful on radio, true to herself with all her natural little foibles of "em"-ing, coughing, constant admonitions of "Ah, hold on there a minute" adding to rather than detracting from her programmes. She has found her metier in Liveline and long may it continue. TV? Marian does very nicely thank you on Crimeline.
In summary, however, despite the extraordinarily high standard of broadcasting of which RTE can boast, old Gaybo remains the standard by which all shall be judged.
And there's simply no one to touch him. It could be said that RTE should have invested time and money in selecting and nurturing a successor, but I would argue that the man is unique, and reiterate that we shall not see his like again.