CASE STUDY:ANNA AND her husband found it impossible to agree on anything when they decided to separate after eight years of marriage.
“Things fell apart last year. I wanted to move out with the kids. He didn’t want me to take the kids. We couldn’t come to arrangements on anything,” says Anna.
Her husband’s solicitor suggested co-mediation and the couple, who live in Dublin and have two daughters aged six and four, decided they would give it a go.
“I didn’t know what to expect, but we were desperate,” she says.
Within a few weeks of making the decision, Anna and her husband found themselves sitting around a table together trying to work out a plan for their future.
“I expected it would be somewhat intimidating, but it wasn’t like that at all. They made us feel comfortable and relaxed and it was a very positive atmosphere.
“ I liked the idea there was a man and a woman. I felt that both myself and my husband were represented. It was like an even playing field.”
Six months after beginning co-mediation, they are living in separate homes and have hammered out a “living agreement”.
One of the big advantages of mediation, she says, is that the separating couple make the decisions and come up with solutions, rather than being “at the mercy of the court”. “They are helping you make the decisions that are best for you and the kids.”
They cover everything from at what time the children are picked up and who picks them up from school, to discipline and how they will to parent together while living separately, she adds.
“It’s the fact the marriage has ended . . . you’re still burdened with all the stuff from the end of the marriage. You’re two people going separate ways who no longer get along, so it’s going to be a bit emotional.
“It’s exhausting, but it’s so much more empowering and positive for the couple than going to court.”
“It helped us communicate and it made us feel we had somewhere to go to sort out our problems.”
And while it is expensive, it’s cheaper than hiring a solicitor, she adds. Having come to an agreement on their living arrangements through co-mediation, Anna and her husband have decided to do their separation agreement though co-mediation. “We’ve come a long way and I put that down to the mediation,” she says.