Forget about last-minute tips on Christmas gifts or food - in the world of women's magazines, it's already next year, writes Berna Cox
Oh please. Can we get Christmas over first? Can we maybe even attempt to enjoy it? Can we park our overweight misery for a while and concentrate on a little bit of warmth, goodwill and Christmas cheer? I know people complain (and I'm one of them) that the whole Christmas thing starts earlier than it should every year, but, leaving that to one side, Christmas is still December 25th. It's still well over two weeks away. There's another week after that before New Year.
Why, then, has 2003 started? In the strange world of magazine publishers, at any rate, 2003 is here.
For a nanosecond, I thought maybe it was a time-warp. It was December 5th and I was browsing in the newsagents, just looking for something to read over a cup of coffee. I'm about to start some modest Christmas shopping; maybe a magazine might inspire me.
Or not. I'm looking at issues dated January 2003. Christmas, it seems, is over before it begins. I'm faced with the obligatory New Year diet; my astrological opportunities for 2003; how to be a smart January sales shopper (although the "January" sales tend to start before Christmas now too) and competitions to help me clear the debt that I've most likely accrued by over-spending on Christmas. All this on December 5th? Why are these magazines wishing our lives away? Whatever happened to "101 gift ideas" and "how to make stuffing", available on the shelves until Christmas Eve?
The run-up to Christmas, it seems, is the slowest time of the year in the magazine trade. A spokesperson for Eason's described it as the time of year when "sales go to pot". A normally stable market will take a bit of a nose-dive at this time of year. So they whoosh us through Christmas in October/November and wheel on the New Year with diets and horoscopes in early December. We will always want a magic diet and a romantic whiff of mystic opportunity - and we spend our money in December.
Mark Hazzard is the manager of the Newbridge, Co Kildare branch of the Porter's Newsagents chain. "The magazine industry doesn't cater for the Christmas market as much as it used to," he says. For about two weeks before Christmas, people are frantic and too busy, it seems, to be bothered with buying or reading Christmas magazines. The magazine industry's solution to the nuisance of Christmas is to get it out of the way in the November issues at the latest - the Ideal Home Christmas issue arrived in the shops on October 17th, according to Hazzard. New Woman, She, Prima, Eve and Company all now have their January issues on sale. The Weight Watchers January issue, Hazzard says, will be on the shelves on December 15th.
And it's not just women's magazines. FHM, which is, I'm told, a big seller with the boys, has its January issue stacked on the shelves and screaming "Gentlemen - Arm yourselves. It's FHM's 2003 survival package". The said "survival package" is a three-component affair - the actual magazine, a 2003 diary and a calendar. (A touch of MacGyver about that - saving the world with a rubber band and a pocket-knife.) Nary a sign of Christmas.
The covers of the magazines too, according to Hazzard, have become less seasonal. Covers with "all the colours of Christmas" always sell well, but they are less evident than they were a few years ago. "There's no doubt", Hazzard says, "that the January issues get pushed through."
January is a good time for the magazine trade. Publishers launch their "part works" titles - weekly, fortnightly or monthly magazines to collect and build into a set. The first issue is usually on sale for a nominal price and, once you're hooked, you pay full whack. This is, according to Hazzard, "a massive market". He doesn't know yet what new titles will be launched, but is confident they will be similar to this year's: "Sabrina the Teenage Witch, Rugrats etc." Each issue comes with a free gift and the juniors bleat at their parents about keeping subscriptions up to date.
The one "part work" that only partly worked this year was Titanic, in which a piece of the ship accompanied every issue with a view to building the entire thing over time. There were supply difficulties and "people were left with half a ship", according to Hazzard. Was that ship doomed or what? Nonetheless, January is magazine heaven for those in the trade.
But do we want it in December? Two of my fellow browsers picked up a copy of Prima advertising "107 ideas for a Fab New Year".
"Jesus," moaned one. "I still have to do Santa."
"My in-laws are coming," says the friend.
Such pressure.
When we were little, we measured time by counting how many times we had to go to bed and get up again before Santa arrived. Someone should tell the magazines that there are still 18 sleeps until Christmas and a whole 25 before the diet kicks in. Can we just enjoy the moment, please?