What national newspaper rang Comdt Eoin O Neachtain, the Army press officer who was showing Minister for Defence Michael Smith round the dug-outs of South Lebanon last week seeking a comment on the Irish Guards getting into a bit of a row in Kosovo? Quidnunc knows, and it wasn't The Irish Times, whose reporter dodging the shells heard the unflapabble O Neachtain explain to the intrepid hack that, er actually, the Irish Guards are not ours.