The following is part of an email that reached Quidnunc this week from the election-dominated US:
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Vice President Al Gore: I fight for the chickens and I am fighting for the chickens right now. I will not give up on the chickens crossing the road! I will fight for the chickens and I will not disappoint them.
Governor George W. Bush: I don't believe we need to get the chickens across the road. I say give the road to the chickens and let them decide. The government needs to let go of strangling the chickens so they can get across the road.
Senator Joseph Lieberman: I believe that every chicken has the right to worship their God in their own way. Crossing the road is a spiritual journey and no chicken should be denied the right to cross the road in their own way.
Secretary Dick Cheney: Chickens are big-time because they have wings. They could fly if they wanted to. Chickens don't want to cross the road. They don't need help crossing the road. In fact, I'm not interested in crossing the road myself.
Ralph Nader: Chickens are misled into believing there is a road by the evil tyremakers. Chickens aren't ignorant, but our society pays tyremakers to create the need for these roads and then lures chickens into believing there is an advantage to crossing them. Down with the roads, up with chickens.
Pat Buchanan: To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.
Jerry Falwell: Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side". That's what "they" call it - the "other side". Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too.
President Bill Clinton: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by "chicken"? Could you define "chicken" please?
More from the e-mail next week.
Quidnunc is rholohan@irish-times.ie