The launch of the 'Queen Mary 2' is a sign of the popularity of cruise holidays, and that's good news for Ireland, writes Arminta Wallace.
It's a pretty naff ceremony, the naming of a new cruise liner: dignitary hurls bottle of champagne against hull, ripple of polite applause. But then, cruising always seems to contain an element of the irredeemably naff.
Even the world's newest and largest cruise ship, the Queen Mary 2 which set off on its maiden journey on Monday after being baptised by bubbly at Southampton pier last week, couldn't quite sail into the headlines without leaving a distinct whiff of kitsch in her wake. She may be the tallest, longest, widest, most expensive cruise liner ever built, but the plastic sun loungers in her premium cabins reminded one observer of Butlin's, while the London Times's report compared the $800-million ship to "a floating block of glitzy flats".
This despite the fact the QM2 is kitted out with five swimming pools, a casino, a theatre, a gym, a spa and the world's first planetarium at sea. A six-day jaunt across the Atlantic in one of her most expensive cabins will set you back $27,249 - a snip, of course, when you consider that it includes your very own lift, and a butler.
Naff? Not half. But then, this is the industry which gave us cruisewear, the onboard singalong and the Good Ship Lollipop. Traditionally, cruising has been the preserve of the comfortably retired, who seek nothing more challenging from a holiday than bingo sessions, art lessons, a spot of origami and the occasional pina colada. For the rest of us, the notion of being trapped on a ship with such people for more than a couple of hours smacks more of incarceration than intoxication.
Alas for us begrudgers, the cruise industry appears to be on the crest of a global wave. The Cunard Line didn't build the Queen Mary 2 for fun. At 345 metres (or 36 buses) long, she can carry 2,600 passengers - and according to Cunard officials, 70 per cent of her berths have been booked until the end of the year. More than half of these are first-time cruisers; and with 85 per cent of Americans and 90 per cent of Europeans yet to try a cruise holiday, the market is poised for a serious high tide.
Somebody is going to make an awful lot of money out of all this - and the good news is that it may well be us. There has been a significant increase in the number of cruise ships calling to Irish ports over the past decade, much of it due to the efforts of Cruise Ireland, an organisation composed of port authorities and tourism bodies, which chases the cruise business at the Seatrade International convention in Miami each March.
"We have 62 cruise liners booked in for this year," says Jimmy Carolan, marketing manager of Dublin Port. Last year, some 35,000 visiting passengers spent €14 million when they stepped ashore in Dublin. "That's a conservative estimate," says Carolan, with what sounds - even over the phone - like a whopping great grin. "Ships also pay harbour dues, but it's not really a huge money-spinner for the port - the big beneficiary is the city," he says.
Dublin, he adds, is regarded as a good destination - but ships are also calling at Cork, Waterford, Belfast, Derry, Galway and Killybegs.
He says that cruise companies want two things. They want good access - they like to get right up to the quay wall, and in Dublin they do that - and room on the quayside for shuttle buses, parking for tour guides and so on.
The biggest ship ever to call at Dublin was The Brilliance of the Seas. "It was 296 metres long, which is twice the length of the playing surface in Croke Park," explains Carolan. "We also get smaller boats, eco-friendly tours and so on... and we can bring them right up to Sir John Rogerson's Quay. But the basic size of cruise liners is increasing, and that's a trend worldwide; so we'll have to accommodate bigger and bigger ships in the future."
Meanwhile, we Irish haven't been slacking when it comes to cruising. "Ireland is the fastest growing cruise market in the world," says Neasa McHugh, general manager of specialist operator Cruise Holidays. "It grew by 30 per cent last year, and all of the international cruise companies are looking at Ireland to promote their business."
More than half of Irish cruisers head for the Caribbean, with 30 per cent opting for the Mediterranean and northern Europe. But if you want to go on the QM2, Cruise Holidays can get you to New York and back for a mere €1,455 per person. "Cruising is certainly not for the super-rich any more," says McHugh. "And the age profile is coming down all the time, too. OK, on worldwide cruises and British Isles cruises you'd tend to get the older crowd. But the new Royal Caribbean boats have rock-climbing walls and ice-skating rinks on board. The average age group on those would be 35-40."
If these trends continue, us cruise begrudgers will sink without trace. But will cruising ever be cool? Well, how about a trip to the top of the world? For about €15,000 the Scottish company Arcturus Expeditions will take you to Ellesmere Island in August - which, inches from the North Pole and one of the most pristine wilderness areas left on earth, is about as cool as it gets.
But you'll need to go soon, before it's invaded by gangs of marauding cruisers drinking pina coladas and singing Una Paloma Blanca into the Arctic skies. All together, now . . .