TWO pre Christmas scenes to contemplate. The first is of a shopper who has battled through crowded shops of ill tempered people to amass the usual pile of presents. Every last ounce of energy is spent, not to mention about five months pay, and the worst is still to come. Festive food and drink have to be bought, in a numbing supermarket assault - a marathon of sweat, squashed tomatoes and clanking bottles. The second scene is of a shopper sitting snugly - maybe even smugly - by the fire, filling in a form.
Within a day or two, with no effort more strenuous than a phonecall and the flexing of a credit card, the Christmas booze is on the doorstep. No magnums of champagne are on offer for guessing which approach is easier on the central nervous system.
The notion of buying wine direct - by mail, fax or phone - may not always trigger warm, positive feelings, I admit. Offers in newspapers and magazines have helped to tarnish the image of a handy purchasing method, by palming off indifferent wines at unappetising prices. The traditional mail order time lag warning "allow 28 days for delivery is another deterrent. Nobody with a houseful of thirsty people due the day after tomorrow can afford to wait weeks for the post van.
The good news is that Irish wine drinkers can now buy direct from a choice of reputable sources - companies and clubs whose survival and success depend on keeping regular customers happy hence their disinclination to sell rubbish. And delivery time is down to a few days, at most.
Wines Direct in Mullingar, Ireland's mail order pioneers, have recently introduced guaranteed next day delivery anywhere in Ireland, provided you order before 4.30 p.m. This company has come on by leaps and bounds since Paddy and Siobhan Keogh started it eight years ago. "We began it purely to support our habit," Paddy says.
"Although we were both working, we found we couldn't afford to drink wine every day - something we'd enjoyed during holidays in France. The answer was to import some ourselves. The first consignment was 25 cases - five for us and 20 to sell to friends. Before we knew where we were, we'd sold 28. It was then we went on the treadmill - rushing home from work to listen to the orders on the answering machine."
Although Wines Direct has since ballooned in size, personal contact is still one of its strongest selling points - contact with customers and with the makers of the 31 French wines on offer. Paddy will enthuse for as long as you let him about every single bottle - as likely as not made by some impassioned individualist he has tracked down among his vignes. Wines Direct uses polystyrene packaging to safeguard against breakage. Delivery is at cost price - £3.99 per carton of six or 12 (can be mixed). Price range £5.99-£15.99.
From the oldest in the field to the newest: The Grapevine Club has just been launched from Maynooth by Michael Tennyson, owner until recently of the Mill Wine Cellar. It's an interesting concept. A once off fee of £35 entitles members to buy direct from an impressive list of wines from all over the world - many exclusive to the Grapevine and most at keen prices. Members are rewarded with a £10 wine voucher, regular tastings in different parts of the country and newsletters. This is the main thrust of an ambitious scheme which also includes opening a wine shop at Moyglare Glebe next Tuesday; there the catalogue listed wines will be on sale (at slightly higher prices to non members). Wine courses, winemakers' dinners, even wine trips are all in the plans. Free delivery for cases of 12 (can be mixed). Price range £4.90-£35.
James Nicholson, the merchant who entices so many southern wine drinkers to the outer reaches of Co Down, is selling a number of his wines through the Grapevine Club, continuing a connection Michael Tennyson established a few years ago. Other southern wine merchants have also begun to stock a few Nicholson bottles. However, fans down south should note that a wide selection is now available direct from his Kildare bonded warehouse.
Part of Nicholson's flair is to hand pick wines crafted with enormous dedication and panache by some of the most dynamic winemakers in the business - people such as Patrick Campbell and Tom Rochioli in California or Andre Romero in the Rhone. "We tend to focus on the smaller growers," he says. "The problem with growers' wines is that you have to go out there every year and taste, because there's no question of house style or uniformity. It's hard work, but the results can be so exciting." Delivery free on cases of 12 (can be mixed). Price range £4.83-£36.87; separate list for fine clarets on request.
Also relatively new to wine shoppers in the Republic is the Irish branch of The Wine Society. This grand old institution founded in 1874 has more than 80,000 members in Britain - enough to enable the four Masters of Wine who buy on its behalf to source three enormous selections a year exclusively for members. The society is in fact run as a cooperative, owned by its members: to join you must be proposed by a member and pay £20 for one lifetime share. Having admired it from afar, Dublin management and wine consultant Fergus McDermott brought the Wine Society to Ireland last autumn.
"It offers an enjoyable, hassle free way of buying wines, with a very wide range of options," he says. "That includes a great many well priced wines that aren't otherwise available here." Other benefits include four tastings a year, "educational" cases (helping members to explore a particular region or grape variety, with excellent back up information) and frequent special offers. Members in the Republic can either pay British prices and collect their wine from Newry, or pay £1 per bottle more to cover Southern duty, VAT and delivery, which sounds like a bargain. Cases of six or 12, price range £4.90-£100.
Finally, two small Irish companies which have built up a core of satisfied customers over the past few years by concentrating on quality wines. Former Irish Times journalist Ronan Foster set up Best Cellars when he found his passion for wine couldn't be contained within this column. His carefully chosen list is all French, ranging through aristocratic clarets such as Chateau Lynch Bages and Grand Puy Lacoste to the splendid Champagne Gosset, with some good crus bourgeois and southern French quality from Languedoc's Domaine des Aspes. Cases of 12 (can be mixed). Delivery free within Dublin; outside Dublin charged at cost. Price range £6-£53.
Burgundy Direct was launched by Conor Richardson in 1988, after frequent visits to a brother with the good fortune to live near Chablis. "I fell in love with Burgundy and was terribly disappointed by the wines on sale here at the time," he explains. "Ninety five per cent was from negociants ranges, and many weren't impressive. I struck on a few single domaines and the business Just went on from there." Burgundy Direct has extended beyond its natural geographical boundaries to encompass other French regions and Italy. Terms as for Best Cellars above. Price range £5.99-£48.75.
WITH the season of extravagance upon us, I've chosen some luxury bottles among the many on offer by this painless means - but it's important to stress that you don't have to spend big money. Inexpensive wines are included in all the lists, particularly the first four. The other thing I should say - lest I get my head cut off like a turkey before Christmas - is that many a good wine merchant of the more conventional kind welcomes phone/fax/credit card orders and will deliver a case or more.