Twenty years ago my life changed dramatically. Having retired early from a career in business, I was wondering what I would do next when I attended a funeral that would provide the inspiration I needed. It was a humanist funeral. I discovered humanism and decided there and then that I wanted to conduct humanist funerals.
Ever since abandoning religion as a teenager I had often wondered why funerals, and the other ceremonies to mark the milestones of life, had to be held in churches. My break from religion was very straightforward: as a Church of Ireland teenager I became more and more uneasy about the creed which I was expected to recite at church every Sunday.
This was a declaration of belief and the truth was that I didn’t believe it. I found most of it literally unbelievable: “maker of heaven and earth”, born of a virgin, the resurrection, the ascension, heaven, hell, everlasting life – in short, just about everything in the creed.
Most people, I found, seemed to just go along with this. There was an old idea that you didn’t discuss religion; it could cause friction, it could be dangerous. It was better just to accept what you were told. And I found the majority of people I spoke to didn’t believe these things either – but most of them chose to carry on practising a religion they didn’t fundamentally believe in; they didn’t want to rock the boat.
Positive ethics
After 40 years of living my life with no religion, my discovery of humanism was, for me, my moment of enlightenment; it provided me with an anchor. Atheism, I felt, was simply non-belief in God, whereas humanism implied a positive ethical dimension.
Humanism was for people who based their understanding of existence on the evidence of the natural world and its evolution rather than on belief in a supernatural being; it was an ethical life stance placing human values at the centre of its philosophy.
Rather than the 10 commandments, humanists have a statement of fundamental principles called the Amsterdam Declaration which was adopted at the 2002 World Humanist Congress in that city. This affirms the worth, dignity and autonomy of the individual and the right of every human being to the greatest possible freedom compatible with the rights of others.
The Golden Rule, “do unto others as you would have them do unto you” is at the heart of humanist thinking, just as it is in Christianity.
My timing was good; 20 years ago Ireland was changing and this change would be more rapid than anyone could have predicted. And one of the most notable areas of change was in religious belief and observance. The marking of births, marriages and deaths had been virtually exclusively religious; why not humanist ceremonies to mark these important events?
I have spent much of the last two decades arranging and conducting humanist ceremonies. Humanist weddings have grown dramatically in popularity with non- religious ceremonies now outstripping those held in churches. But the ceremonies closest to my heart were always funerals; I found it extraordinarily enriching helping families who chose to mark the death of a loved one in a very personal and meaningful way but without religion.
Fudged funerals
For years, funerals for such people were fudged; it was assumed that everyone in Ireland was a Protestant or a Catholic. The fact now is that many people are neither. In my early years as a celebrant the demand for funerals was small; in my first year I conducted two. Now I conduct almost one a week and there are lots of celebrants providing this service. I have now conducted more than 500 funerals.
Some people feel a humanist funeral is somehow lacking, that there is something missing. People naturally became so accustomed to the religious aspect that it seemed strange not to have it. But my funerals always include philosophical words where I talk about the continuum of life and how your influence goes on through those you’ve touched in life after you’re gone; this is the legacy that someone leaves behind.
For non-religious people, these words ring true and are preferable to promises of resurrection and everlasting life which, to many, ring hollow.
Of course, things are not always black and white; there are always shades of grey. And if, to appease family members, a prayer or a reading from the Bible is requested I am always happy for this to be included within the structure of a humanist ceremony.
The churches will continue to bury their dead as their custom has dictated for a very long time. But, for a large and growing section of the community who subscribe to a non-religious outlook on life, it’s important to offer appropriate ceremonies to mark their life’s end with love, dignity and respect, and with integrity and honesty.
Brian Whiteside is a secularist and a humanist funeral celebrant