Ah, Christmas Day. The perfect time for unwrapping presents, spending time with family and, er, making a diesel rebate claim? Yes, you may think you know your fellow citizens so would it surprise you to learn that 26,000 of them visited the Revenue Commissioners’ website on Christmas Day, 2023?
What were they searching for, you may ask? Wondering if Santa’s largesse might be considered a benefit in kind? Investigating the possibility of declaring that novelty Christmas apron as protective clothing and therefore a legitimate business expense? And who exactly was wearing that apron and basting the turkey when this online activity was going on?
This flurry of tax-related administration was just one of the findings from my impromptu bout of research into how people spend their Christmas Day.
Forget about the Christmas swims and bracing walks through mountains of leaves and think of those 26,000 people who were faffing around on the Revenue website last year instead of chopping onions for the stuffing.
A rebate Christmas – Alison Healy on the surprising ways people spend their time on the big day
Name Shame – Frank McNally on the continuing tragedy of the forename “Kevin” and a bad night for “Shamrock” in London
Kiss of Death? – Frank McNally on the rise and fall of mistletoe
O Holy Fright – Frank McNally on an ‘uplifting’ carol service
A Revenue spokesman tried to normalise it all, saying Revenue did not consider Christmas Day activity on their website to be an unusual thing. But who is he kidding? And just what were they up to?
He revealed that 546 income tax returns were filed by PAYE taxpayers on December 25th, 2023. More than 205 people had submitted online enquiries, while 202 people were logging on in connection with diesel rebate claims. Just how boring was the big Christmas movie last year, you might wonder?
Or were they just hiding behind a laptop to make sure they weren’t put on washing-up duty?
And it would be interesting to learn if the partner who was left scrubbing the saucepans indulged in a burst of online activity in response. I was unable to establish whether online quick divorce applications had seen a surge later in the day when the harried partner finally got to put their feet up.
Whether you celebrate Christmas or not, most people who are lucky to be off work on December 25th see it as the one day in the year when you can safely forget about the humdrum tasks of life. Not so for the 701 customers who decided that December 25th last year presented the perfect opportunity to book their car in for an NCT.
It seems vehicle owners can’t resist indulging in a spot of admin, even on the birthday of baby Jesus. There were more than 1,600 motor tax transactions on that day last year. And a Department of Transport spokesman helpfully pointed out that those payments spanned every hour of the day, from just after 12:01am until 11.59pm.
So while Santa was busy delivering presents in the middle of the night, and exhausted parents were shepherding their excitable children back to their beds at 3.20am, someone somewhere in this State was getting their motor taxation affairs in order.
Christmas cheer can often bring out the best in us so perhaps that explains the 92 people who chose Christmas Day to renew their TV licence last year. What prompted this decision? Hardly a re-run of Mrs Brown’s Boys? Perhaps it was the Pope’s speech that pricked their guilty consciences and made them pay up?
But have you ever heard anyone admitting to doing these things on Christmas Day? When you read interviews with famous people who wax lyrical about their wonderful Christmas mornings, how many of them will admit to renewing their home insurance after a few glasses of bubbly? Surely a few of them have logged on to surreptitiously check the price of the sparkly bracelet they were gifted. Or to initiate the process of returning that hideous jumper they got from their in-laws?
No, in the celebrity world it’s all about wearing matching pyjamas as they exchange beautifully-wrapped gifts in front of a roaring fire. Their childhood Christmas memories are similarly bathed in a warm and twinkly rose-tinted glow. Did Taylor Swift’s brother never pull the leg off her new doll before she had a chance to play with it? Did Paul Mescal never fling the Scrabble board across the room in disgust when his sister got a 44-point word? Perhaps a young Ursula von der Leyen ate too many candy canes from her stocking and had a sugar-induced tantrum before breakfast? I’m sure Bono’s dog must have vomited under the Christmas dinner table at least once. And I hear rumours that Barack Obama is viciously competitive when the family plays Trivial Pursuit. These are the details we need to hear.
And if Beyoncé raised an online inquiry with Inland Revenue, then yes, we most certainly would like to know all about that too, please.