As a pedal cyclist, I welcome the proposal for Dublin bus-lanes to be opened up to motorbikes. The more the merrier, I say. Let our motorised cousins take their chances with the wing-mirrors of the 46A, same as we do. But on one condition. If motorcyclists get access to the bus lanes then, in fairness, we should be allowed to use the footpaths, writes Frank McNally.
I know pedestrians will argue that to allow cyclists on footpaths would be merely to formalise current practice. This is partly true. Many cyclists already see footpaths as a combination of hard shoulder and overtaking lane. But under my proposal, we would be actively encouraged to use them, and they would be modified so that we could do so safely.
The first requirement would be a ban on hanging baskets. Even now, the unchecked spread of suspended floristry outside pubs, in particular, is a danger to any cyclist without a helmet. The custom of cafes putting tables outside would have to be looked at too. Above all, bicycle-friendly footpaths would need regular entry and exit ramps, allowing us to switch quickly to and from the street, as conditions dictate.
Naturally, the needs of existing footpath users would have to be considered. Under my proposal, pedestrians would retain full right-of-way (except during rush-hour, when they would be advised to stay indoors). On the other hand, slow-moving tour groups and hen parties would be prohibited by law from using footpaths, without special permits.
I realise that none of this will happen. Despite their complacency in not having a lobby group to represent them, pedestrians can probably rely on retaining their official monopoly of footpath space for the foreseeable future. In the circumstances, therefore, I have to echo the response of the Dublin Cycling Campaign towards sharing bus-lanes with motor-bikes and say: Not an inch.
There is a war on for road space in Dublin: between on the one side private cars and lorries - the Rome-Berlin axis, as it were - and on the other the Allied Forces of public transport, cyclists, and pedestrians. Motor-bikers are caught in the middle, unfortunately. But then war is hell. Just ask the Allies' chief of staff - Dublin's director of traffic, Michael Phillips - who is currently recovering from a flak attack last week.
Phillips's plans to fight motorists everywhere from the beaches to the underground car-parks were undermined by reports that he himself drives to work every day, and that so doing, he avails of one of the Civic Offices' 300 free parking spaces. He protested that his was a multiple-occupancy car, for some of the trip. And as for the free parking, he added that the number of spaces in the Civic Offices "is constantly under review".
What exactly this last bit means (that the spaces are monitored by cameras?) is not clear. But since Mr Phillips is on our side, cyclists will give him the benefit of the doubt. There's a war on, after all. Disguising himself as a car commuter may be part of covert operations.
In the same interview, the traffic czar delivered a mild rebuke to cyclists, saying we need to recognise that the rules of the road apply equally to us. Most of us would agree there is room for improvement. Cyclists don't so much obey the laws of traffic as of chemistry. They tend to take the shortest distance between two points, for example, especially when heated or subjected to pressure.
But cyclists would protest that many traffic laws, such as the one-way street system, are leftovers from the era of automobile imperialism, and are completely foreign to our two-wheeled culture. As it happens, I have joint citizenship in this debate. I also drive, mostly off-peak, and as a driver I quite enjoy one-way streets. As soon as I get on a bicycle, however, the one-way system oppresses me like a vestige of the Penal Laws.
Another thing that oppresses me is cobblestones. The most environmentally friendly part of central Dublin, arguably, is Temple Bar. But whoever decided to pave all its streets with cobbles must have been the owner of a bottom that had never known contact with a bike saddle. Elsewhere, the pro-cycling changes that have been made are still well short of achieving behavioural change. When most drivers start demonstrating that they have a firm grip of the concept of a bicycle lane, I predict, most cyclists will stop using footpaths.
As for those charming red rectangles at road junctions, where bicycles are encouraged to take up positions across the width of the traffic lane, and then wait for the lights to change: well, that may happen after the war, as part of a comprehensive peace agreement. For now, as long as there are motorists revving up behind them with barely disguised homicidal intent, cyclists will prefer to anticipate the green light, and minimise the chances of being run over from the rear. Another thing about bicycle users that I know really annoys people is our habit of parking, willy-nilly, wherever the humour takes us.
It's true that cyclists will lock their bikes to anything immobile: lampposts, railings, trees, statues, the legs of stationary pedestrians, etc. If it weren't three metres thick at the base, the Millennium Spire would have bicycles locked to it too. But if it's any consolation, I can assure people that the number of unapproved bike parking places in Dublin is - to coin a phrase - constantly under review.