One of the great mysteries of life for me is why anyone would want to have a tattoo put on their body. Does it do anything for the body? Does it impress anyone? Does it not look silly, unnatural, ugly? I can't understand the thinking behind it. My old body, with all its faults and imperfections, can do without any additions, subtractions or alterations at this stage of its life.
Nevertheless, I'm told that tattooing is becoming very popular. Some observers attribute the trend to our more liberal society and to the safer, more sophisticated methods of getting the business done. There are also dramatic improvements in the colourings available, giving richer, more brilliant effects. I'm afraid it all passes over my head. It's just not my idea of spending money or impressing people.
Two-finger salute
There was a time when you had to be a biker, a sailor or a Chelsea supporter before you would dare flaunt your snakes, dragons and eternal love for someone in blazing Technicolour before the perplexed public.
Enthusiasts feel a tattoo is a bit different. It sets you apart. It gives you a special exclusivity, especially if you have managed to get a spectacular, colourful, way-out design drawn on some part of your body, giving the two-finger salute to the world. Yes, it seems like a good idea at the time. You can also express your undying love for your girlfriend. The only problem is when that phase passes. . . Pledging your love for life through a tattoo can be all very well at the time, but when the manure hits the fan and and the romance hits a brick wall, how do you get rid of the thing? You have seen the last of the girl, but the tattoo lingers on. . .
The more squeamish are not sure whether they want a tattoo or not, so they compromise and get one placed somewhere discreet - like their backside. Unless their swimming togs fall off on the beach, nobody but their partner-for-life will know their great secret. I suppose you can get a buzz out going around with such classified information.
Then if you do decide to do a U-turn, the damn things are difficult to remove, sometimes very painful. The more up-to-date methods include laser treatment. After laser treatment on a highly coloured tattoo, the patient is likely to be left with a white patch as the skin loses its pigmentation. Some cosmetic surgeons will offer to tattoo over the original tattoo in flesh-coloured ink. Some clever Hollywood stars opt for the Henna tattoo, which fades after a month.
Psychiatrist's view
An English psychiatrist was asked his view of tattooing some years ago and his answer was very interesting. He said: "I think the people who do this are trying to express a part of their personality they do not consciously understand. Hopefully, it is harmless - but when I look at tattoos of snakes winding their way around a woman's bosom I cannot but pray that I will never have to treat the child who sucked at that breast when he grows up."
I have been told that tattooing is sharply restricted in New York, but there are numerous tattoo parlours that operate underground and there is no problem getting a job done. In England, under the Tattooing of Minors Act 1969, it is illegal to tattoo anyone under 18, not that this seems to be any deterrent to the youngsters. In this State, there are no such legal controls, but reputable tattoo shops will not tattoo minors unless they are accompanied by a parent or can demonstrate parental approval.
Two years ago Zoe Heller, writing in the Sunday Times, described in hilarious detail a visit to a New York backs-street tattoo parlour. She was shown into a waiting room and given a cup of coffee. "Fairly soon the room began to fill up with other punters; it was one weird scene. There was one Vietnam vet who wanted a huge black Marine Corps insignia on his back. There was an obese old guy in his 60s who came in with a very young girl wanting to have a moon and stars sprinkled just above her pubic line (She looked about 12, but when the manager asked for ID, Fats just shouted, `She's 21, okay?' and the manager backed off.)
"There was a woman in her 50s who wanted a witch on a broomstick flying across her chest. And then there was a young black guy who was planning to have a black man's profile in the shape of the African continent tattooed on his belly."
Criminals and slaves
Still, tattooing has been around a long time and always had a big following. Tattoos have been found on Egyptian mummies dating from 2000 BC. Their use is mentioned by classical scholars in relation to the Thracians, Greeks, Gauls, ancient Germans and ancient Britons: the Romans tattooed criminals and slaves. After the advent of Christianity, tattooing was forbidden in Europe, but persisted in the Near East and in other parts of the world.
The first electric tattooing implement was was patented in the US in 1891. In the 19th century, released US convicts and British army deserters were identified by tattoos, and later inmates of Siberian prisons and Nazi concentration camps were similarly marked.
I heard a man on the radio a few months ago say that he got a few tattoos placed on his arms when he was 16. Now that he is in his 30s he is embarrassed to wear short-sleeved shirts. Isn't it amazing how your past always comes back to haunt you?