The death of a loved one is a strange and desolate experience. As John O'Donohue observes in his book Anam Chara: "Something breaks within you, which will never come together again." Grief, Cardinal Basil Hume reflected, is a dying within one.
My mother, Nancy Cahir, was laid to rest on November 6th, the feast of all the saints of Ireland. Appropriately, too, the Sermon on the Mount was read at her funeral Mass. She regarded old age as a monster and had been in decline for years. A few days before her death, however, she talked of looking forward to meeting loved ones in heaven.
But there was nothing beautiful about her death. Nature took its cruel course, despite the wonderful advances in medicine. We were called to the nursing home at 2 a.m. Mother lay moaning like a dove until after six that evening. Her strong heart prolonged the last agony. One was reminded of Golgotha. The candlelight cast a shadow of the crucifix. Christ did not come to explain suffering but to fill it with his presence. At Mother's deathbed God's presence was visible in suffering humanity, and in the hands and hearts and professionalism of her carers. In the end "nil an bas ach muchadh coinneal le breachadh an lae".
Magnificent women
Her body was interred beside Daddy's on a raw day in Clarecastle. She was the last in a generation of magnificent women, whose lives were characterised by generosity and hospitality. Born in 1907, she lost her mother at birth and her father when she was 15. She used to recall that when her father, a Redmondite member of the first Clare County Council, died in June 1922, people had difficulty returning to Dublin from his funeral because the Civil War had broken out.
"Sweet are uses of adversity," the Bard wrote. The loss of her parents in childhood helped to mould a woman of compassion. She had a particular empathy with young people who experienced a similar tragedy, and was a maternal presence to a wide circle.
She had, moreover, a strong sense of justice. It required moral courage to side with a young female employee in a male-dominated society. In her prime, mother was a formidable, matriarchal figure.
In better times she might have had a musical career. She won a bronze medal at the Dublin Feis in 1925. The following year she had an audition for the fledgling Radio Eireann but was unable to attend due to illness. Instead, she entertained friends by singing old favourites such as The Kerry Dances, The Bard of Armagh and Teddy O'Neill to her own piano accompaniment.
Healing
John Henry Newman said: "How blessed will it be if we are, by God's mercy, brought together in a country where all is light and all is known."
The love of God, Cardinal Hume asserted, will touch the grieving heart and heal it. "He came among us to learn about grief and much else too, this Man of Sorrows. He knows. He understands. Grief will yield to peace - in time."
At the level of hope we do not need to grieve for the dead. Dr O'Donohue, that sage of the Burren, concludes: "They are now in a place where there is no more shadow, darkness, loneliness, isolation or pain. They are home. They are with God from whom they came."
Blessed Columba Marmion declared: "Sadness is a breath of hell; joy is the echo of God's life in us."
Autumn leaves had particular significance this year as one contemplated the Christian paradox: it is in dying that we are born to eternal life. Mother was an epiphany of the unimaginable love of God.
Bothar
Therefore this requiem for her invites solidarity, not sentimentality. She lived for nearly half her long life on a farm in Boher, Co Limerick. Bothar, the Third World agency which uses livestock in development aid, reminds us of the scandal that 35,000 children die untimely deaths every day. More than 13 million children a year are dying in our world mainly from hunger or preventable diseases.
Instead of short-term aid, Bothar provides Third World families with Irish farm animals suitable for their circumstances and climate. They are trained beforehand in livestock care, and must undertake to pass on the first female born to their animal to another poor family. In this way each recipient becomes a donor. Families are able to accept assistance while maintaining their dignity.
To support this worthy project spearheaded by Mr T.J. Maher, freephone Bothar on 1800 268 463.