Members of "People Indignant at Fascism, Famine, and Legal Extortion" had gathered to discuss the evils of the world. They began as always by humming the peace mantra of the Dalai Lama, which goes "nnnngggggggg", for several minutes before Sister Serenity uttered a small cry and announced she had just received a small visitation from Buddha in the pit of her stomach. There were vegetarian celebrations all round and then PIFFLE felt free to move on to the main items on the agenda.
Brother Zen opened the proceedings. "Firstly, the Salthill Airshow, to which, as you know, the Red Arrows display team has been invited. It's bad enough that this jingoistic, imperialist, racist, neo-colonialist, sexist, meat-eating organisation, the Royal Air Force" - his face was wreathed with the disdain of an imam groping for his wallet in a vat of pig-eyes - "is even here in Ireland, in this year of all years, the 154th anniversary of the Famine, never mind sending a squadron of aeroplanes" - and he lowered his voice - "of the very type which the British sold to the Indonesian government."
Collaborators
There was a sharp intake of breath. "Yes," he said, "the very same type of aircraft. Now. By permitting aircraft similar to those owned by Indonesia to fly in Irish skies before an Irish audience effectively makes us collaborators in the extermination of the East Timor people. So. What do we do about it?"
Sister Esperanza spoke first. "I think air shows should be about people, not aircraft. They should be occasions when human beings of all nationalities come together in peace and harmony, in siblinghood and sisterhood, and show one another how we all truly love one another. Truly. It's obscene that an air show should be turned into an extravaganza of aircraft and a celebration of the West's fascist support for the Indonesian government's genocidal policies towards East Timor."
"The least, the very least, that should be done would be for the obscene invitation to the Red Arrows to be cancelled," said Brother Winneehoho, whose name comes from the Apache word for "tranquillity beneath the cherry-blossom, "and for the air show to have a minute's silence before it begins in memory of the dead of East Timor, so that the people there will know that the people of Salthill are standing shoulder to shoulder with them in their struggle for independence."
"Right on," intoned Brother Ngmbwa, who had taken his name from the Kwa Zulu Inkatha term for meditative harmony. "And there should be another minute's silence for the dead of Vietnam, murdered by the obscenity of US imperialism. And another for the Aborgines killed by white Australian imperialist settlers. And another for the Aztecs killed by the Conquistadors. And another for the Palestinians murdered by the Israelis. And another for all the Africans who died during apartheid. And another. . ."
Imperialist obscenity
The list continued until it was agreed that the first two hours of the Salthill Air Show would be given over to various minutes of silence to commemorate the numerous victims of the obscenity of imperialism, as well as the millions of animals killed in the dietary genocide caused by the obscenity of species-imperialism.
Brother Gwbdinga, named after the Hutu concept of peace-by-tolerance, pointed out that any air display would be be a dance on the graves of the peasant victims of imperialist air power this century. It would be an obscenity.
There was a murmur of agreement to this. Sister Mna Nah Leong - Khmer for "serenity through lotus-leaves" - whose deadly pallor and flaking, diseased skin declared her to be a dedicated vegan, suggested that the Salthill Air Show should consist of flower-arranging, kite-flying and bean recipes with lectures on the cancellation of Third World Debt. "Any aircraft at this aircraft show would be an obscene celebration of war, of pollution, of exploitation of peasants everywhere, of world trade, of homophobia, of the male patriarchic hegemony which has brought nothing but pain and suffering to this world," she managed to say, before collapsing from malnutrition.
Lateral sanctions
Sister Kee-oh-na, Maori for "peach-heart", then asked since PIFFLE considered the presence of British Aerospace Hawks at Salthill flown by RAF pilots to be a clear endorsement of the Indonesian regime's policies on the far side of the world, might not other applications of such lateral sanctions be considered. For example, British navy ships were painted grey: was it not quite monstrous that the ships of the Irish Naval Service were painted grey as well? This, in effect, was a declaration of support for the sinking of the Belgrano. It was a clear statement that the Irish Naval Service in principle backed British naval incursions all over the world.
Sister Occapattapetl, who took her name from the Aztec name for "water flowing gently past the place of sacrifice", agreed. She had noted that Irish soldiers were now wearing combat camouflage remarkably similar to that of both the British and US armies - "The two most brutal empires in world history. Is that not an obscene violation of our neutrality? Is this not the top of the slippery slope into the fascist-military complex of NATO?"
Piffle then voted unanimously for the exclusion of Ireland from the rest of the world, this newspaper duly noted that vote, and the Salthill air show went on as planned.