The papers said 5,000 Irish would be travelling to Japan for the World Cup. This figure is incorrect - it should be 5004. At a quiet, four-hour session in the local last night, myself and my three mates decided to start packing our bags.
We were barely into our second pint when it was agreed we should go. It's being taken for granted the credit union will sponsor us, though we're still paying off for the trip to Macedonia. If we believe half the stories we're hearing, Japan ain't cheap, so we'll have to take plenty of ying, or yan, or something. A know-all in the far corner told us it's a tenner out there for a pint of warm beer.
Tickets for our seven matches shouldn't be a problem, though there could be a bit of a rush for the semi and the final. Especially when these fat, fly-by-night, new-millionaire gits decide to fly out in their own planes with their smug friends. A right shower the lot of them. When were they last in Dalymount Park?
Best to get to Merrion Square and book the tickets just to be sure. Mickser said he'd look after it as he's on late shifts this week. He said he'd get the travel tickets from Ray Treacy as he knows where Japan is. Hadn't himself and Mick gone out together to check things out and fix the draw? We'll have none of it. The last time Mickser took charge of tickets he fell into a fountain in Rome and we couldn't dry them out in time.
Giants stadium
Careful planning, we agreed, was essential, especially after the cock-up in '94 when we arrived at the Giants stadium for the Mexican game to be told it was in Orlando. Just as well they had plenty of decent pints in Dorans on 2nd Avenue.
This time we'll arrive a week ahead of the first game. This will help us over our jet lag and give us plenty of time to check out the local pubs.
Devaney, who understands big words, says he'll call to Easons and pick up a copy of an English-Japanese dictionary. It was agreed he would act as interpreter. He says he should be fluent by the time we leave. He had no trouble communicating in the States. Smart-ass in the corner shouted over that the Japanese for Guinness is Guinness.
Time differences
The details of each game had to be checked out. First off, Cameroon. The Bull Begley thought a 7.30 kick-off in the morning was a bit unreasonable. We've promised to explain time differences to him. This match will be no problem. Three nil - McAteer and two glancing headers from Quinny before he's taken off.
Germany could be a bit tougher, though on current form we'll murder them 1-0. Harte from the spot. The Saudi game will be a stroll - 5-0. Robbie, Roy, Kinsella and two glancing headers from Quinny.
The second round against Argentina should see us coming to top form, though we mustn't peak too soon. Two-nil (both o.g.s), though Batistuta missing a penalty and four Argentine sending-offs may help.
Brazil in the semi could pose problems, especially with Quinny out with back trouble. But two bullets from Captain Marvellous (both from 40 yards) will do the trick. The world press will at last be paying attention and we won't be able to pay for a drink anywhere. Everyone will love us.
The final will prove easier than we thought. France will have gone off the boil and Barthez will gift us three golden goals. A Quinny hat trick - right-foot chip, left-foot volley and a glancing header. The world joins the Irish in a memorable rendition of the Fields of Athenry.
Lap of honour
Some English supporters are seen crying. Mick is canonised and speaks kindly of the press. The Taoiseach does a lap of honour with half the Cabinet in his wake. The former city Dublin city manager, Frank Feely, comes out of retirement to hold the cup aloft and the price of Guinness is doubled.
So then, lads, we're all agreed on everything. Not so, says Devaney, for who's going to tell the good women at home we're off to Japan?
One for the road, lads, says Mickser, as he stumbles towards the bar. In his absence he is unanimously elected to start with his missus and, while he's at it, find out what's a Geisha girl.
We are now seriously worried about him. It's over 48 hours since anyone has seen or heard of him. Maybe he had a bad pint.