Someone I know was kidnapped and tortured last week. He was subject to unspeakable degradations and the type of treatment that I thought had been outlawed decades ago by the Geneva Convention. It was very distressing and when I finally met up with him to hear at first-hand the account of his ordeal, it was immediately apparent that he had lost his mind.
Where once was a funny, charming, and clever person, there was now just a desiccated husk of anger, bitterness and vengefulness. Obviously still in the throes of Stockholm Syndrome - whereby captives under mental duress begin to express empathy and common cause with their captors - he had become a humourless ideologue and a demented conspiracy theorist. He had been kidnapped and tortured by the Men’s Movement.
Through one thing and another he had been in a vulnerable position and along they came: self-styled Male Liberation operatives - the evangelical storm-troopers of the Movement.
They could provide a Unifying Theory about his predicament, the causes of it and the means to a solution. A good person made a bad choice.
I don’t know much about the Men’s Movement but I know what I don’t like about it. That Men see fit to arrogate to themselves the language and dialectic vigour of a Liberation Movement is a classic case of the Fallacy of Chesterton’s Fence: reforms should not be made until the reasoning behind the existing state of affairs is understood.
Not only do Men have it all but they also get away it all. By coopting themselves as oppressed victims in need of “liberation”, they are wilfully undermining and blithely dismissing groupings who are at best, verbally vilified; and at worst, violently attacked.
Never one to miss a trick, Men are elbowing others out of the way to make it to the top of the “Where’s My Placard?” queue. The need to not only have it all but also have “My traditional role has been fractured by modern society” status is nothing more than Male Munchausen Syndrome.
A look around the baroque horror of the “Manosphere” - that loose coalition of networks, blogs and websites that focus on “What It Means To Be A Man” can display, at the outer fringes, alarming and disturbing opinions about anyone who isn’t a Man.
The most egregious aspect of the “Manosphere” though can be that very real and very pressing problems specific to Men - the amount of and the lack of reporting of male rape, the massive and hidden amounts of male mental illness and the wickedness of fathers not being allowed to be fathers to their children - get drowned out by meaningless mantra such as “Men have Gender Issue Laryngitis”.
Which is odd because men don’t seem to have a problem finding their voice when it comes to belittling and humiliating others. From “Bro Culture” to “You know what she needs, don’t you?” - that incessant, malevolent hum of male inadequates mocking and bullying others may need to be addressed before a prognosis is offered on Male Gender Issue Laryngitis.
The very fact that developments in the “Changing Role Of The Male” are recorded in the newspaper equivalent of the “And Finally” news broadcast segment speaks of their frivolous nature.
The “New Man” - who had a signed photo of Germaine Greer, drank wine and made all his own Ponchos - was quickly shown the door and replaced by the “New Lad” - drank Dutch Gold, knew the offside rule, bought his own condoms.
But Men were still in crisis; the “Metrosexual” was summoned. The solution to Masculinity was to put moisturizer on it. Except it’s not moisturizer - it’s Skin Protection Defence Barrier, thank you for asking.
Moisturizer isn’t much good for Gender Issue Laryngitis though so now we have the “Spornosexual” - it’s a Sportsman/Porn Star hybrid look favoured by the sort of men who sign up to Gym classes called “Warrior Workout”.
The very fact that Masculinity has been in crisis mode for so long now and none of the over-the-counter remedies seem to be working might lead you to believe that the problems facing men are in fact problems caused by men.
A look at what one UK Broadsheet newspaper reports on in their Men’s pages really illuminates the Crisis In Masculinity: Headlines include: “Five Mistakes Men Make With Their Hair (And How To Avoid Them)”, “Going Ringside at Wrestlemania”, “The 10 Most Stylish On-Ear Headphones” and “TV’s Phwoar Wars” - an in-depth story which contrasts Aidan Turner’s “rippling” abdominal muscles in “Poldark” with Tom Hiddleston’s “quivering” buttocks in “The Night Manager”.
Screaming about a Crisis In Masculinity at a time when children are burnt to death on account of their faith and endlessly looking for “More dialogue around Masculinity” as if we are participants in a Gender Identity Workshop is gratuitously indulgent and dangerously distracting.
Here’s one for you Bros: if you really want more dialogue around Masculinity, consider the fact that a disproportionate amount of Men suffer heart attacks. Every year the angels at the Irish Heart Foundation have to go out among the public to ask for money so that they can effect real and tangible change.
This year their Happy Heart fundraising days are on May 5 and May 6. If you want to view this as a Gender Rights Issue well and good just as long as you dial 01-6685001 and ask them how you can help. Knock yourself out with your dialogue around Masculinity while doing so.
Go on, ring them. Be a Man about it.