First Communion season is approaching and the killjoys are already out of the traps, suggesting that parents lavish far too much money on making our kids feel special.
Sure, every family needs to set a budget for special occasions, whether it’s Christmas, birthdays or First Communions. That’s a given. But why is the favourite “budgeting” tip for First Communion – trotted out year after year – the notion that we should ditch traditional outfits?
Already this year I've heard the idea floated on the RTÉ News by Laura Haugh of MummyPages.ie, an online forum for mums. Haugh said that of mums surveyed by the forum, 63 per cent wanted their children to wear school uniforms or sacramental robes for First Communion.
I’m afraid I snorted aloud at this. It was an unladylike snort and quite loud, although not as loud as the squawk of horror from my 10-year-old when I ran the idea past her. Luckily, she made her First Communion last year, so she’s safe. But – school uniforms? Sacramental robes? Who would want to wear them on a day when you’re supposed to be the centre of attention? School uniforms are what kids wear to do work; boring, everyday work. Do we want to send our children the message that making your First Communion is on a par with learning off your Irish spellings? Really?
Nice outfits
On any special occasion in life, human beings wear nice outfits, ie clothes they wouldn’t wear every day. That’s one of the things that make an occasion special.
Take weddings. I’ve been to many kinds – first weddings, second weddings, weddings where the bride was pregnant, weddings where the bride was given away by her grown-up daughter – but they had this in common: the groom always wore a suit, and the bride a posh frock. No one, strangely, wore a work uniform.
I could still draw a picture of my First Communion dress, which was short and flouncy, as was the style in the 1960s. My veil was held on with a glittery kind of crown, and the dress included a little pearl necklace. I loved every minute I spent in that dress. Remembering it even now, 45 years later, gives me a frisson.
I could also draw you a picture of the sacramental robe my poor cousin had to wear when she made her First Communion the year before me. It was long and floppy, white with some sort of coloured panel down the middle. All the kids, boys and girls, looked the same: terrible.
I’ve heard the argument that putting the kids in ugly clothes will somehow keep everyone focused on the sacrament. I don’t buy that. To me, First Communion is an excellent and rare opportunity provided by our culture to make children feel they are the best. The church ceremony, the get-together at the school, the party back home or the meal out, the presents: it’s all about saying you’re beautiful, you’re wonderful, you’re cherished.
Goodness knows our culture doesn’t abound with times when everybody in a community turns toward a child with a big smile of warmth and approval.
Last year, my youngest wore her First Communion not only on the big day, but to Mass and a parish function the next day, and to school the day after that. A group of elderly ladies came up to her after Sunday Mass to admire her dress and tell her she was lovely. She soaked it up; over these extraordinary few days, everyone who saw her said something nice.
Now, would that have happened if she were wearing her school uniform? Or even a regular dress? Of course not. The kindly ladies may very well have thought she looked lovely, but it was the special costume that gave them permission to approach a child they didn’t know.
Nor do I buy the argument that traditional First Communion outfits cost parents vast sums of money.
When my son made his First Communion, most boys in his class were going casual but he wanted a suit. I paid a friend €50 for the suit her own son wore the year before; if I’d been stuck for cash, I know she would have given it to me. Later it went to a charity shop, so presumably a third boy eventually got the use of it.
€100 bargain
I bought my oldest daughter’s outfit – dress, cardi, handbag, tights – in a chain store in Newry for €100. (Considerably less than the same chain store was charging in Dublin, I might add.) When it was my youngest daughter’s turn, she tried on her sister’s outfit. It fitted her and she liked it, so that’s what she wore.
So, I spent an average of €50 per child on First Communion clothes that looked good and made them feel good. Is that an example of disgusting excess? As a member of the squeezed middle rather than the truly destitute, I say no.
Most mothers in the church were wearing shoes that cost more. All the grown-ups, in fact, looked very smart, including the priest who, as I recall, was wearing eye-catching, colourful vestments.
A First Communion where only adults are allowed to dress up? How unkind that would be. marytfeely@eircom.net