THE MAGPIE:THE FOLLOWING untitled poem, which Magpie has decided shall henceforth be known as Ode to Biffo, was doing the rounds among certain Fine Gaelers on Budget Day:
“Cowen is my shepherd, I shall not work.
He leadeth me beside still factories.
He restoreth my faith in the Fine Gael.
He guideth me to the path of unemployment.
Yea, though I wait for my dole,
I own the bank that refuses me.
Cowen has anointed my income with taxes,
My expenses runneth over my income,
Surely, poverty and hard living will follow me all the
Days of his term.
From henceforth we will live all the days
Of our lives in a rented home with an overseas landlord.
I am glad I am Irish,
I am glad that I am free.
But I wish I was a dog
And Cowen was a tree.”
***
GIVEN THE the time of year , we’ll stick with holy humour . . .
The following collection of church notice gems is taken from a newsletter for the Church of Ireland parishes of Aughrim, Ballinatone and Castlemacadam in Co Wicklow and was passed to a Magpie source by Henry Alexander of Avoca.
It’s a collection of announcements read at church services or placed in church bulletins . . . coming across perhaps not quite as intended. Think Vicar of Dibley . . .
The sermon this morning: Jesus Walks on the Water.
The sermon tonight: Searching for Jesus.
Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
Don’t let worry kill you off – let the church help.
Miss Charlene Mason sang I will not pass this way again, giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
Potluck supper Sunday at 5pm – prayer and medication to follow.
The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
This evening at 7pm there will be hymn singing in the park across from the church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
The rector will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing Break Forth Into Joy.
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24th in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be What is Hell? Come early and listen to our choir practice.
Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7pm. Please use the back door.
The associate minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: I Upped My Pledge – Up Yours.
This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.
Happy Easter Henry!