Madeleine McCann's parents have had to deny they were suspects in their daughter's disappearance. Parent Ailish Connellyexamines their anguish
I've just finished tucking my kids into bed. Switching on a news channel the continuing story is the, as yet, unsolved abduction of Madeleine McCann and like every mammy and daddy in Ireland, I give a silent prayer of thanks that I have the luxury of knowing exactly where my kids are for the night.
Just after she went missing, I was in the Costa del Sol with my family, visiting other family members who live there. The talk at the dinner table in the evenings inevitably wound around to the safety of our children. Is it more dangerous in Spain or Portugal for children? Are our favourite hot spots also hot spots of a very unsavoury kind that we unwittingly, mindlessly walk our precious offspring into every summer?
I got some interesting responses to my queries.
The Spanish don't generally use baby sitters the way we do, but, as here in Ireland, they are available at most hotels and resorts. They don't really get the concept that you leave your children with a sitter and then head out into the night for an evening with your partner.
They head out and bring their kids with them. And very often the grannies, the siblings, the aunties and uncles, the whole shebang go out for the night too, often a late night, to a restaurant. Or to a funfair, to the park for a stroll in the warmth of the evening.
The group take to the streets and meander, or fetch up at a tapas bar or restaurant, where they are all, including the children, welcome. The children are especially welcome.
Its one of our motives for going back to Spain, time and again, because we can bring our kids with us wherever we go. At whatever time of night, certainly till midnight, and nobody minds.
It's normal, a part of life there, that kids go out with their parents in the evenings. One reason, granted, is that in summer, it's just too hot to go out midday. So people rest up during the intense heat of the day and live their lives well into the evening.
The Spanish love their kids. Every second shop is a Casa del Bebe. I've been to Portugal and I've been told the Portuguese similarly adore children. So presumably the tragedy that has befallen the McCanns is their tragedy too. I wondered aloud why the parents didn't just bring their kids with them while they dined? Everyone else is at it, so why not? Why not just pop them into their buggies and let them sleep while mum and dad ate?
Because the McCanns were staying at a holiday complex in a quiet resort, they felt safe leaving their kids in their room while they dined nearby. Almost every English and Irish person I spoke to while on the Costa del Sol said they too have left their children in their apartment, at some stage, while they were nearby, down at the pool side or in the hotel bar say, in whatever complex they happened to be staying.
Sane, sensible mums and dads took some minutes of well-earned peace, an hour of considered time away from their children, where it seemed perfectly harmless and normal to leave them, under intermittent supervision, after a long hot day of suncream and swimming pools, of tantrums and tears, of seasides and playgrounds.
And there, but for the grace of God go any one of us, was the consensus.
Many holiday resort complexes are enclosed or gated. Very often they are open to a public road. But because they are a little community unto themselves, they feel secure. Certainly the last thing on any holiday-makers mind are child abductors.
To read some blogs and comments on the web regarding the McCann's situation, you'd think they were the most neglectful parents on the planet. But they weren't. They assessed the situation. They trusted the security of the resort, wrongly as it turned out. But it could have been anyone's precious child that was taken.
Over the many times I've travelled to Andalusia, I have sometimes been approached by little old ladies and told to keep a sharp eye on my kids. The few times it happened, it put the heart crossways on me. What on Earth was I doing here, if my kids were so unsafe? But they weren't trying to frighten me, merely gently warn me. They were trying to be nice to the naive foreigner. Child abduction is as rare as hens' teeth, there as anywhere else. And fair-haired, fair-skinned kids are more noticeable, that's all.
Just as evil things happen in the rain, so also bad things happen in the sunshine. And bad things happen to good people. To people who adore their kids, but who turn their back for five minutes and find their child at the bottom of a swimming pool. Far, far more common than abduction in Mediterranean countries is accidental death through drowning. The English-language papers there regularly feature the tragedy of a drowning.
And as in our own country, more common again are accidents on the roads.
But we cannot go around living our lives in a perpetual state of fear or we'll go mad altogether. In our risk-averse world we have to assess the actual risks involved in living our lives and get on with it.
The alternative is to do... nothing. Never to step beyond the hall door, never to experience the joy of fun and adventure with your kids, the mind expansion and education that is travel.
Already our kids are cossetted and protected much more than we ever were. Very few children are allowed to walk to school alone, never mind wander around public areas unless under adult supervision. It's our job to protect them, yes. It's also our job to prepare them for an independent adult existence. Where's the half-way house?
We can teach them road safety. Perhaps, if time and distance allows, we could walk with them to school until they know the routine off pat and are old enough to go themselves. We can take them swimming from an early age and get them swimming lessons. We can teach them a healthy respect for water - sea, lake or river - so that they can safely enjoy watersports.
When we go on holidays we could use the baby-sitting facilities of the hotel or apartment complex. Or we can take them out with us. If they are aged under five, we can bring a buggy and let them snooze beside us while we appreciate the local fare. (If the airlines could get away with charging for pushchairs, they would have done so already.)
We owe it to them to take them out and about and show them, within reason, their world.
We can acknowledge that we do our best for our children and that they will be just fine 99.9 per cent of the time. That the other 0.1 per cent is not within our control. And that we have to let go trying to regulate it or our kids, taking our lead, will grow up fearful and distrustful of life. That is surely not a legacy we wish to leave them.