Madam, - I am returning to the land of my blood for the first time in eight years on Friday for a 13-day visit.
I am very much looking forward to showing my wife and children some of their and our heritage in an expensive trip taking in Belfast, Limerick and Dublin.
However, I must confess to being apprehensive because I am a convicted smoker. I can't say I'm proud of it, but there it is. There are worse sins.
I will do my utmost to respect your authoritarian, if not fascist, laws on smoking in public places, especially pubs.
In smoking, I'm simply indulging my God-given free will and will be judged one day accordingly. I don't need lectures from you or anyone else about the dangers or risks of my appalling habit. I know already. But that's my business, not yours.
As a citizen of a reasonably enlightened member state of the European Union and therefore a visitor to and guest of your country, I would hope that should I forget myself and light up in one of Ireland's lovely establishments I will be politely tolerated or, at worst, admonished.
Otherwise, we're going to get into rather a silly and bitter wrangle with the State's lawyers warbling on about a smoking ban and my lawyers quoting chapter and verse of Article 6, 7, 10, 11, 12, 21, 22 and 45 of the European Charter of Fundamental Rights which guarantees privacy, freedom, tolerance of different cultures and other things.
As I'm fully insured I certainly will not be a burden on your health services.
However, I can take it, can't I, that if you have this attitude to smokers we will not be bothered by any drunks or marijuana, cocaine, crack or heroin addicts while in Ireland because surely they all must be safely locked up and marginalised, as they should be, because they really are a danger and offensive to others? - Yours, etc.,
BRENDAN HANRAHAN, Paignton, Devon, England.
Madam, - Now that the smoking ban has been effectively introduced, could it be that all of the rancour and huffing and puffing from the Vintners' Federation is comparable to that of a puff of smoke or a belch of hot air? Well done, Mr Martin. - Yours, etc.,
TOM McELLIGOTT, Raheen, Limerick.