Sir, – Funeral eulogies are tricky affairs.
Over the years I have been at funerals and witnessed eulogies where: family members divulged intimate family details, told improper jokes, made party political statements, represented only one side of a divided family, gave a comedy performance, criticised the medical care of the departed, broke down uncontrollably and turned the funeral into an embarrassing emotional roller-coaster, etc.
On the other hand, I have also witnessed very dignified and Christ-centred words about the deceased.
We must remember that the family member giving the eulogy is often nervous, emotional and unused to speaking in public. To give such a person free rein is unwise. (On live radio there is a time delay mechanism so that radio staff can censor what is broadcast).
Furthermore, we can ask if a eulogy puts extra pressure on the grieving families? The point of a Catholic Christian funeral is to present the departed back to God through the sacrifice of the Mass and give hope to those who mourn. It is not essentially a celebration of the life of the deceased. A funeral which concentrates wholly on the deceased provides no hope, since it looks to the past.
A beautifully celebrated liturgy which concentrates on the hope for the deceased through the Resurrection of Christ uplifts the grieving heart. Bishop Smith has opened up a discussion well worth having. – Yours, etc,
Rev ALPHONSUS CULLINAN,
Lower Main Street,
Rathkeale, Limerick.
Sir, – The Bishop of Meath, Dr Michael Smith, has banned families from giving eulogies during funeral Masses (Home News, August 13th). Poems or playing of secular songs are also banned under a directive from the bishop.
It seems the bishop does not fully understand how people grieve; that in today’s world families share with others their loved one’s life, and where better than at the funeral Mass? The long path of loss begins after that Mass and knowing you have honoured your loved one well, before the community, helps you begin to live without them.
What is so wrong with a secular poem or secular song? It does not offend God; it seems this offends the Bishop of Meath. Is his God so narrow-minded? So un-open to the hearts and minds of grieving relatives? If so, do we want to have that last moment with our loved one in his house?
The bishop needs to do some thinking. – Yours, etc,
Dr MARGARET KENNEDY,
Redford Park,
Greystones,
Co Wicklow.
Sir, – I write as one with limited experience of providing music at funeral and wedding Masses (Home News, August 13th). I have no experience of services in reformed churches .
In my view, the music has two functions: to reflect the liturgy in the form of service required and to reflect the emotional needs of the close families and friends.
So, from the time the Mass commences until its end at the final blessing, the task should be to recommend music that suits liturgically the relevant part of the Mass. That said, while the words of Ave Maria are a religious prayer in the Latin church, it should never be played at the Offertory as it is totally non-liturgical at that point.
However, before the start of Mass and after its end, music does not have to be liturgical nor does it have to be religious even. Take for instance the introductory and closing wedding marches which at best have only the vaguest religious context but fall outside the Mass proper. Likewise, the removal of the coffin could be the time for a favourite song.
In passing, my wife has requested When the Saints go Marching in accompanied by a trad jazz band when she is carried out. I am all in favour, but trust she leaves sufficient funds in her will to meet the costs. – Yours, etc,
GERALD MURPHY,
Marley Avenue,
Marley Grange,
Dublin 16.