Madam, – OMG! Thank God we have no atheistic Eurovision fans. – Yours, etc,
Madam, – Is this year’s Eurovision about songs, or out-Jedwarding Jedward? – Yours, etc,
Madam, – Should Jedward ride on the current wave of popularity all the way to success tonight, and shoulder us with a bill for next year’s Eurovision, I have a suggestion. Surely we could do worse than to blow the rest of the EU-IMF bailout money on the best show ever staged in the competition’s history? Solid-gold seats for the audience would be one way to spend the cash. We could award the victors with their own weight in diamonds. Think of it as an experiment to test just how difficult it is to burn through the kind of money our bankers and developers managed in just a few years.
Angela Merkel and Nicholas Sarkozy should have front-row seats to fully appreciate Ireland’s entry – AJ and the Troikas – as they toss money from buckets into the crowd and offer any bondholders present a free haircut.
All contestants should be required to theme their songs around the subject of why Ireland should be allowed to keep its corporate tax rate. This may not be the best way to improve Ireland’s image among its more sober-minded trading partners, but compared with what we’ve been doing up to now, it would be money well spent. – Yours, etc,