Sir – Breda O’Brien’s evocation of the basic concepts of happy relationships and expression of love (“What ‘Fifty Shades’ tells us about sexuality,” Opinion Analysis, August 25th) will probably elicit derision from those who madly desire to rank themselves among those who have been “liberated” by the “totally addictive” Fifty Shades of Grey. Abusive, control-freak men such as the novel’s main character, Christian Grey, may well metamorphose into shiny, sexy heroes in a SM fantasy world, but any woman who has experienced an abusive relationship up close is likely to gain scant titillation from reading about Grey’s “red room of pain” activities.
Your columnist is right that the basic aspects of love are real listening, words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service to each other, in addition to intimate physical love. The rush to extol the so-called liberating aspect of the eroticism of 50 Shades seems, by times, to discount this obvious reality. Of course, Fifty Shades of Grey is a fantasy tale, a love story that has caught the imagination of millions and provided oceans of entertaining commentary and reviews, many of which are, as far as I’m concerned, much more engaging that the novel itself.
At the same time, it’s certainly no harm to acknowledge, as Breda O’Brien has, that in the non-fantasy world, getting tied up, beaten, ordered what and when to eat and stalked hardly amount to the happy, loving relationship the average woman aspires to. – Yours, etc,