Sir, – 314. Your Honour, the poitín was for a sick calf. 315. Your Honour, I was taking tablets on top of the drink. 316. I was catchin’ chickens, Miss (An excuse for tardiness in national school in 1960s Monaghan). – Yours, etc,
Sir, – 317. The cat ate the candle. (Excuse for not having homework done, in Miltown Malbay CBS in 1950s before the advent of electric lighting). – Yours, etc,
EAMONN MANSFIELD,
Helvick,
Ring, Co Waterford.
MICHAEL NASH,
Carrickmines Green,
Carrickmines, Dublin 18.
Sir, – 319. My bicycle lights? I forgot them in me Gran’s last night. Sorry. 320. Sure, you couldn’t cycle on the road. Look at the state of it! 321. Twasnt’ red, it was amber. 322. No, no, I’m not trying to be smart. 323. I won’t do it again. – Yours, etc,
Sir, – 324. I was busy composing Beethoven puns for The Irish Times. 325. I don’t remember that. 326. It must have been the curry. 327. I honestly believed she’d seen one before, your Honour. – Yours, etc,
Sir, – 328. “I want to tell you something . . . Out of that €100,000 I run a house in Dublin, Castlebar and Brussels. I want to tell you something, try it some time when you’ve a couple of cars and three houses and three homes and a few housekeepers!” – Yours, etc,
Sir, – 329. They had titanium hurleys, I’m sure of it. – Yours, etc,
Sir, – 330. I’m with the band. – Yours, etc,